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Thanks everyone for your opinions. I am female and I am married to a husband. I have been contemplating divorce for about 2 years now - been married for almost 7. It's one of those "we've grown apart sort of things." He's not bad to me and I'm not bad to him, I just feel like its time to move on with my life and try something different.
I was just wondering how much time I should warn my husband before leaving. He'll probably be blindsided, maybe angry, but he's not a violent or vindictive person, we're both sort of passive, gentle souls. I don't think marriage counseling would help, I've pretty much made up my mind that marriage isn't for me.
Pfft. My husband of 25 years told me he didn't want to be married anymore and I was blindsided, but that was nearly 5 years ago and he is still here, and he has made no move to actually divorce me. The last time he mentioned it was about 8 months ago and I told him to go ahead and leave, but he didn't. I guess he thought I would be so upset I would hire a lawyer and get the ball rolling...but I didn't. I just live my life and work around him.
A friend of mine told her husband she wanted a divorce and was out of the house a week later. I think that's how it is supposed to be done.
Thanks everyone for your opinions. I am female and I am married to a husband. I have been contemplating divorce for about 2 years now - been married for almost 7. It's one of those "we've grown apart sort of things." He's not bad to me and I'm not bad to him, I just feel like its time to move on with my life and try something different.
I was just wondering how much time I should warn my husband before leaving. He'll probably be blindsided, maybe angry, but he's not a violent or vindictive person, we're both sort of passive, gentle souls. I don't think marriage counseling would help, I've pretty much made up my mind that marriage isn't for me.
All I am going to say is, if you think you will get divorced and then end up with the fairy-tale love you think you've been missing... you are probably wrong and will be alone for a very long time. In the end you will likely settle, and will likely be in a less desirable situation than what you have now. Far less.
Fact is, there is a very select group of people like you, married to a good person who just doesn't do it for you anymore. This group is called Everybody. The smart ones pull up their grown up-pants and fight through it, recognizing it for the phase it is meant to be. The others get a divorce. Since you are a female I will warn you that the market for the resale of your used goods is about 10% of the value you think. I learned that the hard way... and five years later, I would kill for a relationship with a man who is a good guy but perhaps doesn't do it for me as much as I like.
Thanks everyone for your opinions. I am female and I am married to a husband. I have been contemplating divorce for about 2 years now - been married for almost 7. It's one of those "we've grown apart sort of things." He's not bad to me and I'm not bad to him, I just feel like its time to move on with my life and try something different.
I was just wondering how much time I should warn my husband before leaving. He'll probably be blindsided, maybe angry, but he's not a violent or vindictive person, we're both sort of passive, gentle souls. I don't think marriage counseling would help, I've pretty much made up my mind that marriage isn't for me.
So who is the new guy you are trying out? I doubt you are leaving a warm bed for a cold one. I feel bad for your husband, who sounds like a decent guy, he's not abusive, vindictive, or violent. He just happens to have the bad luck of having a selfish wife who is probably impossible to satisfy and is bored. Good luck to the next guy.
So who is the new guy you are trying out? I doubt you are leaving a warm bed for a cold one.
Just because you clearly would rather be in a loveless marriage than single doesn't mean everyone would. Some people actually have the self respect and guts to be alone than be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. Just because she is not scared to be on her own doesn't mean she's already seeing someone else. It sounds like your bitter comments are coming from a personal experience that you're imposing on someone you don't know.
The OP wasn't asking for marital advice. If she was, I might agree with some of the advice she's getting and add my own two cents. But this is something she has been contemplating for two years out of a seven year marriage. It's not a rash, impulsive decision made out of anger. Let's give her some credit.
She may look back some day and realize that she made a mistake, but that will be her burden to bear.
Thanks for your comments even those who are critical of my decision. There is a degree of selfishness involved but I've pretty much convinced myself that perhaps my hubby will be able to find a better someone who truly loves him. As for myself, I'm not seeking another fairy tale ending, I've pretty much decided I'm not cut out for marriage - I like the freedom and independence of being single. Yes, I may regret this decision some day but in my heart I feel like its the right thing to do.
When mine moved said she wanted out, refused to go to counseling and all that. I cut her off right away. I gave her time to get her belongings. She kept asking for money, which I said no effing way. You left, you refuse to seek help, you want this. I told her you better figure it out. After supporting you and your dreams for the last 10 years you pull this.
Just because you clearly would rather be in a loveless marriage than single doesn't mean everyone would. Some people actually have the self respect and guts to be alone than be in a relationship just for the sake of being in one. Just because she is not scared to be on her own doesn't mean she's already seeing someone else. It sounds like your bitter comments are coming from a personal experience that you're imposing on someone you don't know.
So what is the point of getting married? Why not just be boyfriend and girlfriend? If you can back out of a marriage because "I want to try something new" then you never should have gotten married in the first place. Here is a typical City Data post:
Woman: I think I want a divorce. My husband is boring. Poster: Divorce him. You don't need that in your life. Woman: Problem is that he is a good guy and this will devastate him Poster: You have to do what's best for you. Get rid of him and never look back.
It doesn't take guts to get a divorce. Divorce is the easy way out. You are forgetting that when you divorce, you destroy TWO peoples lives. Obviously, in cases of abuse, neglect, or infidelity, it may be the only logical decision, but that is not going on here. And yes, I do speak from experience. I can only speak from experience. When you are married, the decisions you make affect BOTH peoples lives. It would be one thing if only she was affected by her choice. She isn't. It's selfish to think otherwise.
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