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Old 01-09-2017, 07:33 AM
 
Location: US
26,874 posts, read 14,268,147 times
Reputation: 1645

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rafius View Post
40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates.


St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. " Dude, I've got 40 gypsies here. Can I let them in?"

God says "We are over quota on gypsies . Go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in."

Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again. "Dude!They've gone.", he tells God.

"What?" says God, "All 40 of them?"

"No!", says Peter......"the bloody gates".
That's funny...
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Old 01-09-2017, 10:35 AM
 
Location: On the brink of WWIII
20,973 posts, read 23,117,613 times
Reputation: 7797
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rafius View Post
40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates.


St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. " Dude, I've got 40 gypsies here. Can I let them in?"

God says "We are over quota on gypsies . Go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in."

Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again. "Dude!They've gone.", he tells God.

"What?" says God, "All 40 of them?"

"No!", says Peter......"the bloody gates".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard1965 View Post
That's funny...
Hey, wait a minute, my family resembles that remark...
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Old 01-09-2017, 01:18 PM
 
10,066 posts, read 14,380,802 times
Reputation: 11047
Religious jokes, aye...
On a serious note:
"Dearest Dada Bhagwan! Give me infinite inner strength not to hurt, cause someone to hurt, nor encourage anyone to hurt even to the slightest extent, the foundation of any religion. Give me infinite strength not to hurt, even to the slightest extent, the foundation of any religion and give me the strength to conduct my speech, thoughts, and actions in a manner that is accepted by all."
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Old 01-09-2017, 01:19 PM
 
Location: Southern Oregon
2,849 posts, read 4,078,200 times
Reputation: 3047
After the Romans put Jesus on the cross, Jesus looked down and saw John at the foot of the hill. Jesus says, "John, come here", John, knowing that his Lord had one more thing to pass on to him, started up the hill and almost at the top the Roman soldiers pushed him back down the hill. Again Jesus says, "John, come here", and again John started up the hill and had the same results. Again Jesus says, "John, John, come here", this time John was determined to get to the foot of the cross, he put all his will and energy into it, at the foot of the cross John looks up at Jesus and says, "Yes, my Lord, I'm here, what is it you want to tell me", Jesus replied, "John, I can see your house from here".
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Old 01-09-2017, 07:02 PM
 
Location: Rutherfordton,NC
12,589 posts, read 8,355,146 times
Reputation: 8882
A Pagan goes to a wizard and asks him if he can remove a curse that's he's lived with the last 40 years.


The Wizard, says maybe, but you'll have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.


The old man says with out hesitation, " I pronounce you man & wife."


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Old 01-13-2017, 07:49 PM
 
Location: East Coast
30,835 posts, read 20,313,728 times
Reputation: 2158
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his pack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light on and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,

"Jesus is watching you." Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?", he hissed at the parrot.

"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird.

"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people would name a bird Moses?"

"The kind of people that would name a Rottweiller Jesus."
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Old 01-23-2017, 12:50 PM
 
103 posts, read 28,510 times
Reputation: 73
So Hitler is out riding with a group of people when suddenly his horse bolts, runs a couple of miles from the group and throws him to the ground. All this is happening in a forest.
Hitler is alone on the ground when along comes a Jew who helps Hitler back to his group.
Hitler says to the Jew, "I know you are a Jew, but you have saved my life, so ask me anything you want".
The Jew replies, "Really, anything?",
"Yes, absolutely anything", says Hitler
So the Jew says "Please don't tell anyone".
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Old 01-25-2017, 01:27 AM
 
Location: Valencia, Spain
14,034 posts, read 9,811,323 times
Reputation: 2447
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Old 01-26-2017, 11:50 AM
 
Location: North by Northwest
7,427 posts, read 9,559,327 times
Reputation: 4638
Not many will get this, but oh well:

If you drive a Ford, it's Yum Kipper.

If you drive a Cadillac, it's Yohm Kapoor.

And if you drive a Rolls Royce, it's Christmas!
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Old 01-28-2017, 11:01 AM
 
2,330 posts, read 2,277,174 times
Reputation: 2710
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElijahAstin View Post
Not many will get this, but oh well:

If you drive a Ford, it's Yum Kipper.

If you drive a Cadillac, it's Yohm Kapoor.

And if you drive a Rolls Royce, it's Christmas!
You're right. I don't get it at all. Perhaps you can explain it to all us readers.
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