Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Soooooo when I finally give my man the big talk, how should I handle it, then? Say "It's over, I'm leaving, will be back to pick up my stuff, bye"? I can't do that.
...
Not Lao and I do not know the history of your relationship. So my advice is worth what its costing you and based on only this Thread.
I see that you have a communication problem with your SO. I also wonder if if solving the communication problem would solve your relationship problem before it is irretrievable. Take for instance this case of getting him to discuss with you your upset. My suggestion is to start with during simple conversation (Must not be when people are wore out from a long day of work) to say,
"You know (insert name of companion) I have been very unhappy recently."
If Your SO has any common courtesy this should get him to ask why that you are feeling that way. Simply mention the most recent incident without getting accusatory or demanding an apology. If he gives an apology thank him for it and for being able to see your viewpoint. Now you have a springboard moment to say that you are not sure your relationship is working anymore and does he see any way to fix it. Of course if he is unable to give any reasonable answers than you both know it is over so no accusations or recriminations need to happen. If he does indicate that he wants to fix it I would highly recommend you find a relationship counselor skilled in communication problems.
This all presupposes that you want to make one last try to fix the relationship.
That sounds like a very wise thing to try, and I'd love if it would go as smoothly as that, but it just won't.
The conversation would be more like this:
Me: "You know (insert name of companion) I have been very unhappy recently."
Him: "You have? Why? Do you want to break up?"
Me: "Well, I..."
Him: "JUST answer the question. Do. you. want. to. break. up?!"
Me: "I think I do. I just feel as though..."
(insert him getting up and walking away)
Me: "Hey, just hear me out..."
Him: "What the F for?!! You've clearly made your decision so just pack up and leave! I knew you didn't love me anymore, you've just lied to me for 9 years!!!"
Me: "I DO love you!!! That's what makes this so hard!! I just feel like this isn't working for me any longer because..."
Him: "Aaaah just shutup and stop lying!!!"
(insert slamming door and silent treatment)
(insert weeks of long abusive text messages until I finally yield because I can't stand the constant crying and sleepless nights it any longer)
He's a very straight up and down guy.
No nonsense.
No bull.
No DRAMA.
There is no time for serious discussions and reasons in his world. He doesn't want to hear the details, he just wants an outcome with no messiness so he can get on with things. You have no idea what he's like when he's hurt/his ego is bruised.
I appreciate all the advice I am given on here, and I know it seems like I am countering all of it, but really that's what it's like and why it's so seriously impossible for me.
That sounds like a very wise thing to try, and I'd love if it would go as smoothly as that, but it just won't.
The conversation would be more like this:
Me: "You know (insert name of companion) I have been very unhappy recently."
Him: "You have? Why? Do you want to break up?"
Me: "Well, I..."
Him: "JUST answer the question. Do. you. want. to. break. up?!"
Me: "I think I do. I just feel as though..."
(insert him getting up and walking away)
Me: "Hey, just hear me out..."
Him: "What the F for?!! You've clearly made your decision so just pack up and leave! I knew you didn't love me anymore, you've just lied to me for 9 years!!!"
And this is where the conversation should end. What you women need to understand is, we guys DO NOT NEED "CLOSURE" like you do. If he doesnt want to hear anything further, then just leave it at that. Its over. None of this "Oh, I just want to give him closure and I need it for myself" b.s. If he does what you say he'll do, just end it there.
And this is where the conversation should end. What you women need to understand is, we guys DO NOT NEED "CLOSURE" like you do. If he doesnt want to hear anything further, then just leave it at that. Its over. None of this "Oh, I just want to give him closure and I need it for myself" b.s. If he does what you say he'll do, just end it there.
And then he goes around telling everyone I broke up with him for "no reason" and that I was just a liar who used him, when the fact of the matter is he didn't allow me to discuss the reasons with him.
And then when he sends me all these text messages calling me names and suddenly wants to talk all about it? Do I respond? Ignore them?
That sounds like a very wise thing to try, and I'd love if it would go as smoothly as that, but it just won't.
The conversation would be more like this:
Me: "You know (insert name of companion) I have been very unhappy recently."
Him: "You have? Why? Do you want to break up?"
Me: "Well, I..."
Him: "JUST answer the question. Do. you. want. to. break. up?!"
Me: "I think I do. I just feel as though..."
(insert him getting up and walking away)
Me: "Hey, just hear me out..."
Him: "What the F for?!! You've clearly made your decision so just pack up and leave! I knew you didn't love me anymore, you've just lied to me for 9 years!!!"
Me: "I DO love you!!! That's what makes this so hard!! I just feel like this isn't working for me any longer because..."
Him: "Aaaah just shutup and stop lying!!!"
(insert slamming door and silent treatment)
(insert weeks of long abusive text messages until I finally yield because I can't stand the constant crying and sleepless nights it any longer)
He's a very straight up and down guy.
No nonsense.
No bull.
No DRAMA.
There is no time for serious discussions and reasons in his world. He doesn't want to hear the details, he just wants an outcome with no messiness so he can get on with things. You have no idea what he's like when he's hurt/his ego is bruised.
I appreciate all the advice I am given on here, and I know it seems like I am countering all of it, but really that's what it's like and why it's so seriously impossible for me.
Everything in RED is unnecessary. The minute you say you think you want to break up, what do you exoect him to do? Change your mind? Give you a blessing?
You want an easy out. You want him to tell you don't worry, I understand.. go. That's not going to happen.
It's normal for people to get hurt when someone wants to end a relationship. You're actually hurting each other more by staying when you're not 100% in it.
So go, before this good guy that you care & love will resent you even more.
So go, before this good guy that you care & love will resent you even more.
You're right... who am I kidding, if he asks me something like "did you ever love me?" and I say of course I did, he's not going to friggin believe me anyway.
Why does it matter what anyone else thinks about why you broke up? That information should stay between the two of you and your friends should not know any details....
And then he goes around telling everyone I broke up with him for "no reason" and that I was just a liar who used him, when the fact of the matter is he didn't allow me to discuss the reasons with him.
And then when he sends me all these text messages calling me names and suddenly wants to talk all about it? Do I respond? Ignore them?
God I'm just so lost.
ignore him don't awnser or read his text messages and get into a hobby or class to keep busy and I would not care to much what he says to other people because only you know the reasons why you broke up with him.
best thing to do is end it now if you love him let him go. so you both can move on with life and find someone else to be happy with.
And then he goes around telling everyone I broke up with him for "no reason" and that I was just a liar who used him, when the fact of the matter is he didn't allow me to discuss the reasons with him.
And then when he sends me all these text messages calling me names and suddenly wants to talk all about it? Do I respond? Ignore them?
God I'm just so lost.
VaNiLlaGoRrilLa... you are over-analyzing. His telling everybody is probably his way of protecting himself or getting you to stay. He obviously knows that you care what people think and that you will likely want to prove him wrong and not be the bad guy... in the end you'll stay to save face.
You can't live your life worrying what others will think of you.
Why does it matter what anyone else thinks about why you broke up? That information should stay between the two of you and your friends should not know any details....
No of course it doesn't matter it's just
Ok before him, I was with another guy for about 3 years. We broke up and it was terribly messy. He turned all our mutual friends - who are also myself and my current guy's mutual friends - against me. Eventually they came around and realised it was my ex who was the horrible monster, not me, but it took a while, and I think they still remember the things they were told even though we're all friends now. The only person on my "side", or at least willing to hear both sides of the story, was my soon to be ex boyfriend.
If he, who they all respect very much, told them something like "he was right all along about her", I wouldn't really have anyone...
Last edited by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa*; 05-27-2010 at 09:49 PM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
