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For most modern relationships, the whole ideal of looking for one partner that will satisfy all our needs for a lifetime all by themselves creates this issue. Especially for women.
The problem is you're expecting to invest everything into one relationship. This makes the risk--if the person isn't the right one or fails in some way--really, really high. So women--typically--and some men will actually go through and snoop to verify they aren't getting burned by "the one."
(Men are usually less likely to snoop because--frankly--men are more willing to entertain the idea of letting more than one person fulfill their needs.)
That's also where jealousy comes from--the desperation of a high investment into that one partner and the risk from living in an environment they can't control every move the partner makes.
Yeah but that's different.... any child would snoop for Christmas presents since it's a very special holiday.
I was referring towards the need to check on your partner when it's suppose to be a relationship base on trust and communication. If you have none of those then what's the point??
Actually sometimes people leave things which prompt a fair honest snoop....ie; when your so stays at the computer after you go to bed and forgets to close out im conversations. Hmmm, that would prompt anyone to snoop and at that point, fair game. But, just out of the blue, insecurity???? nope to snooping
If you ask me... if you feel you have to snoop around, yeah - there's already some pretty huge problems. But for many of us, if we didn't snoop around, some of us may never have had the courage, or justification, to end the relationship in light of the crimes coming to surface, when ending it previously on a "bad hunch" or "gut feeling" paled in comparison to the many years/etc that we had invested in the person originally.
If you feel that way...why even be in a relationship w/ someone?
yyIf you don't know the person...why did you take the steps that lead to a long-term relationship w/ them?
I pretty much agree with the opinions expressed so far but let me ask a question. What would you do if you suspected that your SO was having an affair but you didn't know for sure? For myself, I think I'd simply ask her directly and attempt to explain my concerns in a non accusatory manner. This is probably why people tend to snoop although I know one guy I used to work with who was always checking up on how much his wife was spending because she was apparently causing them serious financial problems.
Depends.
Sometimes the person is just insecure.
Other times they actually have observed certain behavior that may raise flags.
And if the other person is doing wrong its doubtful they will admit to it outside of being clearly caught unless they want to end the relationship or they have a good idea that they will not get dumped immediately.
I pretty much agree with the opinions expressed so far but let me ask a question. What would you do if you suspected that your SO was having an affair but you didn't know for sure? For myself, I think I'd simply ask her directly and attempt to explain my concerns in a non accusatory manner. This is probably why people tend to snoop although I know one guy I used to work with who was always checking up on how much his wife was spending because she was apparently causing them serious financial problems.
I would simply talked about my concerns with b/f (look for gesture signals also as he's talking to me). However, if they deny it and no gesture signals are present then there isn't much you can do about it but take their word. The truth comes out sooner or later.
As for the guy checking on his wife for financial issues, I'm guessing there hasn't been any communication about it early nor boundaries establish.
One of my exes IM'ed me when I was with someone else. I told her (the "someone else") about it and she got mad at me, like I was trying to hide something because I did not tell her right away. Why didn't I tell her right away? Well, you see, she got mad...
And so the door revolves....
If I REALLY wanted to hide it, or if I had any intentions of rekindling that relationship when I was in a midst of another one--then why would I EVER say anything about it? If I'm reticent, it is because the response is predictable, and I want to avoid that response.
When you have a jealous or otherwise insecure girlfriend, sometimes you are less forthcoming with things.
Just a thought.
Last edited by TKramar; 05-26-2010 at 06:07 AM..
Reason: clarification
As time passes by I keep hearing about stories of the SO (typically women) checking their partner's cell phone, emails, computer files, etc....
Isn't the relationship over right there? In the moment you have to snoop around to see what they're up to or if they're lying there's no relationship anymore.
I would be greatly upset if my boyfriend was snooping around (even if there was a reason) because there's always the option to either be straight forward or say what you feel about certain things or just leave... than go checking on my stuff without my permission.
Cheaters have gotten so bad now that nobody trusts anybody any more. its sad when you think about it
I learned not to trust a MF as soon as my ages rolled into the double digits. Everyone who is afraid of a snoop has something to hide. Thats what I know!
If you were so 100% with your other half you can share and tell ANYTHING.
I think its insane to push our body parts into each other but you can't know what the other is doing or thinking? What part of that does not seem lowly, trashy, and cheap?
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