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So you guys know from a lot of my posts that I have said a lot of downright hateful things about women on here, which on my part is wrong, I would even go to say that I have exaggerated greatly on some of my statements, and deep down I don't think I even fully believe in them
I am pretty confident in a majority of things I do, and 90% of the time I am successful in the things I do.
But when it comes to women, I am afraid to talk to them. I see a woman I might want to talk to and I automatically think "Why should I? She would just reject me like every other girl I've met" or "She could do so much better then me" or this one "She's just gonna make me spend all my money on her and then reject me anyways, so why bother?"
And even if I DO talk to a woman Im interested in, I get so overworked and over think and overanalyze it so much that I come across as very socially awkward, or even downright creepy.
I just want to know if any other men on this forum have had as much trouble as I have had in the past?
I have moved to a new city and it's a chance for a brand new start. I am good at talking to people, but not so good at making or keeping friends, and women usually run the other way when they see me
Sorry to sound whiny, just wondering if any other guy has this problem. As I said, this is really the only thing in life I have ZERO confidence in doing, well that and anything beyond basic math
Of course other guys feel like this. I have worked in this area for over five years and your story is typical. Guys get successful in "areas of control" that is places where you can exert your masculine influence - Here for example you can have stong opinions, at work you can be strong, full of authority and expertise, your finances you can learn to control but women... oh dear. How on earth do you control them.
I mean, you say "Hi" and she could say "Hi" too but just as easily she can say "Go jump in the sea" or (as happened to a guy I worked with) "Leave me alone. I don't date ugly guys." People that hear that story laugh with a kind of uncomfortable titter that says "sure that's real funny as long a it doesnt happen to me"
So women are WAY out of the control zone. They are unpredictable as they are in touch with their emotional side and quite capable of doing "irrational" things.
Our society (I don't have a problem with society... well I do... from certain perspectives and on certain subjects it needs improvement) does nohingto help men to solve this, quite natural, problem. Men in general still think that women "should" act like men. Men... in general... still think that women go for guys who are handsome and rich with impressive sounding jobs. Men still think that the adolescent idea of what is sexy, is still sexy to adult women.
Yeah lots of confusion goin around.
But there is a way out of all this confusion. There are many professional groups that you can approach. I don't know if I can mention them on this forum but there are lot's. Som are totally fantastic and will help you to totally blow this problem away,.. and sadly there are others (some of the more popular ones in fact) that just pump up your ego and turn you into a jerk.
Oh I forgot... Men still think that women love jerks. They don't. They love strong, integrous, open, authentic, grounded, loving men who know what they want but have a strong sense of compassion and empathy. I think that about sums it up.
Another thing. Men react to womens opinions. "Oh your a jerk" she says... and guys just shrivel up or turn into "chulos" (spanish word...er... I guess posers or smart asses) instead of being good humored and solid.
It means meeting more women and practising being open. Going out and talking despite the shyness and despite the nerves... feeling bad and training yourself to take it without collapsing into yourself or freaking out.
Last edited by Brendancclarke; 06-02-2010 at 02:12 AM..
Nothing to do with it. The relationship you have with the women is your own responsibility. It doesnt come naturally, it must be developed. To tar them with a "whiney femeninst" brush is anattempt to make the problem theirs.
The problem isnt theirs at all. Women test men... and rightly so. They want to see from what die you are cast. They want to see what you are made of. All they have to do is "squeeze" a little and it all comes out.
Women want men who will risk rejection, who define their own self worth without resorting to name calling, blaming and approval seeking. These men are rare. some are lucky enough to have this as heir upbringing... perhaps strong models of masculinity in the family. Most have father who relate to women like "Al Bundy"... Why do you think that show was so popular? Al represented our inner attitudes of fear of women.
No, not femenists... just femenine. We (men) must learn to handle it.
Er... with the exception of the girl who said "I don't date ugly guys" who was clearly an ass.
Last edited by Brendancclarke; 06-02-2010 at 02:14 AM..
Reason: spelling
There are some cases though that the guy might just be having bad luck with women and he has never had 'good' women to choose from. It's rare, but it happens to some people.
But when it comes to women, I am afraid to talk to them. I see a woman I might want to talk to and I automatically think "Why should I? She would just reject me like every other girl I've met" or "She could do so much better then me" or this one "She's just gonna make me spend all my money on her and then reject me anyways, so why bother?"
drop the attitute dood. im one average looking broke ass mofo. ive landed girls "out of my league" as some would put it plenty of times. i am me, that aint gonna change. i walk around with a dumb smile on my face at all times and i think im awesome rather then going "oh she could do better". it works
just try walking up to random girls and talking. if you crash you dont know her so who cares? eventually youll get better and realize their opinions of you mean nothing.
So you guys know from a lot of my posts that I have said a lot of downright hateful things about women on here, which on my part is wrong, I would even go to say that I have exaggerated greatly on some of my statements, and deep down I don't think I even fully believe in them
I am pretty confident in a majority of things I do, and 90% of the time I am successful in the things I do.
But when it comes to women, I am afraid to talk to them. I see a woman I might want to talk to and I automatically think "Why should I? She would just reject me like every other girl I've met" or "She could do so much better then me" or this one "She's just gonna make me spend all my money on her and then reject me anyways, so why bother?"
And even if I DO talk to a woman Im interested in, I get so overworked and over think and overanalyze it so much that I come across as very socially awkward, or even downright creepy.
I just want to know if any other men on this forum have had as much trouble as I have had in the past?
I have moved to a new city and it's a chance for a brand new start. I am good at talking to people, but not so good at making or keeping friends, and women usually run the other way when they see me
Sorry to sound whiny, just wondering if any other guy has this problem. As I said, this is really the only thing in life I have ZERO confidence in doing, well that and anything beyond basic math
I'm not expert, but it sounds to me like you lash out at women in general, because you are deep down scared of them.
When we humans don't understand something, we have a tendency to reject it, hate it, and try to avoid it.
I think before you set out on a relationship, you need to work through your self esteem issues. Otherwise, you're going to wind up hating the person your with, which isn't good for anyone.
That said, women aren't that different from men in the end. They usually have the same desires and dreams that you do. They have most of the same feelings that you do. They have the same sex drive that you do, theirs is really even higher when they find the right man, generally.
They aren't out to get you. You've got to be secure enough with who you are, to ask a total stranger out on a date. It doesn't take much, what are they going to say, no? Big whopping deal, its not like there aren't 149,999,999 other women for you to ask in this country alone. I'm willing to bet that at least a few of those women are willing to date you.
You seem like you have some deep hurt, maybe your mom treated you badly, maybe you had a sister that picked on you, I don't know. My suggestion is to go and see a head shrink, work through your issues, and you'll find someone you truly deserve, that'll make you happy.
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