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A few months ago a girlfriend of mine asked me if I was interested in joining her for a pole dancing fitness class. Having always heard they are a barrell of laughs with the girls and also help to get you fit, I was instantly excited and accepted. When I went home that night and told my boyfriend I was going to be taking the class he was not pleased. He went all quiet on me and when I asked him what was up he said he thought doing the class was sleazy and disrespectful to him, and that if his family was having a get together one night and I was at one of my "classes" he would be embarrassed to tell them so. I explained to him that I wasn't going to be dancing in a thong in front of a room full of men, but in a hall in my sweats with a bunch of other women, but he wouldn't have it.
He didn't say he didn't want me to do it, but he made me feel terribly guilty so I told my girlfriend I had changed my mind. All these months later, even though I didn't even take the class, he makes remarks if anything about pole dancing comes on tv - "she's just getting fit, right?" and things like that. I ask him "please don't say that, I didn't even take the class" and he responds with "hey, I didn't say you couldn't do it". In my opinion he didn't have to. If I had chosen to take that class he would have punished me and punished me, but he would have done it in a joking way even though he was serious, just so he didn't show up as the bad guy.
Guys how would you feel if your girl came to you and told you she wanted to participate in one of these classes? Is my bf just being insecure or is he right? To me it just seemed like a bit of fun with your girlfriends!
Since I enjoy strip clubs and strippers I think its a novel idea.
And there would be no cover charge or two drink minimum for my lady's show.
Its more a question of preference.
Some guys would like it others would not.
But for him to keep throwing it in your face is pretty rude and disrespectful.
Might want to let him know to cut that out.
I have been telling myself "this is the time to do it" for months now, but I just can't seem to get any further than doing it in my mind.
It might take me a while longer and I know it sucks to do this to both me AND him, but I just... I just need more time.
It really helps me that I can talk about this stuff on here though, you guys have no idea. *cuddles*
If this is the same dude you refer to in other threads its past time for him to be dismissed.
How much are you going to take off of him?
For your own mental well being it would be smart to drop him.
If I were a personal friend of yours I'd drop him with a roundhouse.
But for him to keep throwing it in your face is pretty rude and disrespectful.
Might want to let him know to cut that out.
Yeah that's the part that gets to me the most. He is entitled to his opinion, and if he objects to me doing it I am happy he speaks up instead of pretending everything is ok, but to punish me afterwards when I didn't even take the class... that's what *****es me off.
Haha I have let him know, many many times. It has become clear to me lately that although he might love me, he doesn't take my feelings seriously.
Yeah that's the part that gets to me the most. He is entitled to his opinion, and if he objects to me doing it I am happy he speaks up instead of pretending everything is ok, but to punish me afterwards when I didn't even take the class... that's what *****es me off.
Haha I have let him know, many many times. It has become clear to me lately that although he might love me, he doesn't take my feelings seriously.
And someone not taking your feelings seriously constitutes love?
Okay then.
I would love it if my girl said she was doing this. I would hope it would dispel some of her prudishness, because she is way too reserved for my tastes
yeah, sorry, there is no reason for him to be acting like that. even if he thought his parents might think it was weird, is he a grown man? does he go to mommy everytime he has a beer or does something outside their moral order? and what sort of square would think that something sexy yet innocent like that was "sleazy"? you gave in on this one and i don't think you should have. it isn't too late to take that class. he must know he is a deep down douchetackle so if you get too fit and sexy and its that much easier to leave him. which you should.
WOW. It's called respect, not slavery. And it goes both ways.
A relationship involves give and take. If her boyfriend wasn't comfortable with the class, he had every right to say so. Similarly, if boyfriend comes home tomorrow and says, "Hey, a bunch of guys are talking about going to vegas for the weekend", she has every right to speak up if she finds it inappropriate for some reason.
I ask my husband before I do anything like sign up for a class, plan time away, or change up the routine. He does the same. We love each other, and want the other to be happy. It's hardly slavery.
sure, he had a right to say so. did he have a right to continue making her feel guilty over something she didn't even do? did he have the right to not even own his own opinion, but make the excuse that his PARENTS would think it was SLEAZY?
sorry, your "give and take" yardstick only works against a healthy relationship. a boyfriend voicing a dissenting opinion is a far cry from the guilt tripping insecure and yes ABUSIVE boyfriend scenario we have here. if you love someone you want them to be happy. it doesn't sound like this guy has given the slightest thought to her happiness or needs, instead has painted her in very lurid brushstrokes and then GUILTED her even tho she didn't even take the class. give me a break.
has painted her in very lurid brushstrokes and then GUILTED her even tho she didn't even take the class. give me a break.
Yes I never had a problem with him voicing his opinion. If he really felt that uncomfortable with me doing it I wouldn’t (and didn’t), but it’s not like it was just left at that.
He probably just doesn't want you taking up the same headspace as the strippers he's paid to see do. You may not like it, and he may be out of line trying to control you...but he may just think it's cheap and sleezy and doesn't want to think of you being that way. That's his right just as it's yours to do as you like.
The trouble with free thinking is you don't get to control what/how others think.
A few months ago a girlfriend of mine asked me if I was interested in joining her for a pole dancing fitness class. Having always heard they are a barrell of laughs with the girls and also help to get you fit, I was instantly excited and accepted. When I went home that night and told my boyfriend I was going to be taking the class he was not pleased. He went all quiet on me and when I asked him what was up he said he thought doing the class was sleazy and disrespectful to him, and that if his family was having a get together one night and I was at one of my "classes" he would be embarrassed to tell them so. I explained to him that I wasn't going to be dancing in a thong in front of a room full of men, but in a hall in my sweats with a bunch of other women, but he wouldn't have it.
He didn't say he didn't want me to do it, but he made me feel terribly guilty so I told my girlfriend I had changed my mind. All these months later, even though I didn't even take the class, he makes remarks if anything about pole dancing comes on tv - "she's just getting fit, right?" and things like that. I ask him "please don't say that, I didn't even take the class" and he responds with "hey, I didn't say you couldn't do it". In my opinion he didn't have to. If I had chosen to take that class he would have punished me and punished me, but he would have done it in a joking way even though he was serious, just so he didn't show up as the bad guy.
Guys how would you feel if your girl came to you and told you she wanted to participate in one of these classes? Is my bf just being insecure or is he right? To me it just seemed like a bit of fun with your girlfriends!
Well if you are a guy you say i've got a pole right here for you .
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*cuddles*
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