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I need your help.
And BTW, I'm open to any scripture - that is any religious doctrine, even good philosophy.
I like truth, "wherever it is found."
I've read that up to 80% of mental illness may be rooted in misunderstandings of doctrine.
Many churches entertain common cognitive distortions.
I want to correct these for my kids, with the use of scriptures, and good quotes.
Please let me know any scriptures or thoughts that would help correct the following cognitive distortions.
Thanks in advance!
So far, this is what I have....
1. Filtering: filtering out positive aspects of a situation while magnifying negative. Catastrophizing – magnifying or minimizing, expecting disaster. Disqualifying the positive or negative.
“Test all things;hold fast what is good.” -1 Thess 5:21
2. Bi-polar thinking: black- or white (when often it is a mix)
“Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” - John 8:32
3. Overgeneralization– something happens once, but general conclusions are based on that one happening
*Jumping to conclusions – concluding with out knowing orconsidering all of the facts
Global Labeling – Generalizing
Rethink: I consider all the facts… & even possibilities that I may be unaware of.
I realize that people don’t think or feel as I do – we each are unique – so I’m careful about my conclusions… We can’t help but conclude/judge – to protect ourselves & others – yet I still keep an open mind, realizing I, nor others are perfect, nor do we communicate & interpret perfectly.
“Be transformed bythe renewing of your mind.” –Rom 12:2
4.*Personalization – taking things personally, comparing
Rethink: Myself-esteem comes from myself, not from others. Even when someone purposefully puts me down, I realize there are many ways to interpret it & before taking it “to heart” – I consider the source’s credibility &if there is any truth to their actions/words.
“Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never supposed.” -Moses 1:10
5. *ControlFallacies – Viewing ourselves victim to external controls, or internalizingothers pain (to feel control)
Rethink: I am authority over my thoughts, feelings & actions. I am captain of my own soul.
Others pain is theirs… I have compassion in harmony with compassion for myself & what seems best.
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”-Proverbs 3:5-6
6. *Blaming – holding others responsible for our pain, or blaming ourselves for others pain
Rethink: I am responsible for my happiness. Others are responsible for their happiness. We can help each other here & there – but that is only temporary help, whereas the real source of happiness is within each of us.
“For as a manthinks in his heart, so is he.” – Pro 23:7
7. *Shoulds – making rules about everything –especially unrealistic rules (ie perfection) - & inducing shame when rules aren’t kept.
Rethink: I focus onwhat I’ve achieved… & with positive encouragement also focus on what I wantto achieve and improve… while also I realize nobody’s perfect & I’m ok with that.
“Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow…”-Mat 6:28
8. *Fallacy of Change – Thinking we can change others &then we’ll be happy (both aren’t true)
Rethink: Others are the way they are… & often have been that way for a while… momentum doesn’t change easily & I don’t expect others to change. I accept that they are the way they are… Even if they changed, there are still countless other possible conflicts. Nobody’s perfect & no relationship is perfect either.
“Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalms 46:10
9. *Always being right – Continually on trial to prove our opinions & actions are correct
Rethink: I’m not always right & I’m ok with that. Nobody is always right because nobody’s all-knowing. It’s ok. Also, I’m ok if people question me… they can question & I don’t have to explain anything, unless I want to.
“…hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?” -1Cor1:20
10. *Fallacy of Fairness – Constantly looking for fairness & being disappointed (because life often isn’t fair)
Rethink: I have my own goals and value system. Although, I respect schedules, my overall priority is to be loyal to the promptings of spiritual creativity within me… which cannot be compared withothers. Somtimes life is not fair in my favor, sometimes others' favor.
“God is no respector of persons.”
11. *Emotional Reasoning – thinking feelings are facts (when they aren’t)
Rethink: What I feel is based on my thoughts. I know when & how to rearrange my thinking. Although, I accept what I feel for the emotion it is, but I realize it’snot fact & only one interpretation out of many possible interpretations.
(“Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”)
12. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy – Belief that if you suffer enough, the pay-off will be worth it after-life
Rethink: Now is all we experience, since we do not time travel in the past or future. “Men ARE (present tense) that they might havejoy.” God is “I am that I am” – again present tense. This life is lived in the present moment, so I do my best to love others as well as myself – these are most important above all. Love involves striving for what is best – sometimes that involves suffering, but not always and necessarily. Although, life is essentially more of a school than a vacation, there are many opportunities to enjoy and life does not require extra suffering. In fact, extra suffering leads to more suffering of others. There is clean paina nd dirty pain – clean pain is natural, even necessary suffering for good. Dirty pain is the extra burden we add in how we dwell on misery and or dysfunctional thoughts.
“Let the dead bury the dead… God is not a god of the dead, but of the living.”
Last edited by SuperSoul; 03-19-2014 at 10:29 AM..
If your serious there is nothing at all to worry about and will provide what works with our family for generations with Italian, Irish , French and English ancestry. All relatives and the kids are basically excellent producers, stable and good relations. Heated stuff gets worked out, another topic. Say 80% of adults prof..going back many generations.
- all raised Catholic, all att to authentic Catholic but with zero pressure, zero drilling themes into the head.
- the doctrines and teachings are there for the full life with attention to whats given and sanctity ( respect for life)
- people who say , conservative believers, dogma ....all that and saying it is a BS do not know what they are talking about, evidence : ( notice how they cannot discuss, its always just words ..oh dogma. Oh conservative, they don't even know what they are talking about and just use labels due to guilt and conscience issues they cannot handle or understand the issue of always doing your best and getting back up on the bike.
the damage is when older kids or parents try to brainwash the youngsters, so it doesn't matter what it is, things like We Must Love Each Other and Written in your Heart, > re spiritual stuff, all that is negative because your drilling something, it should be the foundation , not something that needs to be told, a given, they know its a family iow's why the insecurity...note , when ever you drill something at the youngsters all it does is suggest you have an imbalance, a hangup, Iow a mental disorder, and the kids will pick it up, guaranteed. Then prob be the opposite to find out what's going on with the hang up, very normal and another topic.
never play favorites in the family and never or do everything you can to not have the parents EVER fighting or arguing in a poor way in front of the children or even teens , this is crucial ( or boyfriend , main squeeze whatever) Again never show the adults in the family fighting-arguing in front of the youngsters, also the older ones should learn the example as well .
If Christian simply answer questions and when upset happens such as death in family or possibly terrible world event, or whatever, say formal prayer together, "not things you make up in your head, people don't understand that, another topic. Grace before meal in house plus they should be taught how to bless themselves.. Its better to not read scripture to them and if it is an interest, to take to some church monthly weekly whatever. No pressure, example of stability. Have it in the house, if they want to read they will go and read it, let them do this and let them just ask questions. Todays world is not that good for these things so an eye on useless friends. Thats all I can think of for now. Also an obvious never expose or hang out with immoral or crass ill spoken adults ( they will know they are immoral before you sometimes by the manner) and watch out for the TV and internet , its full of garbage. The internet games should avoid addiction, they promote auto thinking not discerning by the habit of the spontaneity. Plus don't put up with useless teachers at the school. Be tough on the teacher interview. Opinion and its worked out for us. If Christian there should be a picture or cross and Bvm in the house for the blessing and showing the foundation. This is just opinion that's all.
Last edited by alexcanter; 03-19-2014 at 12:25 PM..
It is a complicated issue - teaching our kids to have good morals and beliefs, while helping them avoid potentially harmful beliefs (that make them feel or act in destructive ways).
I agree that there is a lot of trash out there - that our kids can get exposed to. Parents should be the first line of defense, or filtering. My kids rarely watch TV - but watch movies - & even good stuff DVDs like Phill on Duck Dynasty, they pick up some stupid ideas that don't really help.
Some say, you don't want to shelter your kids too much - eventually they'll discover the world, but I feel like I'd rather be part of their understanding - to help them have a good foundation. No doubt, I screw up, as a mother, regularly. But I'm trying.
You implied that lectures are less productive than good example. So true, but it's difficult to show good examples of some complicated topics, and when they ask questions, I want to be open with them. Still, I realize it's important to filter how we communicate, so they understand, based on their level of development.
I need your help.
And BTW, I'm open to any scripture - that is any religious doctrine, even good philosophy.
I like truth, "wherever it is found."
I've read that up to 80% of mental illness may be rooted in misunderstandings of doctrine.
Many churches entertain common cognitive distortions.
I want to correct these for my kids, with the use of scriptures, and good quotes.
Please let me know any scriptures or thoughts that would help correct the following cognitive distortions.
Thanks in advance!
So far, this is what I have....
So I don't know if this is helpful, but I want to throw out a recommendation for Daniel Kahneman's "Thinking Fast and Slow". It is a book about the prevalence of these kind of cognitive and perceptual distortions that are inherent in human thinking. I think it is probably way beyond your kids, but you might find it interesting.
My advice here is two fold.
First, all of us need to understand that we are not now and never will be perfectly rational beings. Humans are neurologically hardwired for a great many of these cognitive distortions. They are in our genes, literally, and are not something we have to feel guilty for, or feel that we are a disappointment simply for being human. Your kids need to know this. I say this because when I was young I did not know this, I fought to "bring into captivity every thought and submit it to the obedience of Christ", and felt that this was part of God's command to "be holy as I am holy". It was an enormous source of stress, guilt and fear. I wish that I had known that it is ok to be human when I was a kid.
Secondly, I think regardless of maxims or scripture, the best thing you can teach them to do is examine their own thoughts, attitudes, and actions. The simple concept that it is almost always worth asking, "Why do I think that?" or "Why did I react like that?" is so valuable. I liken it to dieting. I have been trying to lose 20 pounds or so, and I know what I need to do. It isn't about a diet, or increasing my exercise. It is simply making the effort to take note of what I eat. That consciousness alone changes my eating habits to be markedly more healthy. In the same way, I think mindfulness is probably the most powerful tool you can give your kids.
If Scripture, or Poor Richard's almanack, or Confuscius, or Spong have helpful maxims, so much the better. I think the simple fact that you are trying to instill mindfulness will generate the bulk of the results you are seeking. Good luck to you!
Those are good points NoCapo. Plus I read the link provided and would like to mention something else.
a) a consistency with praise, the consistency helps for later on as a model. ( with regards to many of the problems mentioned in link.
b) sometimes things can be compared to a game of golf, its not the good shots that make the score, its getting out of the sand traps. So if the youngster is encouraged to take patience and look forward to good results after a lousy shot, it helps establish an approach to the future shots which will, go into the sand or woods at some time.
c) another thing the link speaks to is the common issue of depression. Self absorption , isolation and feelings of uselessness are the problem. The opinion is to simply be aware and good communication. All the attributes in other things should help in this part of life. It is part of life I think and getting out doing things or involving in other peoples things, long and short term goals are helpful.
d) looking for a villain : yes this can be a problem. People can be villains . There are many in jail. Letting it get out of control where the habit seems to be pointing at people all the time can be a product of feelings of inadequacy, or being subject to believing that it may be possible that the self is really, the real villain all along.
therefore the escape, where its suggested something else or someone else is the villain.
A good vrs bad overwhelming obsession interfering with proper understandings of things. (-not discounting the reality of values) If the youngsters are not favored one to the other and the idea of consideration is a good theme, and there is no bully things arising in different ways, this shouldn't be a problem. As far as scripture goes since it was mentioned, man is not allowed to throw the stone, Iow make a judge in the final state of the soul, gods job. Opinion only and I'm only answering the link and general topics.
Last edited by alexcanter; 03-21-2014 at 02:25 PM..
Reason: changed a couple of adjectives coming back and reading
So I don't know if this is helpful, but I want to throw out a recommendation for Daniel Kahneman's "Thinking Fast and Slow". It is a book about the prevalence of these kind of cognitive and perceptual distortions that are inherent in human thinking. I think it is probably way beyond your kids, but you might find it interesting.
My advice here is two fold.
First, all of us need to understand that we are not now and never will be perfectly rational beings. Humans are neurologically hardwired for a great many of these cognitive distortions. They are in our genes, literally, and are not something we have to feel guilty for, or feel that we are a disappointment simply for being human. Your kids need to know this. I say this because when I was young I did not know this, I fought to "bring into captivity every thought and submit it to the obedience of Christ", and felt that this was part of God's command to "be holy as I am holy". It was an enormous source of stress, guilt and fear. I wish that I had known that it is ok to be human when I was a kid.
Secondly, I think regardless of maxims or scripture, the best thing you can teach them to do is examine their own thoughts, attitudes, and actions. The simple concept that it is almost always worth asking, "Why do I think that?" or "Why did I react like that?" is so valuable. I liken it to dieting. I have been trying to lose 20 pounds or so, and I know what I need to do. It isn't about a diet, or increasing my exercise. It is simply making the effort to take note of what I eat. That consciousness alone changes my eating habits to be markedly more healthy. In the same way, I think mindfulness is probably the most powerful tool you can give your kids.
If Scripture, or Poor Richard's almanack, or Confuscius, or Spong have helpful maxims, so much the better. I think the simple fact that you are trying to instill mindfulness will generate the bulk of the results you are seeking. Good luck to you!
-NoCapo
Good advice, Thanks NoCapo.
I completely 100% agree that it is essential to accept that we are works in progress (not perfect - whatever that is). God/Love/Our Creator created us as works in progress - and despite our bad habits & decisions, he still "saw that it was GOoD."
Hind sight is 20-20, & so often, as a parent, it is tempting to forsee probable consequences of my kids' actions and want to help them to prevent hardship, but often experience (when it's safe) is the best teacher. I really like the idea of asking "why" a lot - to explore their own reasonsing. It is like playing chess helps consider consequences of actions - and thinking critically. There's also the imaginative, spontaneous, playful side that needs to be natured. What paradox & needs for balance!
The books sounds good. From what I've gathered in a brief overview, it reminds me that as human beings, our emotional part of our brain (amygdala) existed evolutionarily before the larger more cognitively-based part (the cerebral cortex). So, as you mentioned, we're sort of hardwired to pick up on emotional things first... If it comes to life or death, it's better to be safe than sorry - better to react quickly as if it's something to be afraid of, rather than take our time comtemplating if it might be or not.
I don't ever want to make it seem that we should feel guilty that we have "weaknesses" - that we don't always have a firm grip on reality because of preconceived fears or hopes, etc. But I do want to think & help my kids think (mostly by example) in ways that are more productive than destructive.
According to metaphysics and the bible, "as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he."
Those are good points NoCapo. Plus I read the link provided and would like to mention something else.
a) a consistency with praise, the consistency helps for later on as a model. ( with regards to many of the problems mentioned in link.
b) sometimes things can be compared to a game of golf, its not the good shots that make the score, its getting out of the sand traps. So if the youngster is encouraged to take patience and look forward to good results after a lousy shot, it helps establish an approach to the future shots which will, go into the sand or woods at some time.
c) another thing the link speaks to is the common issue of depression. Self absorption , isolation and feelings of uselessness are the problem. The opinion is to simply be aware and good communication. All the attributes in other things should help in this part of life. It is part of life I think and getting out doing things or involving in other peoples things, long and short term goals are helpful.
d) looking for a villain : yes this can be a problem. People can be villains . There are many in jail. Letting it get out of control where the habit seems to be pointing at people all the time can be a product of feelings of inadequacy, or being subject to believing that it may be possible that the self is really, the real villain all along.
therefore the escape, where its suggested something else or someone else is the villain.
A good vrs bad overwhelming obsession interfering with proper understandings of things. (-not discounting the reality of values) If the youngsters are not favored one to the other and the idea of consideration is a good theme, and there is no bully things arising in different ways, this shouldn't be a problem. As far as scripture goes since it was mentioned, man is not allowed to throw the stone, Iow make a judge in the final state of the soul, gods job. Opinion only and I'm only answering the link and general topics.
But I do want to think & help my kids think (mostly by example) in ways that are more productive than destructive.
I would recommend reading (or listening to) Dan Siegal's: "Parenting from the Inside Out: How A Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive"
The books sounds good. From what I've gathered in a brief overview, it reminds me that as human beings, our emotional part of our brain (amygdala) existed evolutionarily before the larger more cognitively-based part (the cerebral cortex). So, as you mentioned, we're sort of hardwired to pick up on emotional things first... If it comes to life or death, it's better to be safe than sorry - better to react quickly as if it's something to be afraid of, rather than take our time comtemplating if it might be or not.
Dan Siegal explains this simply using his 'hand model' of the brain. A lot of psychologists/therapists/counsellors are now using use this to help explain to clients what happens in their brain when they get triggered and why. It's also very useful for parents.
I need your help.
And BTW, I'm open to any scripture - that is any religious doctrine, even good philosophy.
I like truth, "wherever it is found."
I've read that up to 80% of mental illness may be rooted in misunderstandings of doctrine.
Many churches entertain common cognitive distortions.
I want to correct these for my kids, with the use of scriptures, and good quotes.
Please let me know any scriptures or thoughts that would help correct the following cognitive distortions.
Thanks in advance!
So far, this is what I have....
1. Filtering: filtering out positive aspects of a situation while magnifying negative. Catastrophizing – magnifying or minimizing, expecting disaster. Disqualifying the positive or negative.
“Test all things;hold fast what is good.” -1 Thess 5:21
2. Bi-polar thinking: black- or white (when often it is a mix)
“Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.” - John 8:32
3. Overgeneralization– something happens once, but general conclusions are based on that one happening
*Jumping to conclusions – concluding with out knowing orconsidering all of the facts
Global Labeling – Generalizing
Rethink: I consider all the facts… & even possibilities that I may be unaware of.
I realize that people don’t think or feel as I do – we each are unique – so I’m careful about my conclusions… We can’t help but conclude/judge – to protect ourselves & others – yet I still keep an open mind, realizing I, nor others are perfect, nor do we communicate & interpret perfectly.
“Be transformed bythe renewing of your mind.” –Rom 12:2
4.*Personalization – taking things personally, comparing
Rethink: Myself-esteem comes from myself, not from others. Even when someone purposefully puts me down, I realize there are many ways to interpret it & before taking it “to heart” – I consider the source’s credibility &if there is any truth to their actions/words.
“Now, for this cause I know that man is nothing, which thing I never supposed.” -Moses 1:10
5. *ControlFallacies – Viewing ourselves victim to external controls, or internalizingothers pain (to feel control)
Rethink: I am authority over my thoughts, feelings & actions. I am captain of my own soul.
Others pain is theirs… I have compassion in harmony with compassion for myself & what seems best.
“Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”-Proverbs 3:5-6
6. *Blaming – holding others responsible for our pain, or blaming ourselves for others pain
Rethink: I am responsible for my happiness. Others are responsible for their happiness. We can help each other here & there – but that is only temporary help, whereas the real source of happiness is within each of us.
“For as a manthinks in his heart, so is he.” – Pro 23:7
7. *Shoulds – making rules about everything –especially unrealistic rules (ie perfection) - & inducing shame when rules aren’t kept.
Rethink: I focus onwhat I’ve achieved… & with positive encouragement also focus on what I wantto achieve and improve… while also I realize nobody’s perfect & I’m ok with that.
“Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow…”-Mat 6:28
8. *Fallacy of Change – Thinking we can change others &then we’ll be happy (both aren’t true)
Rethink: Others are the way they are… & often have been that way for a while… momentum doesn’t change easily & I don’t expect others to change. I accept that they are the way they are… Even if they changed, there are still countless other possible conflicts. Nobody’s perfect & no relationship is perfect either.
“Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalms 46:10
9. *Always being right – Continually on trial to prove our opinions & actions are correct
Rethink: I’m not always right & I’m ok with that. Nobody is always right because nobody’s all-knowing. It’s ok. Also, I’m ok if people question me… they can question & I don’t have to explain anything, unless I want to.
“…hath not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?” -1Cor1:20
10. *Fallacy of Fairness – Constantly looking for fairness & being disappointed (because life often isn’t fair)
Rethink: I have my own goals and value system. Although, I respect schedules, my overall priority is to be loyal to the promptings of spiritual creativity within me… which cannot be compared withothers. Somtimes life is not fair in my favor, sometimes others' favor.
“God is no respector of persons.”
11. *Emotional Reasoning – thinking feelings are facts (when they aren’t)
Rethink: What I feel is based on my thoughts. I know when & how to rearrange my thinking. Although, I accept what I feel for the emotion it is, but I realize it’snot fact & only one interpretation out of many possible interpretations.
(“Ye shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”)
12. Heaven’s Reward Fallacy – Belief that if you suffer enough, the pay-off will be worth it after-life
Rethink: Now is all we experience, since we do not time travel in the past or future. “Men ARE (present tense) that they might havejoy.” God is “I am that I am” – again present tense. This life is lived in the present moment, so I do my best to love others as well as myself – these are most important above all. Love involves striving for what is best – sometimes that involves suffering, but not always and necessarily. Although, life is essentially more of a school than a vacation, there are many opportunities to enjoy and life does not require extra suffering. In fact, extra suffering leads to more suffering of others. There is clean paina nd dirty pain – clean pain is natural, even necessary suffering for good. Dirty pain is the extra burden we add in how we dwell on misery and or dysfunctional thoughts.
“Let the dead bury the dead… God is not a god of the dead, but of the living.”
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