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Old 12-25-2007, 12:09 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
923 posts, read 2,223,149 times
Reputation: 237

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A man can be Bi and be with a woman and be completely happy...it can and does happen alot! Live and let live!

 
Old 12-25-2007, 02:03 PM
 
435 posts, read 787,756 times
Reputation: 324
Hallo there Sufergirl. Just thought I d give you my two cents on your question. The truth is dear no one can answer these questions for you, no one. Not in these forums and not even a professional. There is no knowing if your huby may or may not keep his promise to you. He may break it next year or in 5yrs time or in 10 yrs when your last born is just starting walk and your oldest daughter is crazy about some boy from school. Or he may never ever break his promise. This is love dear. you dive in with no assurance that the future holds happly ever after for you. Does he love you, truely love you, as you love him? We do not know the future, we can only speculate and give opinions, and may be wrong or right. The only question here, really, is wether your love for each other is strong enough to take the risk, is it dear? not that the risk will definetly pay out.
 
Old 12-25-2007, 04:41 PM
 
Location: SW Kansas
1,788 posts, read 2,285,742 times
Reputation: 1358
I'm not sure what difference it makes if he is/was gay or not? He has promised fidelity to you. I don't think the risk of him cheating on you with a man is any higher than the chance of a hetero man cheating on you. It's a risk we all take when we marry. If he is a devout Christian and holds the Christian values highly then hopefully he will take his marriage vows seriously and never cheat.
 
Old 10-17-2008, 11:23 AM
 
Location: UK.
350 posts, read 335,025 times
Reputation: 120
Quote:
Originally Posted by chele123 View Post
I'm not sure what difference it makes if he is/was gay or not? He has promised fidelity to you. I don't think the risk of him cheating on you with a man is any higher than the chance of a hetero man cheating on you. It's a risk we all take when we marry. If he is a devout Christian and holds the Christian values highly then hopefully he will take his marriage vows seriously and never cheat.
There is, in fact, a huge difference, I'm sorry to have to say. The risk of cheating is in a different category when the husband is gay, take it from me.

A man can worship the ground his wife walks on, but if he is basically gay he will crave the expression of that side of himself with another man, no matter how he fights it or prays for help. Nature is strong, and Nature will find a way of sweeping aside frustration - that's the way it is.

He might hate himself for having this need that no woman can satisfy, no matter how much mutual love there is in the marriage: so whatever happens, he simply can't win. His life will be a perpetual struggle not to stray.

If he was to stray towards a woman other than his wife, that would be arguably less forgivable, and even more hurtful to the wife, I would say. His need, for better or worse, is for 'maleness' - and that may not even involve physical sex. Even the most loving wife can't provide this, it stands to reason.

Sorry if this sounds brutal, but all the evidence I am aware of, including the experience of close friends, strongly suggests that you should be prepared for a disappointment sooner or later. Some couples find a way of accommodating this problem, and go on living together, but the man WILL be gay to his dying day.
 
Old 10-17-2008, 11:32 AM
 
Location: Pleasant Shade Tn
2,214 posts, read 3,745,190 times
Reputation: 522
If a man has impulses that are homosexual, and chooses to fight against them in order to be with a woman he loves, it is my opinion that he absolutely can succeed. My grandfather was alcoholic and he chose never to drink, in order to resist the temptation entirely. A man who is inherently homosexual can likewise resist the temptation of sexual relations with men by choosing to avoid fornication entirely, not watching pornographic material of this nature, and avoiding the company of people who try to normalize his tendencies. There is nothing wrong w/ fighting against certain urges in order to make someone happy. Especially if children are involved.
 
Old 10-17-2008, 11:37 AM
 
3,126 posts, read 2,360,667 times
Reputation: 1955
Take a psych class or pick up a science journal. Homosexuality is NOT like alcoholism. It's not an addiction or a compulsion In fact, they are COMPLETELY different things.

It's who you LOVE and are attracted too. I feel sorry for any woman who has the low self esteem to stay with a man that is not attracted to her and will never love her the way he would love a man.
 
Old 10-17-2008, 11:41 AM
 
Location: Montrose, CA
3,031 posts, read 5,687,877 times
Reputation: 1840
Quote:
Originally Posted by surfergirl2007 View Post
My question to formerly gay men
He's not "formerly gay". At best, he's bisexual. That being said, is he a good husband to you? Do you feel like he's faithful and caring? If so, then don't worry about it. He's chosen a female partner despite the fact that he also liked male partners. It's no different than him choosing you instead of an old girlfriend. And really, everyone fantasizes during sex from time to time, it doesn't mean they actually want someone else. Judge him by whether or not he's a good husband, not by whether or not he finds men attractive.
 
Old 10-17-2008, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Pleasant Shade Tn
2,214 posts, read 3,745,190 times
Reputation: 522
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel and The Dolphin View Post
Take a psych class or pick up a science journal. Homosexuality is NOT like alcoholism. It's not an addiction or a compulsion In fact, they are COMPLETELY different things.

It's who you LOVE and are attracted too. I feel sorry for any woman who has the low self esteem to stay with a man that is not attracted to her and will never love her the way he would love a man.
I never said it was like alcoholism. I compared it w/ the ability to say no to temptation. And honestly, I am sad for the people on this thread who don't understand what it means to love someone so much that it outshines anything else. Why can't he love her in the same way he would love a man? Why couldnt he be just as happy w/ her because they have a mental connection he never had w/ anyone else? Sex is such a small part of a successful marriage. Sheesh...
 
Old 10-17-2008, 11:52 AM
 
3,126 posts, read 2,360,667 times
Reputation: 1955
Quote:
Originally Posted by alicenavada View Post
I never said it was like alcoholism. I compared it w/ the ability to say no to temptation. And honestly, I am sad for the people on this thread who don't understand what it means to love someone so much that it outshines anything else. Why can't he love her in the same way he would love a man? Why couldnt he be just as happy w/ her because they have a mental connection he never had w/ anyone else? Sex is such a small part of a successful marriage. Sheesh...
Okay, so they're friends with a marriage contract. Fine. He's gay and he's decided to fantasize about guys to have sex with his wife on occassion and if they are both fulfilled, fine. 'course, as far as I know it never happens that way. One or both parties feel unfufilled, sad, disappointed which leads to anxiety and depression as well as physical ailments. In fact, read the OP -- it's already happening
 
Old 10-17-2008, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Pleasant Shade Tn
2,214 posts, read 3,745,190 times
Reputation: 522
Quote:
Originally Posted by Angel and The Dolphin View Post
Okay, so they're friends with a marriage contract. Fine. He's gay and he's decided to fantasize about guys to have sex with his wife on occassion and if they are both fulfilled, fine. 'course, as far as I know it never happens that way. One or both parties feel unfufilled, sad, disappointed which leads to anxiety and depression as well as physical ailments. In fact, read the OP -- it's already happening
You don't think that if he's fulfilled, he's probably not fantasizing?
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