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Old 09-14-2007, 04:38 PM
 
Location: huh?
3,099 posts, read 2,630,605 times
Reputation: 511

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advise please: my husband's family are evangelical christians. it seems that their whole lives are centered around god and the bible. they appear normal on the outside but are really heavy duty with the church and god thing. that of course is their right but they cant seem to stop trying to convert me. it seems they think i am a heathen even though i am a really good person and am actually pretty "spiritual" in a sense. they have gone so far as to send me a letter full of gobbledy **** nonsense about how i need to know the truth and find jesus blah blah blah. i was a bit hurt that they cant seem to accept me as i am. they have made me feel like i am not good enough to be a part of their family. truth be told i may just be a better human being than some of them even though i dont attend a church or subscribe to their beliefs. part of me just wants to stay as far away as possible from them (pretty easy since i live in another state but also not easy when it comes to family vacations together and phone calls). how do i deal with this situation?
i cant very well lose my temper but i fear this will never stop. why cant they understand that there are tons of really great people out there that dont believe what they believe in? what to do?
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Old 09-14-2007, 05:04 PM
 
7,099 posts, read 27,112,899 times
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It's hard to ignore that sort of thing, isn't it!!!

But that's about the only way to handle them. And hope that they get tired of it or find someone else to fret about. Anything that you might say, could make things worse.

If you just have to say something, say that you feel that your personal feelings about God are just that, personal, and you don't want to talk about it, and you would appreciate it if they didn't ask you about it.

Does your husband understand how you feel? Not that he could change their viewpoint, but I know it would help you if he understood how you felt.
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Old 09-14-2007, 05:11 PM
 
Location: Jax
61 posts, read 282,900 times
Reputation: 53
Nicolepsy - I can understand exactly what you are experiencing. My DH and I have been married for 14 yrs - and throughout that entire time I have listened to my MIL preach to me on each and every visit. It is sad - she lives 10 min from me, but we limit our visits because her views are oppressive.
And even more sad - my DH and I have become increasingly "spiritual" in the past 2 yrs, and have now decided to find a place to worship as a family. However, this too, is not good enough, simply because it is not her church.

I have often questioned who is the better person? I think that you can change more through acceptance and leading by example...

Good luck - my DH jokes with me now - saying that he's happy that I've found a more spiritual path - but please, don't become his mother
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Old 09-14-2007, 05:12 PM
 
Location: Somewhere along the path to where I'd like to be.
2,180 posts, read 5,409,815 times
Reputation: 829
I say go ahead and lose your temper. It may very well be the only thing that gets them to listen to you and causes them to shut up about it.
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Old 09-14-2007, 05:49 PM
 
Location: Florida
5,493 posts, read 7,296,690 times
Reputation: 1502
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicolepsy View Post
advise please: my husband's family are evangelical christians. it seems that their whole lives are centered around god and the bible. they appear normal on the outside but are really heavy duty with the church and god thing. that of course is their right but they cant seem to stop trying to convert me. it seems they think i am a heathen even though i am a really good person and am actually pretty "spiritual" in a sense. they have gone so far as to send me a letter full of gobbledy **** nonsense about how i need to know the truth and find jesus blah blah blah. i was a bit hurt that they cant seem to accept me as i am. they have made me feel like i am not good enough to be a part of their family. truth be told i may just be a better human being than some of them even though i dont attend a church or subscribe to their beliefs. part of me just wants to stay as far away as possible from them (pretty easy since i live in another state but also not easy when it comes to family vacations together and phone calls). how do i deal with this situation?
i cant very well lose my temper but i fear this will never stop. why cant they understand that there are tons of really great people out there that dont believe what they believe in? what to do?
Tell them your considering joining a convent, and watch their corks pop

Or, tell them you've joined the reformed universalist fundamental relativistic temple of the pink fuzzy. While you leave them scrathing their heads, you can go enjoy the party.
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Old 09-14-2007, 05:57 PM
 
Location: Metro Detroit, MI
3,490 posts, read 3,180,420 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WCRob View Post
I say go ahead and lose your temper. It may very well be the only thing that gets them to listen to you and causes them to shut up about it.
LOL! I agree with Rob somewhat, but you don't want to cause even more drama for your hubby...

I myself have the exact same situation, only it isn't my inlaws, it's my parents. They are loving and good people, but only their way is the right way and while I know their hearts are in the right place, they often come across as condescending and preachy. It would be so much easier if I didn't love them or care...

But, I do, very much so, so I have to deal with it. They live about 2.5 hours away so I only see them about once a month. It isn't a chore for me, but then again I was raised by them so I know the ins and outs of what to say and not say around them, so as not to earn myself another lengthy lecture. It's much more difficult for my wife, who also loves them but finds their (numerous) intolerences intolerable! Nothing we do is good enough, our beliefs aren't good enough, when we find a church I'm sure it won't be good enough...*sigh* Sometimes you have to accept those who are incapable of doing the same in return...

But, when appropriate, I do make my disagreeances known. I would say in this situation talk to your hubby before you do anything. If he is okay with it, you can approach you MIL and let her know how you feel. If her response is negative and yet another lecture (if they are like my parent's, they KNOW they are justified in what they say and believe, so this is likely), then simply let her know that you don't agree and in order for you 2 to have an agreeable relationship, for the sake of her son she will need to follow some grounds rules...then lay them out. The burden then lies with her.
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Old 09-14-2007, 06:04 PM
 
Location: Mississippi
6,712 posts, read 13,428,427 times
Reputation: 4317
Ask them why if they truly believe in Jesus and God that they feel the need to judge you, pressure you, and belittle you for not believing. And I would also make it clear to them that regardless of what you say to them, it cannot change what's in your heart. Make them understand that you can say you believe in God all you want just to appease them, but it wouldn't change your actual belief. Make them also understand that to not accept that is the same thing that Spanish Inquisitors did in the 1300's, it is also what caused the Salem Witch Hunts, it destroyed thousands of native Americans, and it got a lot of people beheaded in England years ago. It is that same type of oppressive nature that makes their belief seem more evil to me than any of the alleged words of Satan. Make this utterly clear to them, and if they still do not understand and are so blinded by their faith that they are unwilling to understand, than I suggest you have given it your all and must ignore them at all costs.
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Old 09-14-2007, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Wilmington, DE
679 posts, read 1,436,961 times
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Actually you shouldn't have to say anything. Your husband should be straightening them out. What kind of man let's his wife suffer that kind of crap, and from his own parents no less? If you lose your temper at anyone, it should be him.
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Old 09-14-2007, 06:21 PM
 
Location: Jersey Shore
1,574 posts, read 4,742,409 times
Reputation: 1016
Hmmm, I think I'd speak to them in their language. Tell them you understand that they are concerned about your salvation and you appreciate their love for you. But, if you are going to accept Jesus as your Saviour, it has to be on God's schedule and not theirs. Let them know that the pressure and judgment is actually turning you off from religion altogether.

I'm sorry they are being so pushy. Perhaps if you talk to them they'll become more sensitive to your feelings.

I completely understand your frustration but keep in mind that they really believe they are helping. Christians (me included) have much concern over the salvation of people we love dearly.

Someone else asked, and I'm curious. Where does your husband stand on this?

EDIT: I do agree with Philly Chief that your husband should step in, but sometimes it's good to get your own point across. They are your in-laws. You've got 'em for life!
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Old 09-14-2007, 06:40 PM
 
Location: huh?
3,099 posts, read 2,630,605 times
Reputation: 511
wow, so many replies already! thanks guys! thanks to all of you! and hmm there are different opinions on what i should do if anything. i think i will do nothing. hopefully that will be the best and most mature and loving thing to do. i have been very tempted to get nasty though. but i wont! i wont!
i do realize that they care about me and think they are doing what is right BUT for anyone that is reading this that belongs to a church that tells you to "witness" to people, i think you should know that it can hurt people's feelings instead of helping them.
about my husband: he just isnt the supportive type. i know he probably doesnt realize how hurt i am by his family's actions and also by his lack of support on this matter. for some strange reason (anyone have any clue why this is the case with me? any ideas) i have had great trouble thruout my life when it comes to obtaining emotional support from people. maybe it's my fault or maybe it's theirs, idont know. maybe people think im stronger than i am and dont feel i need support or maybe im just surrounded by undemonstrative types. i dont know. i really appreciate all of your comments.
p.s. it has been 13 years that ive been married to my husband and his relatives still havent stopped so i dont think they will. eeek they may just try harder as time goes on!
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