Marriage, relationships, religion and philosophy

[SuperSoul]

Originally Posted by gabfest

And you are. Of course you're not the only one in this type of situation, that may or may not make you feel much better.

I figure, we're all better off together, than torn apart through divorce.
Society in general, is better when parents stay together (besides exceptions like affairs, abuse, addictions).
When the kids get older, it'll be a different story.

[notyouraveragebear]

Originally Posted by mzjamiedawn

I'm a better person now that I'm not a fundamentalist, nor align myself with organized religion.

This sounds like the best of both worlds. Not having the stress of following a religion's dogma, but still believing in a higher power who can take favor in you and perhaps look out for you.

[pamelaBeurman]

Originally Posted by Pastelito de limon

I agree that respect is a key part of making it work. I'm atheist and hubby is Christian, but we agree to disagree and focus on our similarities, not our differences. It helps that he is not uber-religious. Doesn't badger or pressure me. We don't try to change one another...he believes what he believes, I believe what I believe. No big deal. Honestly, in practice he is not particularly religious...I think he likes the idea of it all, but the extent of his religiosity involves going to church for an hour a week and pondering over ideas from time to time. I can deal with that.
Things might become a little more complicated if we have a kid. I'm cool with exposing a kid to church, but no discussion of doctrine or anything like that until they are older, and no "brain-washing." I will be reeeeaaally picky about the church, as well. He has agreed with this. He can discuss his ideas, I'll discuss mine, future progeny can decide for themselves to follow a religion or not.

You have the right idea!

We have children, I came with 4, we had one and he has a daughter from a previous relationship that lives with her mother.

The 5 that we raised are very open minded with regards to religion. We encouraged them to explore, study and follow their hearts and now we have two Catholics (their birth father's religion) an agnostic, an Atheist and one who's still searching.

My husband's daughter is a staunch Fundy because that's what her mother is. I'm sure that if we had raised her she would be a lot more laid back and accepting of others.

Oh well, statistically, we did pretty good. Religion isn't one size fits all.

[CSD610]

Originally Posted by looking4answers12

If you are in a relationship with someone of a different faith, or if you are a couple with one believer and one non-believer, OR if you just have some basic differences in philosophy about certain things, how do you manage it?

I know we have a relationship forum (or I think we do), but I am bringing this up here because I am more interested in the answers from a religion ans philosophy perspective than from just a basic relationship stand-point.
(if that makes sense)

You agree to disagree on some points just like other areas of your relationship. Discuss not argue, explain don't preach, things like that.

[mensaguy]

Originally Posted by SuperSoul

When my husband & I first got married, I was "inactive" but Mormon. He was very active Mormon & had served a mission. I became active & "worthy" so we could marry in the temple... But I always had doubts & those doubts have become much greater the last few years. He's often looked down on me (as he's taught to in church) for questioning the church. He tries to make himself out to be the better one. I've compromised a lot (maybe too much). I still go to church because we agreed we'd raise our kids in the church. Yet, I teach my kids other perspectives... & that's often clashed & we argue about what to teach our kids in front of them, which isn't good.

My husband is a good person. He's been abusive a couple of times, but mostly he's been good to me & our children. Yet, because we're growing differently psychologically/beliefs - I don't feel as close to him. I feel like I'm going through the motions, to keep our family together.

Looks like you've already been thinking how your life will change when the children are grown. I think that is a good thing. Be prepared for things to change sooner than you expect. Others will sense that you are going through the motions.

[looking4answers12]

Thank you all for your replies. It has given me a lot to think about. I can't believe I lost track of this thread! I guess my week got hectic after I posted my questions.

I've agreed to disagree many times. But there comes a time that if you are agreeing to disagree more often than you are on the same page, you gotta wonder if you are really a good match.

I am all for doing everything you can to make a marriage work, but I also think it's not worth it to continue a relationship of both parties aren't having at least most of their needs met.

I can't remember (and don't want to check) if I only asked about religious differences, or if that is just the first thing that everyone could relate to.

I also wonder about differences such as racism and intolerance of homosexuality, as well as things like cheating on taxes, drinking, sexism. I think these are some key topics that people have to confront regularly in life.

[mzjamiedawn]

Originally Posted by notyouraveragebear

This sounds like the best of both worlds. Not having the stress of following a religion's dogma, but still believing in a higher power who can take favor in you and perhaps look out for you.

[Vic 2.0]

My girlfriend is a theist of Christian persuasion. By that, I mean she makes no effort to be a Christian, but she does believe in the Christian God and occasionally (about once a month) says she would like to start going to church. So far, she hasn't taken any strong stand on what we should do. She's mentioned that she wants our son to be raised in church. I don't see a problem with that because I myself was "raised in church" and still turned out to be atheist (so I don't assume this will indoctrinate him to a point of no return).

I intend to allow him to choose his religion or system of beliefs. It should be very interesting, to see how I can encourage him to be tolerant and understanding of other views, without discouraging him from being a Christian