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Old 07-29-2015, 07:08 PM
 
Location: New Zealand
1,423 posts, read 711,787 times
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Jesus At Bath Time – Comic | WeKnowMemes
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Old 08-02-2015, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Northeastern US
14,070 posts, read 8,569,500 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rotagivan View Post
And I thought I had challenges raising kids.
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Old 08-02-2015, 01:41 PM
 
Location: East Coast
30,206 posts, read 19,986,915 times
Reputation: 2107
A man walks up to the pub and is about to go into it when the nun starts shouting. "BEFORE YOU ENTER THIS DEN OF SIN, THINK OF YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER!"
He said back to the nun. "They're dead, they're dead and in heaven"
The nun went for a different tack and said. "Think then! Think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain!"
"What? Whatever are ye talking about? Have you ever had a drink?"
And the nun said no.
"Well how the hell can you stand there and talk about the damage the alcohol is gonna do to your brain if ye never had it? I tell ye what, I'll go in there, buy ye a drink, take it out here, you can try it and if you don't like THEN ye can talk about it. But don't talk about things ye've never experienced. What will ye have?"
And the nun says. "I don't know, what do ladies drink?"
"Gin"
and she says "Alright I'll have a gin. But get it in a cup so nobody will notice."
The fella goes into the bar and says to the barman "Get us a pint of beer and a double gin in a cup."
The barman replies "Ah fer christ's sake is that bloody nun out there again?
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Old 08-02-2015, 02:05 PM
 
Location: Florida
18,294 posts, read 18,556,035 times
Reputation: 20996
Quote:
Originally Posted by pcamps View Post
The barman replies "Ah fer christ's sake is that bloody nun out there again?

I'm a hard sell but this one did make me LOL.
(Or maybe it's because of the gin sitting here)
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Old 08-02-2015, 02:20 PM
 
2,269 posts, read 2,216,071 times
Reputation: 2637
Quote:
Originally Posted by pcamps View Post
A man walks up to the pub and is about to go into it when the nun starts shouting. "BEFORE YOU ENTER THIS DEN OF SIN, THINK OF YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR FATHER!"
He said back to the nun. "They're dead, they're dead and in heaven"
The nun went for a different tack and said. "Think then! Think of the damage the alcohol will do to your brain!"
"What? Whatever are ye talking about? Have you ever had a drink?"
And the nun said no.
"Well how the hell can you stand there and talk about the damage the alcohol is gonna do to your brain if ye never had it? I tell ye what, I'll go in there, buy ye a drink, take it out here, you can try it and if you don't like THEN ye can talk about it. But don't talk about things ye've never experienced. What will ye have?"
And the nun says. "I don't know, what do ladies drink?"
"Gin"
and she says "Alright I'll have a gin. But get it in a cup so nobody will notice."
The fella goes into the bar and says to the barman "Get us a pint of beer and a double gin in a cup."
The barman replies "Ah fer christ's sake is that bloody nun out there again?
And the bar patron buying her a drink, not suspecting her scam, was "nun" the wiser. <-- GET IT? "NUN" THE WISER <-------> "NONE" THE WISER

A lame attempt at a pun.
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Old 08-02-2015, 02:24 PM
 
Location: East Coast
30,206 posts, read 19,986,915 times
Reputation: 2107
Quote:
Originally Posted by UsAll View Post
and the bar patron buying her a drink, not suspecting her scam, was "nun" the wiser. <-- GET IT? "NUN" THE WISER <-------> "NONE" THE WISER

A lame attempt at a pun.
or maybe budwiser.
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Old 08-02-2015, 02:24 PM
 
Location: Venus
4,264 posts, read 2,805,752 times
Reputation: 6804
Quote:
Originally Posted by UsAll View Post
and the bar patron buying her a drink, not suspecting her scam, was "nun" the wiser. <-- GET IT? "NUN" THE WISER <-------> "NONE" THE WISER

A lame attempt at a pun.

Maybe neither one will have nun of this or nun of that.



Cat
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Old 08-02-2015, 02:26 PM
 
2,269 posts, read 2,216,071 times
Reputation: 2637
I told my Jewish mother years ago that I had become a Christian (though not any longer so). She exclaimed "Oy!!! I've got to speak to a rabbi !!!". I was going to respond with "That's great!!! Hey Jesus, my mother wants to speak to you."


I passed a street preacher in the street, who exclaimed out loud to me "Jesus saves!" I said to him "Gee, I admire that. I haven't been able to save much the past number of years. Tell me, what interest rate does he earn?"


I looked into Eastern religions and philosophy but found it all to be too much of a hinduance to my lifestyle. <-- GET IT? HINDRANCE <---------> HINDUANCE

Last edited by UsAll; 08-02-2015 at 02:36 PM..
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Old 08-20-2015, 09:14 AM
 
Location: Florida
18,294 posts, read 18,556,035 times
Reputation: 20996
I'm feeling mean today so I'm sharing with you what was inflicted on me.

Q: The ark's top-story windows opened to the sky for light and air. How did Noah get light to the dark recesses of the ark?
A: He used floodlights.

Q: Who was the wealthiest male financier in the Bible?
A: Noah. He was floating his stock while everybody else was in liquidation.
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Old 08-25-2015, 07:43 AM
 
Location: Nottingham
9 posts, read 5,951 times
Reputation: 12
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned To her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike Up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total Stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, Or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask You a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same Stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns Out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, Thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which The little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know ****?"


Sorry about the language at the end!
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