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Sounds like you family will put on a full court press to "bring you back into the fold" of believing all the bunko you finally realized was just that.
The will likely not accept nor even be able to comprehend the fact you no longer buy into the nonsense of the bible, and will be very defensive (as you were in several of our shall we say 'debates')
Make religion off limits as far as discussions. Simply state my beliefs are personal, and as such I will not discuss them because they are just that, personal. Then change the subject.
And if anything if you have to lie to anyone, the only person you should never consider lying to is yourself. If you lie to yourself and cave to their pressure, you will be miserable and hate yourself.
I only have one member of my family that has attempted to preach to me...I simply told her that the topics of politics or religion were topics that I would not discuss, because they usually lead to disagreements and confrontations, and I would prefer to keep our conversation pleasant.
I've tested the waters by telling 3 friends and it's not going so well. Two of them were talking about God to me today, like they hadn't heard a damn word that I said. Do they think if they talk about it it's going to change my mind or something? I just go "uh-huh" when they talk about how God answers prayers or being more thankful for things or whatever, rather than start up another very difficult conversation about how I don't believe what they believe any longer.
This tells me I'm going to have even less luck with my family......the religion thing is so ingrained on both sides that there's no one I can talk to rationally about this without them thinking I've become a devil worshiper or something heinous like that. I really am alone on this thing except for C-D so what do I say? Do I say ANYTHING? Or just keep nodding and saying "uh-huh"? That doesn't seem right either.
Am I being a coward if I never tell my family? Guess they'll find out when I'm not in heaven with the rest of them huh.
How did you guys handle it? How long did it take? I've even considered going back to religion simply because it's all I've ever known. No one is hearing me anyway so what's the point? Aren't there a lot of agnostics who go along with the program simply to deflect controversy and problems? Ahhhhhh!!! This is so hard!!!
Well, Ilene, my sister kept her agnosticism a secret from her family for close to 20 years. When she finally told me (I was the first), it was in pretty tactless way ("I think God's probably a crock," were her exact words.) It was hard on me and my parents, but we didn't love her any less for it. A couple of years ago, after about 30 years as an agnostic, she is once again a believer in God, but is totally non-religious. I guess every family is different, and every one will respond differently. It doesn't need to affect the way you feel about each other. Good luck.
Ask yourself why you WANT to broach the subject, Ilene . . . and be brutally honest with yourself about the reasons. You have a lot of cumulative frustration built up over the years being victimized by those beliefs. Be sure you aren't just emotionally wanting to vent or get back at them all. Those kinds of reasons never produce anything good. Just saying.
Be well,
Mystic
I've tested the waters by telling 3 friends and it's not going so well. Two of them were talking about God to me today, like they hadn't heard a damn word that I said. Do they think if they talk about it it's going to change my mind or something? I just go "uh-huh" when they talk about how God answers prayers or being more thankful for things or whatever, rather than start up another very difficult conversation about how I don't believe what they believe any longer.
This tells me I'm going to have even less luck with my family......the religion thing is so ingrained on both sides that there's no one I can talk to rationally about this without them thinking I've become a devil worshiper or something heinous like that. I really am alone on this thing except for C-D so what do I say? Do I say ANYTHING? Or just keep nodding and saying "uh-huh"? That doesn't seem right either.
Am I being a coward if I never tell my family? Guess they'll find out when I'm not in heaven with the rest of them huh.
How did you guys handle it? How long did it take? I've even considered going back to religion simply because it's all I've ever known. No one is hearing me anyway so what's the point? Aren't there a lot of agnostics who go along with the program simply to deflect controversy and problems? Ahhhhhh!!! This is so hard!!!
Well Ilene, I know how you feel. It can be hard to say things to certain people, particularly regarding religion.
For me, there are certain family members that I have no problem being open about my skepticism, even engaging in what I percieve to be the fallacies that are religion. There are others though, that I wouldn'tbe "quite" as open with about it, especially considering that I have a southern baptist evangelist in my family. Very findamental like. There was a point where I would go ahead and tell a lie and say that I believed just to keep things tranquil. Now though, I think I am at a stage that, if sked, I would be honest about my disbeleif. Not in an aggressive way, and if the conversation turned aggressive, it would be over. But simply just being honest about how I feel, and if asked, the reasons why I have drawn my conclusions.
In another sense, I am one that just goes along to get along. When my fundie relatives are in town, I close my eyes and bow my head at the dinner table as they say their prayer, I just nod my head when they say "praise God" for this or that. etc etc
It's all lup to you really. I would recommend that you be honest with yourself though. As far as going back to religion? Not only should you not, but the simple fact is, that you cannot. It will never be the same because you will always know what you percieve to be the truth regarding it. No, you can never go back. Sure, you can go through the motions of praying and going to church, yada yada.... but you will always have the voice of your current convictions in the recesses of your mind.
In the meantime, you always have City-Data R&P! Where you can be open about your opinions without the consequences of face to face confrontation. I suspect that many many people who post on religious boards are in your exact situation, that's why they are so active.
I've tested the waters by telling 3 friends and it's not going so well. Two of them were talking about God to me today, like they hadn't heard a damn word that I said. Do they think if they talk about it it's going to change my mind or something?
BTW, I suggest you don't to start off by telling people "I'm an agnostic/atheist" or "I don't know whether there's a God." Most people won't react well to that. Instead, I think you need to work your way up to your position.
For example, you might say things like:
- I have a rational and evidence-based approach to understanding life and the universe.
- I believe there are natural explanations for why we are here, why the earth exists or even why the universe exists.
- The ideals of beauty, goodness, truth and morality are very important to me. I believe these qualities potentially reside within each of us, and are what truly make us human.
- I think that consciousness and intelligence evolved in humans over millions of years. Other animals share these qualities with us. We are fortunate to be the most intelligent of all animals.
- What most people call "God" I like to think of as nature or natural laws. Many philosophers and scientists seem to have thought this as well. And this is what I understand.
^^
Anyway, use these kinds of examples as they apply to what you believe. Once you provide this context, then it should hopefully become easier to explain why you don't believe in a supernatural God or angels, talking snakes, miracles, afterlife, heaven, hell, and all those kinds of unprovable things.
....the only person you should never consider lying to is yourself. If you lie to yourself and cave to their pressure, you will be miserable and hate yourself.
I can understand your feeling (Ilene) that here is the only place you can really talk. Even here in the relatively godless UK this is the only place where people even seem want to talk with me about the subject.
So I'd like you to refer back to us as this 'coming out' is tricky for a lot of people.
You might find it easier to 'go back to religion' or go along with it, at any rate, though I think that, once you have doubts, you can't dismiss them.
If it were not the case for others giving you god- talk it might not be a problem, but Mystic has a point, in a way, that, once one's head is full of these questions, you do want to explain your position to others who take the questions as answered fact.
I'd doubt whether coming out in an absolutely uncompromising way would be the best move, and the suggestion of testing the water with the most sympathetic ear might be a good one, and I wondered whether easy stages might help - just saying that you wondered whether other people's takes on god might not be worth consideration. I don't forget that you still do believe in God (sorta) and are not an unbelieving atheist, last I heard.
If you can still say that you believe in God, and let them draw their own conclusions, that may turn away the worst of the upset.
there's no one I can talk to rationally about this without them thinking I've become a devil worshiper or something heinous like that.
June wouldn't say anything. June knows given most of the responses here thus far that June's opinion might not be the most well accepted, but her stance is to say nothing.
Your religious beliefs (or lack, thereof) are yours, and for personal reasons. You are not obligated to share them with anyone should you choose not to, for whatever reason(s). June understands, however, that with family members it can be a bit different. From what June understands, you come from a very (shall we say) "conservative" Christian family. June is not sure that there is anything to gain from telling them about your agnosticism/atheism other than more stress and strife for you in your own life. Are you prepared for that? No one likes hearing that they are going to burn in hell, (especially by family members) and to be told that adamantly. June is NOT saying that you should be dishonest with yourself; you know what your own beliefs are. June is just saying that you are under no obligation to disclose said lack of beliefs with family members. In a sense it is none of their business, and you are free to not make it theirs unless you feel there is a pressing need to. If you are comfortable with your agnosticism/atheism then perhaps there is no need to tell them, or more to the point, what would be the purpose in telling them.
What happens as a result of the above is that it places you in the very uncomfortable position of "having to go along with" them. June doesn't believe in lying (at all!) unless doing so will hurt the other person. Ask yourself to what extent "outing" yourself will hurt your family members. As well, keep in mind that despite your own lack of beliefs that you should still honor and respect their beliefs. Your agnosticism/atheism does not cancel out what they believe, so you need to afford them the same degree of respect that you desired back when you were a believer and the respect you would wish to have now if that was possible from them. June guesses what she is saying here is that when in a no-win situation, take the path of least resistance. Your keeping your personal beliefs to yourself is not a "sin" (in the atheist sense) and it hurts no one. --If you are firm and comfortable in your current mindset/lack of beliefs then you should be able to "weather the storm" with your family and their beliefs.
Lastly, ask yourself how you would have reacted a few months back when you were a fundamentalist Christian to the news that a family member had become an agnostic/atheist. It no doubt would have caused you strife and anger. Unless you are fully prepared to take on the added emotional strife from those who are supposedly closest to you June would advise keeping private what deserves to be private for the time being. She realizes that this is not the most popular of opinions in this thread, but she feels strongly that you are under no obligation to disclose, and that you need to take into account where your family is coming from in as much as you afford them the same degree of respect that you desired when you were a fundamentalist Christian. (June realizes that she is turning the tables here by putting the emphasis on them, as opposed to you.) --But she feels it bears saying again that your agnosticism/atheism does not cancel out their fundamentalist beliefs. --As well as their reactions. Ask yourself what you are prepared to take on and why. June is not saying that you should be dishonest with yourself about your agnosticism/atheism. She's talking more about what is to be gained in the end...
Whatever you decide June wishes you the best...It can and is a difficult dilemma for you. June hears that. Also please know that June may be waaaaayyy out in left field on this one! ("Yes June, you are!" they all concur.)
Take gentle care.
Last edited by june 7th; 03-03-2012 at 08:46 AM..
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I've tested the waters by telling 3 friends and it's not going so well. Two of them were talking about God to me today, like they hadn't heard a damn word that I said. Do they think if they talk about it it's going to change my mind or something? I just go "uh-huh" when they talk about how God answers prayers or being more thankful for things or whatever, rather than start up another very difficult conversation about how I don't believe what they believe any longer.
Tread carefully
Where you can be open about your opinions without the consequences of face to face confrontation. I suspect that many many people who post on religious boards are in your exact situation, that's why they are so active.
