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I've heard professional counselors say that the addicts are addicted to the drugs and the family is addicted to the addicts.
I'd suggest you and your daughter look up a local chapter of Al-anon or Narcotics Anonymous and they can get you the help you need. They should also be able to give you great advice for your grandson.
Lily, please take alpha's advice, please. These two organizations are so good with getting help for you. Before you can help your son, you have to help yourself. These could very well be an answer to some of your prayers. "Seek and ye shall find".
Lily, please take alpha's advice, please. These two organizations are so good with getting help for you. Before you can help your son, you have to help yourself. These could very well be an answer to some of your prayers. "Seek and ye shall find".
I agree because I was also thinking that while I certainly do encourage you to hang in there with him for the long haul if necessary, it is important that you not take on the burden too much emotionally on yourself. And this is a tough line to draw when you really love someone and see them hurting and struggling. Sounds like you've got a pretty good handle on this though, Lilybellle, from what you said in your OP. But I would just re-affirm to you that you can pray,and help and encourage but you can't make the decisions and do the work for him. (Don't you wish we could sometimes?) It's at this point we have to release the burden in faith to God. (And again, I know that's easier said than done sometimes.) But nevertheless, it's true.
Has anyone ever been addicted to heroin and been delivered by the power of God? Please, if you feel you can share this, I would greatly appreciate how you were able to break the cravings. I know it is possible, but I was wondering what made you finally turn to the Lord and what exactly happened to turn your life around. I know this may be very difficult to share, but I have a loved one who is addicted and even though he is trying, by going to church, etc., he keeps struggling. Thank you so much.
Lilybell,
I went to AA where I found a power greater than myself. After many years I found that Higher Power to be Jesus Christ. It was through AA that I was able to return to the faith of my Father.
Spiritwalker
I know what you are going through. Although my son was not addicted to heroin, he was getting deeper and deeper into many of the things that lead to harder drugs and was on the fast track. After his 2nd dui, and a year of standing by and watching him destroy his life, day by day, I thought my heart could not break anymore as he was surely slowly killing himself and killing any hope he had at all for a future.
He came around enough to move into a tiny house trailer we had bought him to move into after high school graduation, knowing kids did need some space, but the trailer was located close enough that we would be helping him out as well. Anyway, after about 7 months, he did move into it, was doing better, trying to live a cleaner life and had found a girlfriend. He even called me to ask what people who didn't do drugs did for fun on weekends. His girlfriend is clean, does not even drink and is as smart as he is and i think the anchor that has kept him sane. Shortly after that conversation, a couple weeks I guess is when he was arrested with some of these low life leeches and got a dui and resisting arrest. That was Saturday before Easter. Oh, I could not even cry.
I made the decision to NOT go bail him out that Sunday, I went on to church as I had planned, it was EASTER and I was hurt and angry at the same time, needing to deal with my own pain and betrayal before I could even hope to help him.
Lily, I left that child in jail for the week, and felt Gods presense on me telling me that He was in charge this time. I felt the power so strongly that my feelings changed from deep despair to ones of hope. After talking with the judge, and telling him what was going on, hey this is a small area and the judge knows all our family, but we didn't ask for leniency as most do, we asked for harsh penalities which surprised him. Hey, this is our son's life we are talking about here we said. We found out about this program on the coast, again God was all over this, and talked with the judge about it, and he said although he could not make it mandatory for him to go, something about minor infractions and such, he would strongly recommend it and let my son know what he would be up against on his 3rd dui. by this time, my son was very agreeable to the rehab and has been in there almost the whole three months. He graduates on July 20 and I am so very proud of him. He has come a long way, but his toughest time will be as you said, getting out and mixing in with life will he continue this new good way or revert back to his old way of life? Only God knows and we continue to put it at HIs feet.I've pm'd you and given you some inoformation. will look forward to hearing from you. And lily, remember, God does know all what we go through and when we give it to Him, He will work to help us. aiangel
I am marvelling at the timing of what you have posted...A very old friend of mine just phoned with a similiar question. She is a NUN whose nephew is an addict and has been living on the streets of NYC. Yes, she is praying for him, but I am going to respond to your post saying virtually the exact same thing I just told her....
I think you are in an incredibly COMPLEX situation. I say that not as someone who has ever been addicted, but as someone who has worked with those who are addicted. For the individual struggling with substance abuse, that addiction is "larger than life" in as much as it is all consuming. I suspect you already know that. If you have not already done so, I would recommend that you and the other family members get together and find someone in your area who will help you coordinate and do an intervention on your grandson. You can phone a hospital in your area to ask who is clinically qualified to do interventions, or Al-Anon members would also be a good resource. Either way, I would be closely connected to other Al-Anon members if I were you; they can provide a wealth of information and support.
...Just to put some of what you wrote in a perspective, (in the hopes that some little thing I say may help..) you said: "The problem was he didn't stay connected to his Christian brothers and stopped coming to Church." While I am absolutely respectful of that, my immediate thought was that he needed to stay connected to his brothers and sisters in AA and/or Narcotics Anonymous. While I reiterate the fact that I am respectful of your taking him to church in the hopes that doing so will advance him on the road to recovery, it seems to me that given the all consuming physical and psychological nature of substance abuse, that church alone isn't necessarily going to do it...I am NOT saying don't do that, I am simply saying that your grandson needs more immediate help, hence, an intervention. That was the exact same advise I gave to my friend, and believe me, as a nun, she has a "pipeline to god" in that respect...but she also realizes that the power of her nephew's illness is all consuming...
I have worked in a prison with a substance abuse population, as well as in out patient psychiatric settings. Your grandson needs to find a way to get into (ideally) long term treatment, or "hit bottom." There are a number of problems along the way to those ends, however. Different people have different bottoms, some individuals seemingly have no bottom. It's the "nature of the beast" with addiction. Being in a treatment center would be ideal, as there are more options available. He needs to be very firmly connected to others who are "in the same boat" as he is.
There are a number of medications that have been highly effective in treating substance abusers. The medications, (when taken regularly) go a long way towards cutting the craving/desire for the drug. This would also be another step to take. Because there is such a strong biological nature to addiction, it is extremely, EXTREMELY difficult for addicts to stay clean, as they are literally powerless in terms of fighting those cravings. (Especially in the early days, weeks, months, even years of sobriety.) As well, they need to be educated around such issues as coping skills, frustration tolerance, how to manage money, etc., etc,.
I know it's overwhelming...Trust me, I have heard from addicts just how difficult and complex an illness it is.........As you wrote: "What advice can you give me because me heart is broken in a thousand pieces right now..." --Use each broken piece to advocate for your grandson in those areas that hold the most promise of hope: an intervention, Al-Anon, substance abuse counsellors in your area, social workers, etc.
I hold hope in my heart for you and your grandson, sending thoughts of hope and strength across the miles...
If you're waiting on prayers alone to help someone it's just not going to happen. I'm sorry God does not answer prayers. In order for someone to free their addiction they have to want to quit first. Without that, they will continue to use. That's why some people do well in rehab and others don't. "Finding God" is just another form of rehab but what is actually helping someone is their will to quit associated with their rehabilitation. Clinically, God does a lot of things for a person's mind. Think about the meaning of God and what people believe. They think that he will never turn his back on them no matter what they have done wrong. Well, that's a very comforting thought to someone who has ultimately struggled and probably (in their mind) turned all of their loved ones away from them. That's what religion does for a person. That's also what rehab does for someone. It allows the user a place to go where other members believe and help the person to quit. It's not God answering prayers it's the person you are praying for answering yours.
Alot of young people get a romanticized view of what drugs are like after watching movies and listening to their friends. What they really need is some good information. Kids aren't stupid. If parents tell them that marijuana is just as bad as meth those parents are going to lose all credibility because every kid in the country knows that's just not true. There's a few drugs that are really dangerous and will destroy their lives and they need to be aware of that danger. Heroin and meth are good examples. After a few years of meth use your teeth will start to rot right out of your mouth and you'll look like you've aged 30 years. Before and after photos of meth users might shake them up a little bit. There's no young person that wants to look like one of the "after" photos. It's all about providing reliable and believeable information that's really going to sink in.
Thank you for such sound advice. I will certainly take those steps with my grandson. I am an avid reader, so thanks again for this information. I will order those books. Everything you said makes sense. I did attend an AA meeting, but I think Narcotics Anonomous might be better for me. I pray and ask the Lord for wisdom, so if these are the answers he is providing through you, I will do it.
Thank you for your concern and your prayers. God Bless You!
Your expertise in this matter was very eye opening to me. Thank you so much for all the information you gave me. I do agree with what you said. It is such a complex problem, and my grandson needs professional help. I know along with that, God is able to soften his heart and make him willing to accept the help that is offered to him. I believe it is a spiritual problem, along with a physical and mental one.
I called my daughter and told her about everyone's response to this thread and it encouraged her so much. I think part of the problem is the rest of the family doesn't want anything to do with him, so it's difficult to have an intervention with just two people. Believe me, we've tried.
I will continue to pray for him and also try to lead him in the right direction, as far as attending Narcotics Anonomous. June, I really appreciate your wisdom and knowledge concerning this drug addiction. You helped me immensely. I will pass all of this on to my grandson and hopefully he will get tired of his lifestyle and take the help that is offered to him.
Thank you again, June for taking the time to share all of this with me. I'm sure you have helped others as well. Please tell your friend I will be praying for her nephew also.
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Ahhhh....dear lilybell....
