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This is real. I wasn't try to make a point about praying away the gay being ridiculous. I am sincere in wanting to change.
I sincerely apologize for reading your post differently than you meant it, then. And I'm horribly sorry that you've been made to feel that way. If you were someone who I knew in real life telling me this, I would tell you that I had no business in the past thinking that I spoke for God when I said being gay was wrong or sinful, and how sorry I am for any part I played in making you feel the way you do. I was wrong. Horribly wrong.
I hope you can learn to tune out the voices that tell you that you are anything less than precious to God. And the ones that tell you that a God who is love, as the bible says, would condemn someone to an eternity in torment. That is such a warped view of what love is, how could anyone who believes such a thing speak with any authority at all about who YOU should love?
I have been struggling to be celibate. I had sex with someone a couple of months ago but have been trying not to have sex since
I don't know you. I don't know what kind of faith you have, or if you have a faith. But I can tell you that I know of many people just like you that struggle with sexual sin. Without Christ you will not win the battle. I don't care if it's same sex or hetero...it will be a struggle. You need to depend on God for help in the struggle. Is God going to remove the homosexual temptation? Maybe. But I see people struggling daily with hetero temptations. Your calling is to obey God regardless of what gender you're attracted to.
So then, as a gay man, why are you not now celibate? Perhaps I'm missing something, but you seem to imply you're not.
I would suggest that perhaps you that's the place to start -- by seeking God's will where you are.
I abided by celibacy when I was a fundamentlist in my teens, twenties, etc., and can state truthfully that I've never had sex outside of marriage. However I have never been possessed of much of a sex drive either. And I can't say that there was any percentage in being such a good boy. My life played out no differently than anyone else's and quite a bit worse than some people who were drunken sots who slept around. One of my best friends is still married to his first wife, who adores him, as do his two adult children, both of whom are gainfully employed and engaged in society. Yet he was a Big Man On Campus in college, a real party animal and ladies' man. On the other hand Mr. Upright himself here is telling you that I'm on wife #3, one of my kids will never properly launch, etc. Life is not some kind of candy machine where you input X and invariably get Y. So what is the point of obsessing over being correct by someone else's contrived standards of correctness as if it's going to actually matter? And why manufacture afterlife narratives to compensate for the obvious fact that it doesn't matter? Just to be controlling, I'll wager.
For every fundamentalist who will advise abstinence there are four or five liberals who will tell you the truth: it won't matter all that much either way -- in this life or any other. God, unlike some evangelicals, is not obsessed about how you express your sexuality. He's not a voyeur. It's just that some people are controlling voyeurs and project that on their beliefs about god.
I sense in the OP a desire to do the Right Thing, and trust me, I empathize with that. It was what I cared most about when I was in the faith, and it's how the faith informed my life and practice: it told me what to do to such that I'd do it right in god's eyes. But I came to realize that there is no immutable one size fits all "rightness" to be had, no real feedback or help from god to support literalist scriptural interpretations. And no correspondence between literalist dogma and actual reality.
The world is much bigger that the intellectual ghetto that you were raised in, OP. You are tying your own hands. And it will end badly. As one of the other posters warned, the self loathing can only go so far before you can't take it anymore. Please broaden your horizons before they collapse inward on you. Please.
I abided by celibacy when I was a fundamentlist in my teens, twenties, etc., and can state truthfully that I've never had sex outside of marriage. However I have never been possessed of much of a sex drive either. And I can't say that there was any percentage in being such a good boy. My life played out no differently than anyone else's and quite a bit worse than some people who were drunken sots who slept around. One of my best friends is still married to his first wife, who adores him, as do his two adult children, both of whom are gainfully employed and engaged in society. Yet he was a Big Man On Campus in college, a real party animal and ladies' man. On the other hand Mr. Upright himself here is telling you that I'm on wife #3, one of my kids will never properly launch, etc. Life is not some kind of candy machine where you input X and invariably get Y. So what is the point of obsessing over being correct by someone else's contrived standards of correctness as if it's going to actually matter? And why manufacture afterlife narratives to compensate for the obvious fact that it doesn't matter? Just to be controlling, I'll wager.
I fully realize that. I don't mean to imply that by simply being "good little Christians" all will be good.
Quote:
For every fundamentalist who will advise abstinence there are four or five liberals who will tell you the truth: it won't matter all that much either way -- in this life or any other. God, unlike some evangelicals, is not obsessed about how you express your sexuality. He's not a voyeur. It's just that some people are controlling voyeurs and project that on their beliefs about god.
I'm not suggesting abstinence "works" to do anything. I'm saying that our attitude toward it can often be an indicator of our desire to please God.
Quote:
I sense in the OP a desire to do the Right Thing, and trust me, I empathize with that. It was what I cared most about when I was in the faith, and it's how the faith informed my life and practice: it told me what to do to such that I'd do it right in god's eyes. But I came to realize that there is no immutable one size fits all "rightness" to be had, no real feedback or help from god to support literalist scriptural interpretations. And no correspondence between literalist dogma and actual reality.
The world is much bigger that the intellectual ghetto that you were raised in, OP. You are tying your own hands. And it will end badly. As one of the other posters warned, the self loathing can only go so far before you can't take it anymore. Please broaden your horizons before they collapse inward on you. Please.
Please take a look at my last response to the OP. I realize life is a struggle. I get that. I'm not suggesting that it's as simple as 1-2-3, we all obey God and live happily ever after. We're human beings. Maybe sex isn't your sin...maybe it's something else. For him, it certainly seems to be the issue, though.
I just don't understand why God even allows homosexuality to exist if it is something that he hates so much. God is supposed to be almighty. Why can't God make everyone have attraction to the opposite sex so they don't have to worry about going to hell? I cannot control the fact that being with the same sex is what makes me happy. I wish I could just be with a woman (im a male) and just be happy but I can't . I pray for God to take away my same sex attraction so I don't feel the need to act on it, but he hasn't taken it away and I have been praying for a long time. Every day I can't even enjoy life because I am scared as hell of hell. Even if God turns me straight , most women aren't going to want to be with a man with a homosexual past. I feel like I am screwed. I am so jealous of straight people because they are the norm and get to have the blessing of their family when choosing a partner for marriage and get to have kids the natural way . It must be nice if you are straight, not having to worry about God sending you to hell for who you are.
If you have successfully gotten out of the gay/bi lifestyle to become straight and you are happy, please help me to do what you have done.
The ways of God are not done as an incantation,
He meets the need on a personal level.
The conflict with in you is due to fear and loneliness , neither are something God inspires.
Repentence is turning from self govern to desperately seeking God's govern.
Jesus said , blessed are they that do hunger and thirst after righteousness,for they shall be filled.
So you see it is not casual nor a one shot thing, but a life style change of feeling the need to please God over men, or self.
Needing Jesus to make the introduction of the Holy Spirit in your life so you can have fellowship with God . and those problems then can be dealt with from His perspective more effectively.
David said ," Delight thy self in the Lord and he will give you the desires of you heart"
and again ," Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding,1 and in all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct they path ."
But He will not do these things in you with out Jesus, and with out the Holy Spirit in your life.
Don't focus on your simptom, the problem is the relationship, and when that is right God can help you with what is bothering you.
I don't know you. I don't know what kind of faith you have, or if you have a faith. But I can tell you that I know of many people just like you that struggle with sexual sin. Without Christ you will not win the battle. I don't care if it's same sex or hetero...it will be a struggle. You need to depend on God for help in the struggle. Is God going to remove the homosexual temptation? Maybe. But I see people struggling daily with hetero temptations. Your calling is to obey God regardless of what gender you're attracted to.
If you were straight, would you be celibate? Would you be willing to live by God's rules? Suppose God were to remove all same sex attraction tomorrow.....would you then wait till marriage to have sex again? It's not just homosexuality that God has condemned,but all extra-marital sex.
This post just makes me sad. I'm gay and was raised religious, so I can relate a little bit.
OP, you're gay. You're always going to be attracted to guys no matter how much praying or self-loathing you do. God isn't giving you some grand test (that'd be one sick God in my opinion). You're just gay. You know deep down that this is true. Here's the thing: there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I know religion tells you that it's bad, but it's a natural and normal variation of human sexuality.
I'm not telling you to ditch your faith, but you should really study the scriptures around homosexuality and interpretations of the Bible in general. The path you're going down now isn't sustainable. Hating yourself for who you are isn't healthy. Being gay will never change, but your outlook on religion can.
I realize you're probably just going to dismiss my reply since you're only responding to people saying what you're looking to hear, but analyzing why you believe being gay so wrong is something I would highly recommend that you do. Look at the scriptures and read different viewpoints on the context of them. Also, think of things from a nonreligious standpoint. Is your same-sex attraction actually dirty and harmful?? No. You said it yourself, it makes you happy. Love is one of the greatest things in the world. Don't shut it out.
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