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To address something from a different post (not yours, US), there is no 'foot putting down' in our family whatsoever. I know some people think it's inevitable that someone in a couple has to step up as the leader. I think that's a bunch of crap perpetuated by power-hungry traditionalists.
Leadership has moved on from putting the foot down to choosing a restaurant because one spouse doesn't want to be bothered making the decision.
But it's not the nature of people to simply act without even the simplest guidance. Look at informal groups of people who get together to complete virtually any project, watch how there will be round-table-variety discussion and then when all is settled folks will kind of mill about until someone finally claps their hands or raises their voice and says "Okay, let's get TO it!"
Those almost-seamless partnerships are great when they happen, whether marital or merely any given partnership -- but they're very, very, very rare. More often than not someone IS in charge.
I see what you mean about the group situation with projects (been there, done that), but that really isn't the same thing as TWO people who love each other and are committed to each other and a life plan.
I see what you mean about the group situation with projects (been there, done that), but that really isn't the same thing as TWO people who love each other and are committed to each other and a life plan.
Agree. Equating group dynamics with a 2-person partnership -- a family -- doesn't cut. One person always clapping hands in a partnership equals power-hungry traditionalism. And the fact that there are still many people accepting it, doesn't make it right. At some point, the majority accepted that blacks should have separate entrances, schools and be called the N word. It didn't make it right.
I would disagree with this, but NOT because I don't think it SHOULD be correct. I'd much, much rather it was and I have to agree there are a few couples and/or households out there where such a thing isn't necessary.
But it's not the nature of people to simply act without even the simplest guidance. Look at informal groups of people who get together to complete virtually any project, watch how there will be round-table-variety discussion and then when all is settled folks will kind of mill about until someone finally claps their hands or raises their voice and says "Okay, let's get TO it!"
And then, as though given permission, everyone will go do their respective job.
Those almost-seamless partnerships are great when they happen, whether marital or merely any given partnership -- but they're very, very, very rare. More often than not someone IS in charge.
That is the kind of thing that is going to cause strife in a marriage. Having to motivate a partner to take care of his/her business is not a good position to be in. Every clap of the hand would clap a way respect bit by bit. I wouldn't be surprised if a segment of poor marriages contend with those issues.
I see what you mean about the group situation with projects (been there, done that), but that really isn't the same thing as TWO people who love each other and are committed to each other and a life plan.
It certainly shouldn't be. Then again, the couple you're describing is generally successful as a couple, successful in the relationship. Men aren't worried about women not pulling their weight, women aren't worried about men being layabout leeches -- not in those couples. In those couples they're just worried about what they can bring to the table and they TRUST the other person to hold up their end of the bargain.
But how many of those are there? And how many people in general out there act with any degree of sense?
Agree. Equating group dynamics with a 2-person partnership -- a family -- doesn't cut. One person always clapping hands in a partnership equals power-hungry traditionalism. And the fact that there are still many people accepting it, doesn't make it right. At some point, the majority accepted that blacks should have separate entrances, schools and be called the N word. It didn't make it right.
DOES is always mean power-hungry traditionalism? Always?
Doesn't it ever mean one person is frustrated by an actual lack of action on the part of the other person?
I think my response to Stan4 addresses this adequately.
It certainly shouldn't be. Then again, the couple you're describing is generally successful as a couple, successful in the relationship. Men aren't worried about women not pulling their weight, women aren't worried about men being layabout leeches -- not in those couples. In those couples they're just worried about what they can bring to the table and they TRUST the other person to hold up their end of the bargain.
But how many of those are there? And how many people in general out there act with any degree of sense?
Oh, I don't argue with the idea that there are few people/couples like that out there. But if people keep putting up with and perpetuating attitudes and stereotypes like smrtalx (sp?), it's never going to get any better.
Oh, I don't argue with the idea that there are few people/couples like that out there. But if people keep putting up with and perpetuating attitudes and stereotypes like smrtalx (sp?), it's never going to get any better.
Inarguable. But at the moment we're not talking about what will make it all better, we're talking about what is.
Oh, I don't argue with the idea that there are few people/couples like that out there. But if people keep putting up with and perpetuating attitudes and stereotypes like smrtalx (sp?), it's never going to get any better.
Even with lazy people abound, I'm still not sure where rights come into play. He has the right to lead, clap? whatever. Why?
Even with lazy people abound, I'm still not sure where rights come into play. He has the right to lead, clap? whatever. Why?
Hold it, B -- reassess.
I never, ever said he.
I said someone.
The fact that you resent it and automatically apply the pronoun HE when I never said that... hmm...
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