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He's emotionally distant from you and not willing to open up to you. What's more, he just practices avoidance rather than dealing with the problem head on. In other words, he's got problems.
I don't know what you've said about this guy in the past (haven't followed it to be honest with you) but clearly there are serious problems. Why do you stay? If you're a responsible woman with a reasonable level of intelligence and are somewhat attractive then you can find another guy.
I think it's a self esteem issue. I have never had much self confidence... in fact little to none... He says things sometimes, and even though they are in a joking way they make me think. For example if I take my shoes off and my feet smell lol, he says 'who else is going to love you with feet like that?' and I wonder yes, who? It sounds ludicrous but it's how I feel.
That's what I've realised recently as well (re the emotional thing you mentioned), we get on so well but he just isn't there emotionally either... it's hard.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka
How in the world did you even end up in a situation where you are totally dependent on this emotionally aggressive man. I also realize he is far older than you are
I look back on our time together and wonder that myself. I was basically a kid when we started dating, he was a fully grown man. I allowed myself to be moulded and shaped, and now I am finding it very hard to think for myself and be clear and confident about my feelings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by spinx
Saying "I'm upset" is a much easier way to approach the situation.
Haha trust me, tried it. Tried it ALL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Antlered Chamataka
Also, deja vu.
Them who poach the trophies. It's always the same. Can't have daddy and boyfriend in the same person
I think it's a self esteem issue. I have never had much self confidence... in fact little to none... He says things sometimes, and even though they are in a joking way they make me think. For example if I take my shoes off and my feet smell lol, he says 'who else is going to love you with feet like that?' and I wonder yes, who? It sounds ludicrous but it's how I feel.
OK, so you've made the most important first step: recognizing the problem.
Next time he says that remark, remember this response: You may react and initially think, "yes, who?" But from now on think, "Somebody will becasue I'm smart/good looking/wrote a book/have a good job/have a nice body/suck a good d*ck/have nice friends/look good in red/play the flute well/have a good sense of humor/know a lot about computers/etc., etc."
Don't let his crap make you think that you don't have something going for you.
I don't do drama; I hate it. I am a woman and have been told by my ex that I practice avoidance. Maybe I do, but I am a very happy person, and I am not going to waste part of my life griping or listening to someone gripe. Also, I don't really think you want advice, or you would have listened to the things you have been told in the past. When you have actually had enough, you will leave. However, if you expect someone to make you happy, you are looking for the wrong thing. Only you can make yourself happy, and it is a choice. You can choose to be happy or choose to be unhappy, and if this man doesn't do it for you, find another one.
Sometimes I feel as though my boyfriend only ever wants to be around me when I am happy, laughing and positive.
Whenever I am upset or angry he completely shuts down. Doesn't want to talk about it, doesn't have time for it etc etc. If I say 'we need to talk' or 'can we talk about this' he usually just rolls his eyes and walks away, or gives me his attention, but with a filthy 'just hurry up and get whatever you want to say over with' look on his face. If we have an argument before bed he just rolls over and goes to sleep, despite me telling him I don't want us to go to bed angry. I usually cry myself to sleep!
I feel like we have a lot of unresolved issues and I hold in pretty much everything when it comes to my feelings.
Aren't relationships meant to be about taking the good with the bad?
As Marilyn Monroe once said "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best"!
P.S. please don't base your answers on my previous threads. Things have taken a bit of a turn lately and I'd just like some opinions on this current situation.. Ladies have you ever had a man do this to you? Guys, do ALL men behave like this?
Part of it could be the reasons you are upset, part of it is him.
Often times, in a relationship, both parties are at fault. Take a good long hard look at yourself, before casting doubt on him.
I've been with women before where the least little thing would set them off. I'll forget to put water in the milk glass, and OMG, its the end of the freaking world.
Often times, there is some other reason that is really irritating you, and you take it out on him.
And, there is the "cry wolf" aspect too. How often to you get upset with him?
My advice, back off for a good long while. You're already having to suck it up and deal with it now, whats a month of not complaining going to do?
Then, after a good long wait, sit him down in a non confrontational manner, and discuss any real issues you've come up with.
Thats my advice. I'm not saying your wrong or right, neither am I saying the same about him.
If its meant to work out, it will. Good luck
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