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If we feel like the victim or hurt someone else, as an unskillful act. We must see the actor and the act are not the same thing. Most of the time the anger and resentment we hold is directed toward the actor, in our minds we don't separate the abuse from the abuser. This is what we must do, though. Confusion comes and goes. An action from a confused and suffering being in the past doesn't represent who that being is forever. It is only of an expression of that beings suffering. If we cling to resentment and past hurts, we increase our own suffering. We make our own lives more difficult than they need be. It's O.K. to forgive and let go of the past
and forgive but we don't have to let them back into our lives. Forgiveness is the key.
If we feel like the victim or hurt someone else, as an unskillful act. We must see the actor and the act are not the same thing. Most of the time the anger and resentment we hold is directed toward the actor, in our minds we don't separate the abuse from the abuser. This is what we must do, though. Confusion comes and goes. An action from a confused and suffering being in the past doesn't represent who that being is forever. It is only of an expression of that beings suffering. If we cling to resentment and past hurts, we increase our own suffering. We make our own lives more difficult than they need be. It's O.K. to forgive and let go of the past
and forgive but we don't have to let them back into our lives. Forgiveness is the key.
I may be setting myself up for a bunch of ridicule, but whenever this topic is raised, I think of two quotes I like. The first one (which admittedly is kind of trite) is something I heard when I was just in high school (a hundred or so years ago). It is:
"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
The other one, which I first heard more recently, is a lot more pragmatic. It is:
"Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
I may be setting myself up for a bunch of ridicule, but whenever this topic is raised, I think of two quotes I like. The first one (which admittedly is kind of trite) is something I heard when I was just in high school (a hundred or so years ago). It is:
"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
The other one, which I first heard more recently, is a lot more pragmatic. It is:
"Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
I think most of us are inclined to think that, but really- revenge does NOT feel better. If we are honest with ourselves, and are completely true to the way our body feels when we do certain things, it is undeniable that revenge feels BAD. There's a certain satisfaction, sure- but in the end, it's not healthy- neither physically nor emotionally. The best revenge one can have is the self-satisfaction of living well and leaving behind you the trail of whatever ills anyone tried to commit upon you. The operative word being TRIED, as in "did not succeed". And if you exact revenge on someone- well, you're acknowledging them as important in your life, and that they are worthy or your precious energy. And they aren't.
And anyone of you that knows me here knows I do NOT like to quote the bible, but I gotta say this: when jesus said "turn the other cheek" what he meant was ignore the ugliness- you are STRONGER for doing so. For if you allow yourself to stoop to whatever level of ugliness and negativity that the ill-doer had upon you- irregardless of the degree- YOU yourself will be just as ugly, and feel just as ****ty. Of course I don't think jesus meant that if you're in something like a bar fight and someone punches you that you shouldn't fight back...that's not revenge or ugliness, that's self defense!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Katzpur
I may be setting myself up for a bunch of ridicule, but whenever this topic is raised, I think of two quotes I like. The first one (which admittedly is kind of trite) is something I heard when I was just in high school (a hundred or so years ago). It is:
"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
The other one, which I first heard more recently, is a lot more pragmatic. It is:
"Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
I don't think either of them are trite at all- quite profound, really. I especially liked the first one which I've never heard until now- thank you! And on that note, I want to also share one of my very favorite quotes:
"Hatred is like an acid. It eats away the vessel in which it is stored far more than it could ever eat away the object on which it may be poured."
And I've learned it to be SO true; many people think "forgiveness" is a weakness, or that if you forgive you're being weak. Quite the contrary! When you forgive- seriously and honestly, forgive- you relieve yourself of a big burden, and are actually giving said burden back, or back to whomever it is you are forgiving. THEY have to live with what they did. But you- if you forgive- are strong, and free. And freedom from harboring negativity of any kind is worth its weight in gold thousand fold...
I may be setting myself up for a bunch of ridicule, but whenever this topic is raised, I think of two quotes I like. The first one (which admittedly is kind of trite) is something I heard when I was just in high school (a hundred or so years ago). It is:
"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."
The other one, which I first heard more recently, is a lot more pragmatic. It is:
"Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die."
Trite? The first one is one of my favorite quotes! I used it 10 years ago when I had to do a presentation for a nursing class. This is how I remember it: "Forgiveness is the fragrance of the flower on the heel that has crushed it."
Also, true forgiveness is also forgiving the self for the reaction to the act that was put upon us. If only one side is forgiven, true forgiveness cannot take place until all those involved have forgiven. The self is most important.
For example, if someone stole your car and you acted out in anger towards that person, you forgive yourself first for the anger and then it's easier to forgive the other for stealing the car. If you still hold anger then forgiveness would not take place because you still hold the "seed" of the negativity.
Another great thread on forgiveness. it underscores the fact that forgiveness can only come from strength, not from weakness. there are no conditions because it comes from fullness, not need. the forgives does not need anything from the other person. he is free.
Another great thread on forgiveness. it underscores the fact that forgiveness can only come from strength, not from weakness. there are no conditions because it comes from fullness, not need. the forgives does not need anything from the other person. he is free.
yup ...
How do we treat people that can't cut our throat.
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