Have you converted to another religion for your spouse? (Buddhist, America, churches)

[foma]

Has anybody converted for their spouse? If so, how was your experience? Did you make the right choice? Or, if your spouse converted to your religion, how did you guys make the choice? Or, if you two are different religions, how do you raise your children?

As some of you many know, I'm agnostic and my husband is Catholic. My husband wants to raise our future children Catholic, which I have no problem with except he's non-practicing now and every time I nag him about finding a church to attend, he always blows it off. Isn't that kind of hypocritical? Anyway, so I don't have a prob with raising our children Catholic but I want to learn more about the religion beforehand. I don't know if I want to convert, however, but I guess that all depends on how things go when/if we start going to church for our kids. I hear you take classes or something before converting to Catholicism.

Which brings me to another point. Is it totally unfair of me to nag my husband about this? Here he is, a non-practicing Catholic, telling his agnostic wife, "Let's raise our kids Catholic," yet he's making no effort to "include" me. I just don't get it. I WANT to learn more about Catohlicism but he is taking no measures to make that happen. Personally, I think he's just lazy. I also think he has issues with the Catholic faith and that's why he quit going so that's why he's not "pushing" me, if that makes sense. I think because he was raised Catholic, he wants his kids to be raised the same way even though he leads a pretty secular life. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and I love him bunches but how can the agnostic in the family lead the family to the Catholic church?! (In his defense, he works super duper long hours so I don't think it's just laziness but there's sheer exhaustion in there, too!)

Okay, I have no prob with anybody posting here but please please please don't quote any scripture to me.

[irishmom]

Ok well my husband was raised in Church of Christ, was very "suffocated" there (his words not mine) and turned off of religion there (again his words) so when I met him he was also non-practicing. I have always been a practicing Catholic, although at times more consistent in church attendance than at other times (especially in my early 20's it's hard to get to church on Sunday morning when you can't get up due to your hang over). We got married in the Catholic church and to do that we got dispensation to perform the marriage, you need to promise to raise any children resulting from the marriage in the Catholic faith. We signed and got married with out really thinking about it.

Well when we had my first son I told my husband that I wanted to raise him with a religious upbringing and that he needed to tell me if he wanted to do Catholic or if he wanted to pick a different church. I also explained to him since I am not comfortable with a different church that he would have to take the lead in the religion department (meaning any formal education classes or what ever the equivalent of CCD is for other Christian churches). He said he really didn't care and would be glad to raise them Catholic.

Well that was fine until my son got old enough to go to school, Catholic school in first grade. I told my husband that since he had so many misconceptions about the Catholic faith and church that I wanted him to take the classes (the classes are the ones you take to convert, but I told him he did not need to convert) to learn about the faith his children were being raised in. He yeilded to this because it was important to me, and after several long conversations about it he agreed he should understand what his children were learning.

He totally enjoyed the classes, was amazed that all the things he was told about Catholics growing up were wrong, and decided on his own to be confirmed. I was shocked, really didn't expect that...but I was amused at his mother's reaction when he told her...she is the one who taught him all those misconceptions after all.

So if you are agnostic and are comfortable teaching your children what you believe then go for it. If your husband wants them to be raised Catholic then it's up to him to bring that faith into their lives, and handle the religion stuff. I would encourage you to either attend the classes or at least read up on Catholicism so when the kids get religion homework you can not only help them to understand what they are being taught but be knowledgable enough to intelligently discuss what you believe in comparison with them. Good luck and tell your husband I said to get off his tush if this is what he really wants for his kids.

[foma]

irishmom - your story about your kids is EXACTLY why I want to start going to Church and take classes! Like I'm going to have time to do this when we actually HAVE kids so why not do it now?!

Now that you mentioned about the "promise to raise our kids Catholic" line, I remember making the same promise before we got married. Well, I'm glad things worked out for you guys. I told my husband that if he doesn't get going on this, "when the time comes to baptize the kids and take 'em to communion and stuff, don't be surprised if I have an issue with it b'c YOURE the one who didn't do what I asked you to for me to be okay with it all!" Oh well, I'm sure he'll come around ... he better! Thanks for your post!

[GCSTroop]

As I have mentioned in another post... Why raise your kids a certain religion at all? Why not tell them why people go to church and that there are different beliefs among the same religion. Let them know about evolution and natural selection. Allow them to make the choice for themself. I wouldn't force anything on to my kids. Even as an atheist, if I had a child who wanted to go to church than by all means I would not hold him back. I would not let him/her know my opinions on the church and I would not raise him as part of any religion (to include Atheism). I would simply let him find his place on his own. The problem with this world is that people are "Born Muslims, Born Christians, Born Jews, and Born Atheists" and are given no free will from their parents to make a decision. They are FORCED to go to Church on Sundays and FORCED to go to Sunday School. In my opinion, that drives people away at a young age more than it attracts them. Let your kids know all the options and let them decide for themselves and don't let any personal ideals of your own mess with what's in THEIR heart.

I think if you do this they will probably believe in God at a young age anyway. Kids like the idea of Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy and will probably believe in God. But, on the flip side they may retain an interest for science as they get older and decide that evolution is what happened. Regardless, let them decide.

My brother has a friend who is a senior in high school and he's not allowed to go out on Saturday nights because church is Sunday morning and his parents FORCE him to go. He has absolutely no desire in going yet because he lives under his parents roof they FORCE him to go. It only disheartens him even further.

[foma]

GCSTroop - Well, raising our kids Catholic is just a given. We both agreed before we took our vows that this is what we want to do. I'm cool with it.

I do agree with you, however, that if my kids in the future wanted to convert, neither my husband nor I would have a problem with it. We've talked about that, too. It is unfair to push a religion on someone. If our kids decide one day that Catholicism just isn't for them, I don't think either of us would make a big deal.

When it comes to religion, both my husband and I have pretty liberal ideals, I think. I respect my husband's wishes to raise our kids Catholic but we are both also aware and accepting that he doesn't have to "end up" Catholic, either.

[irishmom]

Originally Posted by GCSTroop

As I have mentioned in another post... Why raise your kids a certain religion at all? Why not tell them why people go to church and that there are different beliefs among the same religion. Let them know about evolution and natural selection. Allow them to make the choice for themself. I wouldn't force anything on to my kids. Even as an atheist, if I had a child who wanted to go to church than by all means I would not hold him back. I would not let him/her know my opinions on the church and I would not raise him as part of any religion (to include Atheism). I would simply let him find his place on his own. The problem with this world is that people are "Born Muslims, Born Christians, Born Jews, and Born Atheists" and are given no free will from their parents to make a decision. They are FORCED to go to Church on Sundays and FORCED to go to Sunday School. In my opinion, that drives people away at a young age more than it attracts them. Let your kids know all the options and let them decide for themselves and don't let any personal ideals of your own mess with what's in THEIR heart.

I think if you do this they will probably believe in God at a young age anyway. Kids like the idea of Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy and will probably believe in God. But, on the flip side they may retain an interest for science as they get older and decide that evolution is what happened. Regardless, let them decide.

My brother has a friend who is a senior in high school and he's not allowed to go out on Saturday nights because church is Sunday morning and his parents FORCE him to go. He has absolutely no desire in going yet because he lives under his parents roof they FORCE him to go. It only disheartens him even further.

Well this isn't really right. Think about it...kids believe in Santa, Easter Bunny, or whatever because their parents tell them about it and tell them to believe in it...they don't just come to believe in it. Some that were never told one way or the other then go to school and hear about it and are told it doesn't exist when they ask their parents. So they don't believe because their parents told them not to. The fact is that kids don't make their own decisions, and it's up to you to decide how you will raise them. Later when they are old enough to question things you then have to decide how to point them in the direction of credible information to decipher on their own, but still with your guidance or the guidance of another qualified person (like a professor in college, that you as parents are probably paying for) So religion is the same thing, you need to decide what faith you will raise them or not raise them in. I do teach my children to respect other faiths and the people who believe in them. I have explained why there are different faiths and why we believe as we do. I'm sure at some point they will seek their own truth, but until then I'm the mom and what I say goes.

[dreameyes]

Nope but my conversion led me to my sweetheart!
Good luck foma!

[foma]

Originally Posted by dreameyes

Nope but my conversion led me to my sweetheart!
Good luck foma!

lol ... thanks dreameyes

[Wisteria]

I thought about converting Judaism, but then I had too many Jewish friends who said I'd never really be accepted as a Jew -- I had to be born a Jew -- so I didn't. My daughter's father is Jewish, and my daughter is well aware that there are many religions in the world and is very open to them. She is also sort of an Agnostic, too -- she's not quite sure what to make of the whole Jesus thing, especially because of unfortunate encounters with Born Again Christians who tried to convert her, even though she is very young.

She is the one who at age 7 asked ME to take HER to a Buddhist temple that we once visited. SHE wanted to be at the Buddhist temple -- and we attended for years while there was an English-speaking monk there. We still go to the festivals, and sometimes drop in on meditations there. It's a Burmese Theraveda Buddhist temple, but, unfortunately, many of the people there do not speak English. The monks all recognize my daughter when she goes and indicate that she has been attending since she was young.

On the other hand, we also periodically attend a Presbyterian Church, go to a Catholic mission in town, a Spiritualist Church, an Espicopal Church and the Unity Church (her favorite next to the Buddhist temple). When she was in South America, she attended a Catholic church and even learned to cross herself. She found it interesting.

I've tried to expose her to a variety of faiths, and those that are not available in my town, I have spoken to her about. I am very tolerant of her exploring religions, and if she decides she wants to join a particular faith, as long as she feels happy with her choice, it's up to her. I feel good that she has tolerance for other religions, and that she is accepting of those who hold different beliefs. She's a good kid, and that is what counts to me.

[Mark S.]

I converted with my spouse, but not for her. It was something we did together.