abstinence education (genesis, Israel, Adam, Jesus Christ)

[brittZ]

I see the basic problem here as not sexual activity but as a lack of parental control. Several people have posted the same basic idea as Irishmom which is, "I never said not to set boundaries, but to expect that they will follow them when they are out there on their own is just foolish." Children know what their parents expect. If you expect that your child is not going to listen to you and will not respect the boundaries they have set, they will meet your expectation 100%. You have given them free reign to do as they please because they know you are expecting it.

If on the other hand you expect that your boundaries will be respected whether you are present or not, they will be. If you create clear and consistent penalties for crossing those boundaries and implement those penalties as soon as the boundary is crossed and every time the boundary is crossed, the boundary will be respected. Kids will be kids and do stupid things; it comes with the territory. However to expect your boundaries to not be respected is to guarantee failure. Gahhh!!! it makes me sick!

[midnightbirdgirl]

Originally Posted by irishmom

Oh but you are wrong here. Values can be taught, but they can not become one with someone until they experience life for themselves. Through their own experiences one develops their own morals and values, sometimes they line up with the ones taught by their parents and sometimes they just don't. Irregardless of what the parents want them to do, teens will eventually need to go out on their own and make their own decisions. Developmentally it is the teen years when they are drawn to distance themselves from their parents and align with peers and seek out their own identities. So hopefully what you taught them will become part of their thoughts, but there is no guarentee that experimenting with the opposite of what you taught them will happen. This is the reality of the situation. To think otherwise is just impractical and foolish.

Maybe some values that are taught are easily dismissed. Some kids really do follow what their parents teach and have a strong moral footing. I think it has a lot to do with the faith they have and whether or not they belong to Christ. Ultimately it is up to them, but most children if given the chance, will follow their parents before they will follow a peer. It depends if you give them the tools to fight peer pressure or not. Are yours armed with the armor of God...pretty strong stuff...or are they walking in the world with no shield or sword?
Nothing in life is guaranteed, I never said it was.
I never said all children will listen, but Christian parents need to teach boundaries, and teach that abstinence is best. This is only one reason I say we have very different faiths.
All children regardless of faith should be taught the benefits of abstaining and the dangers of not.
What on earth is wrong with that?



MBG

[midnightbirdgirl]

Originally Posted by brittZ

I see the basic problem here as not sexual activity but as a lack of parental control. Several people have posted the same basic idea as Irishmom which is, "I never said not to set boundaries, but to expect that they will follow them when they are out there on their own is just foolish." Children know what their parents expect. If you expect that your child is not going to listen to you and will not respect the boundaries they have set, they will meet your expectation 100%. You have given them free reign to do as they please because they know you are expecting it.

If on the other hand you expect that your boundaries will be respected whether you are present or not, they will be. If you create clear and consistent penalties for crossing those boundaries and implement those penalties as soon as the boundary is crossed and every time the boundary is crossed, the boundary will be respected. Kids will be kids and do stupid things; it comes with the territory. However to expect your boundaries to not be respected is to guarantee failure. Gahhh!!! it makes me sick!

Makes me ill as well!!
And we wonder why society is a mess, and kids are out of control....
MBG

[brittZ]

Originally Posted by arguy1973

I think you are right, I have two daughters and Im trying my best to post (write) how I will handle/ address things in the future if I do indeed find out anything is happning with a bf....trying my best not to think shovel and a 6 foot hole j/k so dont delete me, The thing I guess that it scary as a parent is that by 5th grade, they already know almost as much as I do, just from older kids, school, and tv, mags etc.

I know. I have two daughters as well and an "unknown" on the way. Just remember that because they know a little biology and some interesting vocabulary doesn't mean they actually understand everything that goes with it.

Moderator cut: off-topic

[irishmom]

Well if you think you can ultimately control your child congrats to you. I think it's more reasonable to teach the best but to expect and prepare for the worst. My oldest is only 11 so I'll get back to you in 10 years and let you know how it turned out. I'm pretty confident from my own experiences as a teen and from the experiences of parents of teens I know that I'm doing it right so far.

[tooshort]

Originally Posted by midnightbirdgirl

Maybe some values that are taught are easily dismissed. Some kids really do follow what their parents teach and have a strong moral footing. I think it has a lot to do with the faith they have and whether or not they belong to Christ. Ultimately it is up to them, but most children if given the chance, will follow their parents before they will follow a peer. It depends if you give them the tools to fight peer pressure or not. Are yours armed with the armor of God...pretty strong stuff...or are they walking in the world with no shield or sword?
Nothing in life is guaranteed, I never said it was.
I never said all children will listen, but Christian parents need to teach boundaries, and teach that abstinence is best. This is only one reason I say we have very different faiths.
All children regardless of faith should be taught the benefits of abstaining and the dangers of not.
What on earth is wrong with that?



MBG

All parents need to teach boundaries, regardless of being Christian or not.

[midnightbirdgirl]

Originally Posted by tooshort

All parents need to teach boundaries, regardless of being Christian or not.

No doubt, I was speaking specifically here of teaching abstinence. It is a Christian parents duty.
But you are so right, and many parents don't....
MBG

[Trainwreck20]

Please keep the discussion hypothetical, on topic (abstinence education), and refrain from personal comments on other posters.

Thanks

[weatherologist]

Originally Posted by alicenavada

Sciott,

I didnt want to experiment. I wanted to wait. And all my friends felt the same way I did. Most of them stood by their principles. So don't assume all kids are the same. Yeah, I knew about 'safe sex' from tv and school but it was never an issue for me.

I am very impressed by your testimony. I have not finished reading the thread, but you have been very outspoken. I cannot remember what religion you are and were brought up in. Also, did most of your social group/peers belong to the same religion? I hope that my children have the same determination and values that you do/did. Another thought, are the friends that you speak of still married and in lifelong commitments?

[weatherologist]

Originally Posted by alicenavada

Yes, we were all Jehovah's Witnesses.

Many of my friends are still married and happily so and some of them are still unmarried and virgins. Unfortunately, Satan really attacks the family these days (as is evident by the divorce rate) and some of my friends' marriages have not survived. But even those who have divorced maintain the same integrity and principles when deciding whether to remarry.

Well, I do not know much about the Jehovah's Witnesses and I have not ventured into the threads pertaining to them. I have my faith and I am not here to condemn someone else's. I would like to say, of topic, that I used to have a couple of women from the Johovah's Witnesses that came to house probably once a month and each time I invited them into have a seat and a glass of water. They were very aware that I was Catholic and were always respectful of me and my home. They would come in, quote a couple of verses, talk to me about the world as it is today and then be on their way. I actually missed when they stopped coming. I, personally, have great respect for anyone willing to knock on a door in today's world and even mention their faith. One Christmas they had to step over a wad of electrical cords and I had to laugh and apologize. I said, "boy, you were taking your life into your hands knocking at my door today". The older woman said, "Honey, we do that every day". We all got a chuckle. But oh, how true. Again, I commend you for your conviction.