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Old 05-26-2010, 03:17 PM
332 posts, read 580,746 times
Reputation: 179


If you are snooping just to snoop then I agree it is wrong. Unless you have trust baggage from somewhere else, I doubt anyone is snooping without a reason. I have snooped when I felt it was appropriate like when my husband was putting a code lock on his cell phone, texting all night long to who knows who, and many other examples of behavior inappropriate for a married man. I wish it was as easy as judging someone as just not having anything else better to do OR telling someone they should just leave if they aren't happy instead of snooping. When you are married and have children, things are way more complicated than that. I think the snooping and the reasons for snooping are situational and it is hard to put an opinion on that without knowing specifically what went down to cause the person to snoop in the first place.

Old 05-26-2010, 03:18 PM
332 posts, read 580,746 times
Reputation: 179
TKamar, Why would you still have a Match.com account open? That doesn't make sense to me.
Old 05-26-2010, 03:22 PM
Location: in my imagination
10,778 posts, read 17,302,860 times
Reputation: 7522
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
What is the big fear? What are you afraid of sharing?

The past homemade vids and pics.
Old 05-26-2010, 03:24 PM
Location: Bradenton, Florida
27,236 posts, read 38,231,074 times
Reputation: 10851
I don't even know why they send me emails...I just toss them out at some point, unopened. When I get around to it. I've tried to close some accounts, or see if inactivity would close them automatically, but they refuse to do so. You would think they'd want to get rid of inactive accounts automatically, but I guess it "makes them look good".

As it turns out, that particular relationship lasted a year. Longer than some I've had. It would be nice to go five years with someone, or more, but that may never end up happening. So--in the end--there's really no reason NOT to stay active unless she can assure me she's going to stick around for the rest of my life.
Old 05-26-2010, 06:19 PM
Location: southwest TN
7,973 posts, read 13,150,382 times
Reputation: 14029
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
Is it still a snoop if they look and tell?

Sorry but I never found nothing when I snooped. Not once. I don't snoop like crazy without something happening first though.

God I love being creepy and informed in a world of liars. Its fabulous.
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch View Post
SERIOUSLY wanted to rep this, but I've shown you too much love already and now my passion for your words is verboten, zapreshchen', taboo... or at least I can't rep you until I spread my love a bit.
It's ok, I repped her since I can't rep you for another post

Still can't rep JJ either

Pitt, I'm so sorry someone did such emotional harm to you. But lowering yourself to the level of a sneak and a dishonest person doesn't make it better. Even if you did find out what you suspected. The point is, you distrust the person. End it, don't become them.
Old 05-26-2010, 06:41 PM
9,415 posts, read 10,491,147 times
Reputation: 20133
Originally Posted by Redisca View Post
It's not only cheaters and criminals who need privacy and personal space. It's very hard to explain these concepts to someone who does not believe in them, but privacy has a lot to do with personal autonomy -- and you shouldn't be expected to relinquish that when you get into a relationship.
Exactly Redisca.

What is so wrong with having secrets that you don't want to share? I have a past and I have many secrets, it is part of my personality to be guarded and private. I share what I choose to share but I don't feel any great need to spill my guts to even my trusted SO.

I have many years worth of diaries that I have kept. I don't have one any longer but my old diaries are kept hidden and will be released to my children when I die.
Old 05-26-2010, 06:43 PM
550 posts, read 1,031,554 times
Reputation: 336
I wouldn't like a girl to see my porntaste...It's not something particularly wierd(still straight without any fetish but different bodytype), it's just that my porn taste is kinda different from my real-lifetaste...

And if I met someone who i did not meet through internet i wouldn't tell her I had a match.com and similar...i would just take myself off the site, so sh can't find me there... simply because some people see it as desperate to have such pages...and well frankly I'd probably not be on it if I wasn't...

Also I like music that may be misinterpreted as me having far right-wing and far left wing political views that I don't have, just find the the extremism amusing... but thats kinda hard to explain to some women when their all fired up about being upset and all...

None of these would be any catastrophy is a girl found out, but I'd simply prefer her not to... otherwise I just don't have any serious skeleton in my closet...
Old 05-26-2010, 07:12 PM
4,379 posts, read 3,915,481 times
Reputation: 1612
it's not fear. It's human nature to demand some kind of autonomy over one's life, especially when one is an adult.

I think personally when one reaches tweenhood (so to speak, even if it's not a word lol) they should be allowed privacy in one's life, as any adult would demand.

I always go on the principle that a person will say what they want to say, or divulge what they want to divulge. We cannot control others in life. In a relationship, there still is privacy.
Old 05-26-2010, 07:12 PM
Location: Canada
283 posts, read 380,203 times
Reputation: 199
If you ever snoop me i'll record everything you say so ill have bullets for the divorce. Thats how crazy we both are. hahahahhaha

If you have doubts about someone just ask you don't need to go snooping to get the truth.

Trust is easy to shatter and difficult to fix.

Snooping is = Distrust in my dictionary.
Old 05-26-2010, 08:23 PM
44,069 posts, read 44,160,069 times
Reputation: 46371
Originally Posted by pitt_transplant View Post
Yeh..the non trigger snoop. I never did that. I am afraid to look in people's med cabinets. It just seems like an opener for a horror movie. Or a comedy.
I once heard of someone putting a bunch of marbles in their medicine cabinet and then closing the door quick because a snoop was coming over and she knew the woman would look in her cabinet.
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