Question for gay men married to straight women (paradise, soul, Satanoid)

[MontanaGuy]

chielgirl wrote:

What I still don't get, and maybe because I'm old, is why anyone's sexual orientation is anyone else's business.
For the life of me, I don't see why people get into a huff because some people are drawn to the same sex.
What's the big deal?

You nailed it chielgirl. Sexual desires are a very personal and private matter and I completely agree that it's no one else's business.

[brianrees]

Originally Posted by aquila

Whoa...hold on a second. Don't read too much into what I said. I was a bit puzzled by your initial comment, because it could be misconstrued as indicating there was an official statement put out by Exodus itself. In fact, that's why I asked for your source to that information, because I was having a hard time believing that Exodus would do that. It would be counter-productive to its mission. But as it turns out, that isn't the case anyway. So I was simply clarifying that it was made by former leaders of the group. They weren't apologizing on behalf of the organization itself, as if Exodus sanctioned their apology.

Something else that needs to be borne in mind, however, is that ANY former leader of a group who no longer subscribes to the mission of that group will generally hold a new position in total opposition to it, and that will in turn prompt some of them to speak out against the original group at times. You witness that in all areas of life...whether it's a military general speaking out against a war he once supported, or a Catholic who no longer accepts the teachings of the church, leaving it to join a Protestant one. In such situations, you still have people on both sides of the argument who stand by their reasons for believing as they do. So I'm not surprised at all that there are former Exodus leaders speaking out against it.

Fair comment aquila - intelligently put.

As far as I'm concerned, Exodus is responsible for messing up people's lives, and as such, deserves all the bad publicity it can get.

You just can't take confused people and re-programme them as if they were lab. rats, as I think you'll agree. The basic assumptions Exodus makes about human sexuality are at best ill-informed, and at worst, cause much damage to people who need every help in accepting who they are, and who deserve better treatment than being convinced they are very much second best human beings.

As often as not, it is the psychiatric profession who are left to pick up the pieces in the worst cases.

Roll on the day when gay men and women are seen as normal as the next person, and not as suitable cases for phoney treatments such as the Exodus people subject them to. It's a scandal.

[brianrees]

Originally Posted by MontanaGuy

chielgirl wrote:

You nailed it chielgirl. Sexual desires are a very personal and private matter and I completely agree that it's no one else's business.

Hooray to that, MontanaGuy.

Sad to think so many people on these forums are obsessed with seeing sex in purely genital terms, when it's so obvious to anyone with an ounce of understanding that sexuality is much more complex than this.

I can't explain exactly why a gay guy like myself will instinctively look at the other guy walking down the street towards me before I even notice his pretty girlfriend, and neither do I think I should be made to account for this instinctive behaviour to anyone.

I guess a straight man would say the same thing, but in reverse, of course, so where's the problem? He has no guilt about his natural feelings - so why should I?

That attraction, whatever its source, is surely an integral part of every individual's makeup, and not something added on by whimsy. As I see it, nobody should even think of surgically removing any part of me, or any hard-earned facet of the whole person that I am - the person I have always been, and the person I wish to remain.

So when I run into the sort of poster on this forum (and there are plenty) who go out of their way trying to convince me I would be a better person if I was straight, or that I think with only my genitals, my reaction is to say -

forget it, because just like you, my sexual orientation is of my personality as much as it is genital, and you are insolent to argue otherwise.

If only we could move on from arguing about something so obvious.

Thankfully, there are also many more enlightened straight man (and women) out there whose warm support counts for more than you probably realise - so thanks, MontanaGuy and Chielgirl, and everyone like you. ......Oh! and a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY Montana.

[Huckleberry3911948]

most gay men are fathers.

[chielgirl]

I've never heard this before.
Not one of my gay friends are fathers, although some are married to other men.
What would that matter, except to say that they tried to fit in with society and it didn't work?

[jmdiaz10]

Asking your gay husband to love you like a wife is the equivalent of asking you to love another woman like your husband. It simply will not work. There are many marriages of straight woman to gay men. If this works for both of you, that is fine, but it turns out to be more of a friendship and there will be little to no sex between you. Having sex with you is a challenge for your husband and, yes, he probably has to fantasize that he is with another man when he has sex with you. Finally, your husband will always be gay. There is no such thing as previously gay, the same way there is no such things as previously straight. Sexual orientation is biologically determined, just like height and eye color. My best to you.

[lovethetruth]

I have read this topic all the way through, and I must say that I agree with Alice wholeheartedly on this subject. I wish i knew a way to quote multiple quotes on here, but I guess I will just have to go back individually and answer each issue.

I believe that a marriage can work with someone who has homosexual tendencies, but for someone who has embraced the lifestyle it is much harder. I won't say impossible, just more difficult.

[osoviajero]

I was in a marriage like this for quite a long time and it turned out to be devastating for my ex and damaging to me, even though we loved each other very much. Heterosexual attraction can be fostered and nurtured and homosexual attraction can be repressed, but it doesn't just go away. You both could be hurting each other emotionally by having unrealistic expectations. You are more vulnerable than he is. Get some support from the Straight Spouse Network! Straight Spouse Network

[tripod]

Originally Posted by technobarbie

Biology will always win in the long run.

So if a person is an alcoholic does that mean their biology dictates they WILL drink.

[nancy62262]

I completely understand your frustration. Six months after Jim and I married I asked him why he never touches me anymore. His reply was, " I think of you as my sister". 18 years later, counseling with four different priests, a child, and almost daily being pushed away and sometimes insulted, I finally left. Im 46 now and wish the hell I would have left a long time ago. He'll never admit hes gay but I know he is. Ive prayed about this over the past 18 years and others prayed for us. In the mean time his brother came out of the closet. Jim's reaction to that was, " how dare he do this to our parents. He should find a nice girl, get married, have a family, and deal with it. Thats what he said his gay brother should do.
I would never wish this kind of life on anyone. Its not fair to you, the wife. Who cares how good a friend he is? He can still be your friend without being your pretend husband. Thats not asking too much at all........
Is he a very good friend, that you enjoy being around, or just someone to sleep with? quote]
This is the problem....I wonder if all I really am to his is a very good friend?? I want to be HIS WIFE! I want him to love me the way a husband loves his wife. Is that asking too much? Is this a demon that we will always be wrestling with?[/quote]