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Old 05-26-2010, 12:46 PM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
21,295 posts, read 19,384,638 times
Reputation: 29950

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No worries. I just want other people to chime in for a bit.
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Old 05-26-2010, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
6,924 posts, read 9,192,794 times
Reputation: 9018
When I divorced my first wife, I'd given her a year to change her ways or say g'bye. I'd mentioned it a few times throughout the year, especially near the end of the year when she'd made no effort to change. A couple months out she wanted a new car and I told her I'd help her find the right deal, but she needed to wait until the divorce was final before buying it, as then she'd probably have plenty of money from the settlement.

Even then she acted shocked when I filed for divorce.

When my current wife left her husband, she told him she was leaving and was gone the next day. I can't help but think that's the better way to do it. She sat down and talked to him for a few hours, they went out for breakfast and talked it over some more, and she spent the day moving her stuff out. When it gets to that point, I'd guess it's usually a relief for both.
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Old 05-26-2010, 04:18 PM
 
2,085 posts, read 2,975,605 times
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I was in my own place about 2 weeks after my ExH announced he wanted a divorce. We'd bandied the D-word around for about a year or so prior to that, but on that day...when he said he wanted a divorce...I looked at him and realized that NOTHING I did was ever going to please him or satisfy him or make him happy because he didn't WANT me to please him or satisfy him or make him happy. He just wanted the divorce so he could be done with me, and the feeling was entirely mutual. I was out of the house and in my own apartment within two weeks. No reason to stick around. I'd had enough of that. I would have been out sooner, but it took a little time to work out the logistics of a place to live, etc.

Sticking around after you announce you want a divorce seems a bit like a parent threatening his kid with the dreaded "...or else!" It's an empty threat, and it doesn't mean anything. Divorce means you're ready to put an end to things. If you stick around in the house for weeks/months after you announce you want a divorce, doesn't that make your assertion that you want a divorce seem hollow or false? You're still sticking around. Must not want to end things too badly.... (That's all a "general you," not a "specific you." Comment wasn't directed to any poster. Just a general comment poorly written in the 2nd-person POV.)
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Old 05-27-2010, 07:57 PM
 
Location: Chicago
36,643 posts, read 58,009,032 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by genx View Post
For those who have been through divorce, how far in advance should I tell my SO that I want to leave? 2 weeks? 1 month?

How much time would you have liked to have had before someone left?

Reason for splitting is I'm just out of love - there is no abuse or infidelity. No kids involved.

I want to do it as gently as possible to minimize SO's pain.
Do what my ex did: get an apartment set up, have a bag packed, tell him you're outta there, and then leave. It seemed exceptionally bitchy at the time but later I came to appreciate it.
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Old 05-27-2010, 08:02 PM
 
Location: Chicago
36,643 posts, read 58,009,032 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Union Federal View Post
So who is the new guy you are trying out? I doubt you are leaving a warm bed for a cold one. I feel bad for your husband, who sounds like a decent guy, he's not abusive, vindictive, or violent. He just happens to have the bad luck of having a selfish wife who is probably impossible to satisfy and is bored. Good luck to the next guy.
Shaddap
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Old 05-27-2010, 08:18 PM
 
Location: somewhere south of Canada
2,144 posts, read 2,591,399 times
Reputation: 2515
The OP sounds so much like my ex-fiance it's scary. Now, this is the ex that everyone is telling me to forget about in another thread, because he cheated on me, left me right before our wedding and a host of other crap.

The OP sounds like she'd be a perfect match for my ex - both selfish and have no regard at all for anyone's feelings but their own. Makes me sick
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Old 05-27-2010, 08:36 PM
 
Location: colorado
2,789 posts, read 2,556,986 times
Reputation: 3223
Quote:
Originally Posted by genx View Post
For those who have been through divorce, how far in advance should I tell my SO that I want to leave? 2 weeks? 1 month?

How much time would you have liked to have had before someone left?

Reason for splitting is I'm just out of love - there is no abuse or infidelity. No kids involved.

I want to do it as gently as possible to minimize SO's pain.
It depends on the living situation too
you guys renting together. I'd say leave now but if your on the lease your going to have to pay rent still or however you two have it worked out. You just cant leave someone in an fianancle bind.
Own the home together. Then leave now, and work out the house situation with a lawyer.
If you have no kids involved then why do you have to stay?
You dont have to stay, but you do have to realize there is a financial responsibility.
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Old 05-28-2010, 08:49 AM
 
Location: the good ol' USA where freedom rings
213 posts, read 233,693 times
Reputation: 272
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tropical Trouble View Post
The OP sounds so much like my ex-fiance it's scary. Now, this is the ex that everyone is telling me to forget about in another thread, because he cheated on me, left me right before our wedding and a host of other crap.

The OP sounds like she'd be a perfect match for my ex - both selfish and have no regard at all for anyone's feelings but their own. Makes me sick
Yes, I'll agree that I am selfish for wanting out my marriage to return to a single person's freedom, but I am not cheating or have I ever cheated on my hubby during our marriage. I am not leaving him for anybody else. I have no one lined up or have any desire to be in a relationship for a while.
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