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for religious reasons? I've been wondering about this b/c I know that the risks of suicide are great with those children who've been disowned for coming out. I am a Christian of the more liberal persuasion, and thank God for that, b/c when my daughter came out gay at 16 I was well able to deal with it and reassure her that I love her no matter what and I will always be her mom. Then 6 mo later my husband of 23 years came out and that was harder to deal with but not for religious reasons and I do not think either of them is going to hell, b/c I believe God made them that way. I believe that mainly b/c I know my ex tried very hard to "pray the gay away."
But back to my original question and that is--what is going thru these peoples' minds when they shun their gay children? What do they hope to accomplish? Like do they think the social pressure will "fix" their kids? Do they really believe that their kids are better off dead rather than in the arms of a loving family?
One of the most heart-wrenching deaths I was ever made cognizant of was a student at the last school I taught at--he was a handsome and popular football star and deserved every inch of his popularity. His sister came out gay and was disowned by the family and he is the one that committed suicide. Now I don't really know what was going on there exactly, but now the family is left with a gay girl that they disowned and a hole where their son was. Do people really want that? Is their own immortal soul in danger from accepting a gay child? Would you put your own soul ahead of your child's? Just wondering these things and would love to hear others' input.
Even if the parents love their children, it's not a guarantee that such children will be happy and safe.
I have moved from town to town as a child, and (having no sense of stability) have developed increasing trouble adjusting to the workforce. I have come out as trans/genderfluid. My parents love me, but seem to think that's it's a phase, and have basically told me that nobody will hire me like that.
I want to scrape together what I need to transition, but yes, after that vote of confidence, I basically feel hopeless. There is social pressure. I don't blame my parents, I blame the ****ed up "what will people think" mentality. My dad is a minister, and is concerned about his reputation. He should be concerned with making a change in his community, but I won't push him. What will people think?
The truth? Usually nothing. I go shopping as male sometimes, I go out as female, either way, whether in beard buying women's clothes, or out as female, nobody bats an eye. The only troubles I have ever had were applying for a job. Not shopkeepers, not friends, not nothing. Finding a stable place to live, and making steady money, these were issues.
We have the right to live our lives out in peace. If we don't, life is not worth living.
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I think they don't use their minds much. Much easier to let a book do their thinking for them.
And they certainly lack empathy.
It's really a shame such people breed.
Sometimes the suicides change things with the parents though.
By the way, you know what generally happens to children who are not supported by their parents, who are disowned? They get sentenced to prostitution to make ends meet. They usually end up raped with AIDS, or killed by homophobic creepers.
Last edited by bulmabriefs144; 06-03-2015 at 08:37 PM..
By the way, you know what generally happens to children who are not supported by their parents, who are disowned? They get sentenced to prostitution to make ends meet. They usually end up raped with AIDS, or killed by homophobic creepers.
Some, sadly, yes.
But some also hook up with the right co-worker, or counselor, or boss, or pastor, or friend, or aunt, or uncle, or cousin, or grandparent, or doctor, or book, or simply have the gumption it takes to find a way out of the confusion, fear and despair and into self-fulfilling lives.
Many of the bravest, most inspiring people on the planet are from the LGBTQ community.
In other words, if you raise your child correctly (and remember, fundamentalism is way more about BEING right than it is about DOING right) your child WILL behave, WILL obey, and WILL remain in the faith. If your child shames you by being, oh, for instance, gay, then you will, if you're a certain kind of person, throw that child under the bus to protect your own reputation.
In fairness to fundamentalists, many do the right thing, demonstrating that their love for their child trumps dogma, transmuting the crisis into a teaching moment for the parents. But many do not.
Yes, that's why I didn't specifically mention fundamentalists, or even Christians, b/c those of other faiths do it too, and not all Funds do it. Those who are more concerned about loving one another than their reputation don't do it.
But yeah, I do think that the parents' reputation does often trump their love for their child and they hide behind their religion and their bible verses to hold on to that rep at all costs. Anyway, you want to know what's funny? My gay girl has stayed true to the faith she was raised in but my other daughter became an atheist. I still love her too. I won't be turning either one out into the cold anytime soon.
But yeah, I do think that the parents' reputation does often trump their love for their child and they hide behind their religion and their bible verses to hold on to that rep at all costs. Anyway, you want to know what's funny? My gay girl has stayed true to the faith she was raised in but my other daughter became an atheist. I still love her too. I won't be turning either one out into the cold anytime soon.
What often makes it so much harder is that the parents are not the only ones involved. I find it amazing ( in a good way!) that your gay daughter is allowed to stay true to her faith. I grew up in fundamentalist churches, and not only would my parents have had to rationalize their own beliefs if I had been gay, they would have had to deal with the beliefs of their church. If someone came out, unless they were properly repentant, and had a testimony of how God "delivered" them, they would be ostracized, excluded and possibly dis-fellowshipped in short order. It is ok to say you were gay, but God fixed you, but actually being gay right now? Can't have that! Church "discipline", you know? And if the parents tried to support or defend their child, they too would be "disciplined". Not only are the parents struggling to come to terms with their own beliefs, but they run the risk of losing their own support network, sometimes including other family members!
It is a nice reminder that there are Christian communities and traditions that do not shut out homosexuals or relegate them to second class people.
There is an awesome documentary on this called "For The Bible Tells Me So." Some of these parents believe gay people are predators looking to convert others in the home and that is part of the shunning. They don't want anyone else to "catch" the gay. Even some of the more liberal parents have a rough time actually seeing their child be affectionate with a same-sex partner.
It is precisely because of this problem that my husband and I will be marching in Salt Lake City's pride parade this coming Sunday. Yup, you heard that right. Katzpur's marching in a pride parade. We will be marching with 400-500 other practicing Mormons (most of us will be skipping church for the event) as part of a group called "Mormons Building Bridges." This parade is a big one, and is part of other weekend-long LGBT festivities. Mormons Building Bridges doesn't really have any agenda other than trying to spread a message of love and acceptance so that young LGBT people know that there are straight people out there (even Mormon families) who are not judging them and who aren't saying that they are not deserving to be part of a loving family unit. Progress often comes in baby steps, but it's better than nothing.
I cannot rep you any more, but good on ya! I absolutely love to see examples of people pushing beyond the traditional restrictions of religion, to love and support others. It is a beautiful thing, and for what it is worth, it does my heart good.
I cannot rep you any more, but good on ya! I absolutely love to see examples of people pushing beyond the traditional restrictions of religion, to love and support others. It is a beautiful thing, and for what it is worth, it does my heart good.
-NoCapo
+1 here, Katz ...
I'm curious though in view of the Law of Chastity what you're really affirming here. As I understand it, Mormonism's official position on the matter is not substantively different from Christian fundamentalism, viz., gays are not allowed to have gay sex or marry a gay partner. I think it's still terrific that you're affirming that homosexuals should be treated well and not harassed or tormented for having "gay feelings" but at the same time if you're not going to tick off your church leadership by participating in the parade you can't be affirming marriage equality or disavowing "pray the gay away" or some similar curative, either.
Or have things changed at the grassroots enough that there's a dichotomy between dogma and practice?
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Yup, you heard that right. Katzpur's marching in a pride parade. We will be marching with 400-500 other practicing Mormons (most of us will be skipping church for the event) as part of a group called "Mormons Building Bridges." This parade is a big one, and is part of other weekend-long LGBT festivities. Mormons Building Bridges doesn't really have any agenda other than trying to spread a message of love and acceptance so that young LGBT people know that there are straight people out there (even Mormon families) who are not judging them and who aren't saying that they are not deserving to be part of a loving family unit. Progress often comes in baby steps, but it's better than nothing.
