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Ok before him, I was with another guy for about 3 years. We broke up and it was terribly messy. He turned all our mutual friends - who are also myself and my current guy's mutual friends - against me. Eventually they came around and realised it was my ex who was the horrible monster, not me, but it took a while, and I think they still remember the things they were told even though we're all friends now. The only person on my "side", or at least willing to hear both sides of the story, was my soon to be ex boyfriend.
If he, who they all respect very much, told them something like "he was right all along about her", I wouldn't really have anyone...
if they are your true friends they will stand beside you and support you during your break up and this gives you even more reason to get into a hobby and meet new friends with similar interests.
like other posters have said you really need to stop being so concerend what others think of you just do things that make you happy and not worry what others will think...
if they are your true friends they will stand beside you and support you during your break up and this gives you even more reason to get into a hobby and meet new friends with similar interests.
like other posters have said you really need to stop being so concerend what others think of you just do things that make you happy and not worry what others will think...
Thanks GTO.
It's funny you know, usually I don't give a hoot what people think about me... I am the kind of person who dances when there is no music and sings off key at the top of my lungs, but in this case it just worries me so much.
I have a good reputation amongst my friends. I am the person they always want at the party, the one they get drunk and tell they love lol, the one they come to when they need advice (yes, unbelievably!!! lol - to the outside world my life is just perfect and peachy keen). My reputation IS important to me.
I know that if I stay in this just to save face though, I am going to be one very miserable lady.
Last edited by *VaNiLlaGoRrilLa*; 05-27-2010 at 10:10 PM..
You know, if the hypothetical conversation you posted is anything like the reality, then you have a few things to consider:
1. You HAVE already made up your mind that you want to end this. It may be inconvenient but sticking around is not likely to help matters in the least.
2. IF you've ever begun conversations meant to patch things and that's how they went (I'm saying IF because I don't know or especially care since it's way past that anyway) then this really never had a shot.
3. The notion of justifying your breakup to him if he's not interested in hearing it IS useless. As someone else said, you'd be looking for the easy out there by unconsciously seeking some kind of rap-session wherein he offers you his blessing or you finally feel you get to speak your piece. If he hasn't let you speak your piece before, WHY would he at the announcement of a breakup? That's just dumb. Forget it.
4. SO WHAT if he bad-mouths you to people? If they're understanding then they know the score; if not and they think badly of you... well, do you WORK for any of them? Or are they just people with whom you happen to associate? Everyone loses a certain number of people in breakups, just like cd's or dvd's -- everyone, sometimes more than others. Are you saying you'd prefer to stick around over a bit of embarrassment or self-consciousness?
I am feeling really proud of myself today. I stood my ground for once!
It seems like such a silly thing, but he asked me to guide him into a parking spot yesterday, and I am not very good at that judging distance stuff, so I was fumbling and mumbling and getting it all wrong. I could see he was getting frustrated with me and I became embarrassed and quiet.
He stormed upstairs and he was convinced that I was "cranky". I told him I wasn't, I was quiet because I was just a little embarrassed that's all but he wouldn't have it. I was "cranky" and he didn't want to speak to me.
Instead of whimpering and pleading with him I just said "Fine, believe whatever you want. I am not going to spend my afternoon trying to convince you that I'm telling the truth" and just went along with my day. After a few more choice words from him ("Don't kid yourself or me, you're cranky and you'll admit it eventually" - he just knows it all you see ), eventually he started speaking to me again but I went on with the day like nothing had happened. It's just a small victory, but it felt good! hehe
Now save it up and later, out of the blue, turn to him and innocently, guilelessly, ask him "How do I feel right now?" Make sure to do it totally out of the blue.
When he looks at you and says "How should I know?" just respond "Well, I was wondering, since you insisted earlier I had no idea how I felt but you seemed to be all over the matter, like white on rice."
Now save it up and later, out of the blue, turn to him and innocently, guilelessly, ask him "How do I feel right now?" Make sure to do it totally out of the blue.
When he looks at you and says "How should I know?" just respond "Well, I was wondering, since you insisted earlier I had no idea how I felt but you seemed to be all over the matter, like white on rice."
US, I actually wouldn't do this if I was her. If she gained self-esteem from a small victory, instigating a potential verbal spat may leave her on the losing end and squander what she's gained.
I think V.G. you should stay calm and not let his insults and/or sarcasm affect you. Gain strength and confidence and that will either change the dynamic by changing him or give you the confidence to move on.
Iyou should stay calm and not let his insults and/or sarcasm affect you. Gain strength and confidence and that will either change the dynamic by changing him or give you the confidence to move on.
I agree, this makes sense, thanks rob.
I was shaking like a leaf when I was saying it to him, I was taking a sip out of a bottle and almost ended up wearing it all, but I still got out what I wanted to say.
I was shaking like a leaf when I was saying it to him, I was taking a sip out of a bottle and almost ended up wearing it all, but I still got out what I wanted to say.
Why are you with someone you are afraid to share your true feelings with? You don't trust that he isn't going to leave you. What a horrible way to live.
I was shaking like a leaf when I was saying it to him, I was taking a sip out of a bottle and almost ended up wearing it all, but I still got out what I wanted to say.
No one -- I shall repeat this: NO ONE should live in that kind of fear. If you fear this man that much you need to leave him yesterday. I don't even know why it remains a question in your mind.
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), eventually he started speaking to me again but I went on with the day like nothing had happened. It's just a small victory, but it felt good! hehe 
