Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Religion and Spirituality
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 07-24-2007, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,672 posts, read 22,238,640 times
Reputation: 21369

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by jeffncandace View Post
I went to a very, very small school. By my senior year, I WAS the graduating class. I didn't get to participate in sports, or in many activities that the public school had that we didn't. I never experienced simple things like different teachers, and changing classes, and having a locker.

I was not allowed to have non-Christian friends, so as a result, I had very few. Because of my outsized personality , I guess I did have quite a few, considering--but everything was withing a very close, constricting bubble. Christian music only, Christian friends, church 3 plus times a week, Christian school...

I missed out on a normal, high school life. I'm over it now, but for many years, I yearned for it, and felt very sad that I was denied it.

One thing that I was given is an excellent education. My mom taught us alot, and is a smart woman, and when she didn't, they made sure to get the best. The curriculum was very advanced and I always tested extremely high on the state exams each year.

They were nothing if not sincere, and I have no anger about it now. But as a result my kids will not be subjected to the alienation I felt.
Well, ok, that's fair enough. I can see how you might feel that way. However, I still hold to my opinion that public schools may not be the best option if you want your child to align with Christian values. Our son, Aaron, was a very strong personality, a leader, etc. yet still we had some issues with him being negatively affected by kids whose homes did not share our values. This was at about age 13. Eventually, as a result, we did have to set the guideline that he could "hang" with whoever he wanted to at school, but he was not allowed to go to kids' houses overnight or have them overnight at ours unless they were Christian. I know I'll probably get flamed for saying that, but those were the guidelines we felt we needed to set (borne out of some negative experience) and we did set them. And it turned things around immensely.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-24-2007, 03:18 PM
 
Location: Metro Detroit, MI
3,490 posts, read 3,187,491 times
Reputation: 466
Quote:
Originally Posted by kaykay View Post
Well, ok, that's fair enough. I can see how you might feel that way. However, I still hold to my opinion that public schools may not be the best option if you want your child to align with Christian values. Our son, Aaron, was a very strong personality, a leader, etc. yet still we had some issues with him being negatively affected by kids whose homes did not share our values. Eventually, as a result, we did have to set the guideline that he could "hang" with whoever he wanted to at school, but he was not allowed to go to kids' houses overnight or have them overnight at ours unless they were Christian. I know I'll probably get flamed for saying that, but those were the guidelines we felt we needed to set (borne out of some negative experience) and we did set them. And it turned things around immensely.
No flaming from me. I think you struck a pretty good balance, actually!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-24-2007, 03:21 PM
 
Location: Metro Detroit, MI
3,490 posts, read 3,187,491 times
Reputation: 466
Quote:
Originally Posted by aiangel_writer View Post
As you all know, my son has been in rehab for the past three months. Many of you know the story I've shared and will not want to read all this, but here is my take on things...

I am Christian, my son was raised in church, baptized at age 14. He is a very intelligent young man, always has been, mature in many respects yet immature in others.

There is a huge drug and alcohol problem in our school system at the moment. Most of the kids in the 11 and 12th grade were involved, including athletes and smart kids. There were many functions I would not let my son attend simply because I knew there would be drinking and drugs at them. He became really angry with me for this and saying that I was basically segregating him from his friends.

He had had a problem with his weight all through school, had no self confidence and few friends. When a couple of the 'hip' crowd took a liking to him, he started to hang around with them. The more he did, the worse he got at home. His 11 and 12th years were horrible for all of us. He got into drugs, into drinking and even ran away from home the summer before his 12th grade year. He would yell in his father's face, and bless him, my husband would put his hands in his pockets, my dh endured a heck of a lot with this child and was hurt very badly by his actions. We were always open with our son, talking with him and him talking with us until these last two years of school. He went totally wild, his grades went down and we were afraid he would not graduate, then the second semester, things got better or so we thought, and his grades went up. He got two scholorships to college and was happier.

Then, he totally turned again, moved out, how could we stop him, he was 18 almost 19. He moved in with drunks, had a job, but never any money to eat on, and we hardly saw him. He said we abandoned him, and always wanted someone to feel sorry for him. After living this life for 9 months, and after getting a dui, he moved into the house trailer that we had bought for him before he graduated. He seemed to calm down, found a decent girlfriend and was not into all the other things. Until the so called friends started coming back around, shortly after they started, he got his 2nd dui the day before easter, and I left him in jail for 4 days. You guys do not know how hard that was for me, and he was not in good shape when I went and got him out. DH had talked with the judge and we found Home of Grace a christian rehab, the only drawback was that it was voluntary and he could leave at any time. Now, I have to tell you that I had started prayer warriors for him around six months before this second arrest.

When this all unfolded, God showed me this was His work, and I was less upset and frightened. The usual waiting time for HOme of Grace is 6 weeks, we got in in less than a week. He stayed the whole three months and just graduated Friday. He has changed in so many ways, and I am so thankful. He rediscovered God and has a new outlook on life.

My only fear at this point is that the so called friends might sway him back into the old lifestyle, and he knows this as well, has had counceling for this, and I just leave this in God's hands and take each day as it comes.
You've done your part. Just keep loving him and thanking God everyday for His grace and mercy at work in your life, and your son's.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-24-2007, 03:25 PM
 
Location: Texas
8,672 posts, read 22,238,640 times
Reputation: 21369
Quote:
Originally Posted by aiangel_writer View Post
As you all know, my son has been in rehab for the past three months. Many of you know the story I've shared and will not want to read all this, but here is my take on things...

I am Christian, my son was raised in church, baptized at age 14. He is a very intelligent young man, always has been, mature in many respects yet immature in others.

There is a huge drug and alcohol problem in our school system at the moment. Most of the kids in the 11 and 12th grade were involved, including athletes and smart kids. There were many functions I would not let my son attend simply because I knew there would be drinking and drugs at them. He became really angry with me for this and saying that I was basically segregating him from his friends.

He had had a problem with his weight all through school, had no self confidence and few friends. When a couple of the 'hip' crowd took a liking to him, he started to hang around with them. The more he did, the worse he got at home. His 11 and 12th years were horrible for all of us. He got into drugs, into drinking and even ran away from home the summer before his 12th grade year. He would yell in his father's face, and bless him, my husband would put his hands in his pockets, my dh endured a heck of a lot with this child and was hurt very badly by his actions. We were always open with our son, talking with him and him talking with us until these last two years of school. He went totally wild, his grades went down and we were afraid he would not graduate, then the second semester, things got better or so we thought, and his grades went up. He got two scholorships to college and was happier.

Then, he totally turned again, moved out, how could we stop him, he was 18 almost 19. He moved in with drunks, had a job, but never any money to eat on, and we hardly saw him. He said we abandoned him, and always wanted someone to feel sorry for him. After living this life for 9 months, and after getting a dui, he moved into the house trailer that we had bought for him before he graduated. He seemed to calm down, found a decent girlfriend and was not into all the other things. Until the so called friends started coming back around, shortly after they started, he got his 2nd dui the day before easter, and I left him in jail for 4 days. You guys do not know how hard that was for me, and he was not in good shape when I went and got him out. DH had talked with the judge and we found Home of Grace a christian rehab, the only drawback was that it was voluntary and he could leave at any time. Now, I have to tell you that I had started prayer warriors for him around six months before this second arrest.

When this all unfolded, God showed me this was His work, and I was less upset and frightened. The usual waiting time for HOme of Grace is 6 weeks, we got in in less than a week. He stayed the whole three months and just graduated Friday. He has changed in so many ways, and I am so thankful. He rediscovered God and has a new outlook on life.

My only fear at this point is that the so called friends might sway him back into the old lifestyle, and he knows this as well, has had counceling for this, and I just leave this in God's hands and take each day as it comes.
We will be praying for you aiangel, that this is indeed a NEW DAY for your son.
It is soo heartbreaking as parents to see our children make wrong choices.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-24-2007, 03:30 PM
 
1,439 posts, read 3,877,292 times
Reputation: 1000
Wow, I had to walk away for awhile (we are moving on Saturday) and your responses are all great! Thanks for providing different viewpoints. This parenting this can be so hard sometimes, rewarding but hard!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-24-2007, 03:40 PM
 
Location: Grand Rapids Metro
8,882 posts, read 19,809,568 times
Reputation: 3920
Quote:
Originally Posted by aiangel_writer View Post
As you all know, my son has been in rehab for the past three months. Many of you know the story I've shared and will not want to read all this, but here is my take on things...

I am Christian, my son was raised in church, baptized at age 14. He is a very intelligent young man, always has been, mature in many respects yet immature in others.

There is a huge drug and alcohol problem in our school system at the moment. Most of the kids in the 11 and 12th grade were involved, including athletes and smart kids. There were many functions I would not let my son attend simply because I knew there would be drinking and drugs at them. He became really angry with me for this and saying that I was basically segregating him from his friends.

He had had a problem with his weight all through school, had no self confidence and few friends. When a couple of the 'hip' crowd took a liking to him, he started to hang around with them. The more he did, the worse he got at home. His 11 and 12th years were horrible for all of us. He got into drugs, into drinking and even ran away from home the summer before his 12th grade year. He would yell in his father's face, and bless him, my husband would put his hands in his pockets, my dh endured a heck of a lot with this child and was hurt very badly by his actions. We were always open with our son, talking with him and him talking with us until these last two years of school. He went totally wild, his grades went down and we were afraid he would not graduate, then the second semester, things got better or so we thought, and his grades went up. He got two scholorships to college and was happier.

Then, he totally turned again, moved out, how could we stop him, he was 18 almost 19. He moved in with drunks, had a job, but never any money to eat on, and we hardly saw him. He said we abandoned him, and always wanted someone to feel sorry for him. After living this life for 9 months, and after getting a dui, he moved into the house trailer that we had bought for him before he graduated. He seemed to calm down, found a decent girlfriend and was not into all the other things. Until the so called friends started coming back around, shortly after they started, he got his 2nd dui the day before easter, and I left him in jail for 4 days. You guys do not know how hard that was for me, and he was not in good shape when I went and got him out. DH had talked with the judge and we found Home of Grace a christian rehab, the only drawback was that it was voluntary and he could leave at any time. Now, I have to tell you that I had started prayer warriors for him around six months before this second arrest.

When this all unfolded, God showed me this was His work, and I was less upset and frightened. The usual waiting time for HOme of Grace is 6 weeks, we got in in less than a week. He stayed the whole three months and just graduated Friday. He has changed in so many ways, and I am so thankful. He rediscovered God and has a new outlook on life.

My only fear at this point is that the so called friends might sway him back into the old lifestyle, and he knows this as well, has had counceling for this, and I just leave this in God's hands and take each day as it comes.
Wow, that was like reading my biography (seriously) written by my Mother. I was a bit "awkward" as a teenager, and was not good in sports, but I was taken in by the "cool kids" because of my sense of humor. The guys liked it because I had four sisters and was not intimidated by girls, and my sense of humor broke the ice with the "girl swarms". I wouldn't even have to pay for drinks or drugs, people were always buying me drinks and passing the pipe. It also didn't help that I was brought up in a strict Catholic home, mostly my Mother, so any chance to rebel against the oppression I felt was right up my alley.

Started at about age 16, and continued until I was out of college at about 23 or 24 (I did trip and fall through college graduation). I had way too many bad experiences and close calls to share on this forum. To this day, I'm still a bit rebellious, very opinionated, and too smart for my own good, but I have a great family, a great wife, and three great kids. I also have a very healthy relationship with my parents again.

I don't know where I'm going with this, but hopefully to let you know that there is hope that your son will turn out OK. I'm guessing he's VERY smart, and just hasn't found his place in this world yet. If you have any questions, I've been there and done that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-24-2007, 03:42 PM
 
7,991 posts, read 12,242,800 times
Reputation: 4348
Default "You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth..."

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom
said, "Speak to us of Children."

And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so he loves
also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran
1883 - 1931
Lebanese poet, artist, and philosopher
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-24-2007, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Metro Detroit, MI
3,490 posts, read 3,187,491 times
Reputation: 466
Quote:
Originally Posted by magellan View Post
To this day, I'm still a bit rebellious, very opinionated, and too smart for my own good, but I have a great family, a great wife, and three great kids. I also have a very healthy relationship with my parents again..
Thanks for sharing man, seriously. I feel this part describes me too!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-24-2007, 03:45 PM
 
Location: Metro Detroit, MI
3,490 posts, read 3,187,491 times
Reputation: 466
Quote:
Originally Posted by june 7th View Post
And a woman who held a babe against her bosom
said, "Speak to us of Children."

And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so he loves
also the bow that is stable.

Kahlil Gibran
1883 - 1931
Lebanese poet, artist, and philosopher
Absolutely beautiful, IMO.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-24-2007, 03:52 PM
 
7,991 posts, read 12,242,800 times
Reputation: 4348
Default Life's longing for itself...

For those who hate poetry, I apologize in advance for the Kahlil Gibran post.

HOWEVER, I remembered it earlier today in reading one of Aingel's posts...

What I love about what Gibran says is that there is so much hidden truth in it. Our children are "not" our children in the sense that they are their own "persons," their own "selves" that we need to nourish, support, love, and eventually let go...Because they DO grow up. I think we need to honor and respect the fact that they may come from us, but ultimately, they are their own person. Someone once said to me: "The best we can do is give our kids solid roots and wings" in order that they may be self-secure enough to eventually separate from us, and go out into the world, because:

"They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself."

--And that one line, (for me) is far more powerful and beautiful than anything I could hope to say...

Take gentle care,
June
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Religion and Spirituality
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:05 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top