Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
People with asperger's syndrome cannot empathize or sympathize with other people. They are incredibly self-centered. And they are not relationship type people. They don't understand the give and take of a relationship. And the mutual respect and empathy that partners give to each other. That is part of their syndrome. However, a lot of so-called normal people do not understand that either.
I was dating a guy in college that was absolutely brilliant. He went into graduate school for computer science and the guy gave me the creeps after getting to know him. He came across as having asperger's syndrome. Strange body language and facial expressions, blank stare, glassy eyes, far-away in dream land look, extremely self-absorbed, extreme arrogance, very flippant, and very superficial. When I was around him I had the feeling I was around an automaton or a robot. I made the assumption that he had asperger's and stopped dating him.
It doesn't take a genius to figure out if someone has Asperger's syndrome. Regardless of the syndrome or disorder it's everyone's personal responsibility to form relationships with people that you actually value. I would never be able to court someone with bipolar, autism, NPD, down syndrome, etc. You can't give away what you don't have. And Asperger's people a lot of times don't have those ultra nurturing relationship skills ie: patience, empathy, sensitivity, open communication, etc. I doubt my personal needs could be met by them. I bet two people with Asperger's could understand and care for each other more so than I could.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robee70
Many people with Asperger's aren't diagnosed until later in life, especially those over the age of 20-25.
She has not been diagnose, she refuse to. She admitted in our marriage counseling that she have several of the symptoms but she claims she is in control of it. Our son was diagnosed several years ago with Autism Spectrum Disorder and thats when I start learning about it. I have beg her numerous time to seek help but she totally refuse. I would never leave her if she seek any form of help but she won't.
Proving it in a family court will be difficult if not impossible. She is high function enough to be able to have the apparance that she is typical. People have to get to know her in order to see the problem.
We were in marriage counseling for two years and it ended when the therapist recommended that she should look into getting assested by a Dr. That was it, she said that I had tricked the therapist into my side. During the two years, the therapist was getting fustrated about how she couldn't or wouldn't she her fault in any of the arguments. When my Aunt, who raised me during my early years, past away, the funneral was going to held the same day as her trip to Las Vegas. She refused to change her plan and got upset at me for not trying to change the funneral plan. She said she had her trip planned for months. This incident the therapist had to jump in and told her straight that she was wrong. That was begining of the end for our marriage couseling.
All I want to do is protect my kids. The other day she was "dumpster diving", she saw a big planting pot in the somebody's garbage and she wanted it. It was too heavy for her to lift by herself so she told my son to help her. He refuse to, and she got so mad at him that she punished him. She took away the money he earned by doing chours. Remember my son is Autistic, I had to jump in to protect him and I stood up against my wife on his behalf. She has not talk to me since that day. Ther are so many more incident like these, bad enough to get upset but not enough to qualify as harmful in a court of law.
Thank you for all the advise and I look foward from hearing more you guys.
Last edited by nowwhatimlost; 05-24-2010 at 09:52 PM..
Reason: wrong spelling and missing words
I was dating a guy in college that was absolutely brilliant. He went into graduate school for computer science and the guy gave me the creeps after getting to know him. He came across as having asperger's syndrome. Strange body language and facial expressions, blank stare, glassy eyes, far-away in dream land look, extremely self-absorbed, extreme arrogance, and very superficial. When I was around him I had the feeling I was around an automaton or a robot. I made the assumption that he had asperger's and stopped dating.
Were you qualified to make this assumption?
Why don't you type headache in WebMD ? - You may find you are dehydrated or god forbid have a brain tumor
Somewhat. I have a technical degree in applied psychology. I'm not a medical doctor but I am looking out for me and I have to make decisions. My decision to stop dating him had very little to do with autism. It had more to do with his behaviors. They weren't nurturing or supportive. Very callous type person etc. You know how that goes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robee70
Were you qualified to make this assumption?
Why don't you type headache in WebMD ? - You may find you are dehydrated or god forbid have a brain tumor
I think Asperger's people can relate better to other Asperger's people. From what I've heard. And not all of them are exactly the same as a lot of people believe. Stigmatization can be a problem. Some are probably much more relationship-friendly than others. They each have their own personalities and so forth.
Quote:
Originally Posted by robee70
I won't argue that many people with Asperger's have a difficult time in relationships of any kind, however there are exceptions.
She has not been diagnose, she refuse to. She admitted in our marriage counseling that she have several of the symptoms but she claims she is in control of it. Our son was diagnosed several years ago with Autism Spectrum Disorder and thats when I start learning about it. I have beg her numerous time to seek help but she totally refuse. I would never leave her if she seek any form of help but she won't.
Proving it in a family court will be difficult if not impossible. She is high function enough to be able to have the apparance that she is typical. People have to get to know her in order to see the problem.
We were in marriage counseling for two years and it ended when the therapist recommended that she should look into getting assested by a Dr. That was it, she said that I had tricked the therapist into my side. During the two years the therapist was getting fustrated about how she couldn't or wouldn't she her fault in any of the arguments. When my Aunt, who raised me during my early years, past away, the funneral was going to held the same day as her trip to Las Vegas. She refused to change her plan and got upset at me for not trying to change the funneral plan. She sais she had the trip planned for months. This incident the therapist had to jump in and told her straight that she was wrong. That was begining of the end for our marriage couseling.
All I want to do is protect my kids. The other day she was "dumpster diving", she saw a big planting pot in the somebody's garbage and she wanted it. It was too heavy for her to lift by herself so she told my son to help her. He refuse to, and she got so mad at him that she punished him. She took away the money he earned by doing chours. Remember my son is Autistic, I had to jump in to protect him and I stood up against my wife on his behalf. She has talk to me since that day. Ther are so many more incident like these, bad enough to get upset but not enough to qualify as harmful in a court of law.
Thank you for all the advise and I look foward from hearing more you guys.
First, I want to tell you that I understand how hard and overwhelming it is to have a child on the Autistic Spectrum.
I would however caution you at throwing the label in her face without her receiving a formal diagnosis. I say this only because regardless of whether she has Autism or not, she may feel defensive and think you are "blaming" her for your child's special needs.
Maybe a more subtle approach would be helpful such as individual or family counseling to address the difficulties, the grief, the burdens of knowing your child has special needs. She is their mother, so I'm sure inside she is facing these same feelings.
I would also recommend you request parent training from your school district. They may assist in helping make your lives at home more manageable. They may also provide respite, so that you and your wife can rebuild a marriage. Your son will be better off with two loving parents in a strong marriage. Hopefully this will be possible. His needs won't end necessarily when he turns 18.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
