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Got a call from a friend from my church today. I haven't been in several months and haven't been faithfully since the SCOTUS decision on gay marriage. I just feel better about myself since I've quit going to church. Why?
First of all, I am a closeted gay man and the shame and self-loathing that comes from being a part of a homophobic community is too much to deal with, especially since the SCOTUS decision. Jesus loves me, but not only can I never experience love in my life, people like me are America's biggest moral problem and the reason for every tornado, hurricane, economic collapse, or anything else bad that happens to this country. I have the option of remaining celibate for life or getting reparative therapy to become heterosexual, which I've tried twice and failed at. Being under that kind of pressure has been a cause of severe depression for a long time. Even though I am still closeted and not actively seeking a relationship, being away from church allows me to not have to think about same-sex attraction and it allows me to not feel the shame and self-hatred for experiencing it. It allows me to not feel inferior or like I am failing at life because I am 30 and not married with school-age children. Being away from church has been very free-ing.
Secondly, it's been nice to be away from the broader group think. It's been nice to be away from the persecution complex as well as being obligated to like Christian cinema and contemporary Christian music. It's been nice to not have to worry about the movies I watch or the language I use or how many beers I drink on Friday night. It's been freeing to not have to constantly worry about my image everywhere I go, though if I see somebody from church I will still snap-back to my good, evangelical churchgoing self.
Lastly, there is a lot I just don't believe. I don't believe in young-earth creationism, a literal Noah's flood, or that Jonah literally survived in the belly of a whale for 3 days. I don't believe in tongues and the gift of prophecy or being drunk in the spirit and think that its a lot of people just letting themselves drown in their own emotions and they think God is speaking to them. Honestly, right now I don't know what I believe. I can't bring myself to call myself atheist or agnostic, but I am not as sure of the literal truth of Christianity as I once was. For the last year that I went, it was more for social reasons than it was because I actually believed everything anyways.
However, my friend tells me that despite my doubt and despite not wanting to go to church that I should go anyways because that is when I need to be there the most. The thing is, the church was the cause of severe depression in my life for three years and my own psychological defense mechanism says RUN. If you were in my situation, would you go back to church? Why or why not?
Last edited by bawac34618; 03-30-2016 at 06:30 PM..
You have on many threads expressed your frustration with the conservative religious nature of Oklahoma (where we both live). However, we DO have options for you. If you choose to continue to be a believer at some level the Unitarian Universalist or the Mayflower Congressional United Church of Christ with pastor Robin Meyers might suit you.
However, if you are willing to explore, Oklahoma City has one of the most robust Atheist groups in the World. That's right. The World. There is also a number of strong Humanist organizations in the OKC area.
The OK Freethought Convention will be held in Tulsa on June 20th. You should check it out.
However, my friend tells me that despite my doubt and despite not wanting to go to church that I should go anyways because that is when I need to be there the most. The thing is, the church was the cause of severe depression in my life for three years and my own psychological defense mechanism says RUN. If you were in my situation, would you go back to church? Why or why not?
Not in a thousand years.
Why would you want to be a member of a religious organization that doesn't want you to be as your God made you?
More and more churches are welcoming of gays. I hope you can find one. That way, perhaps you can reconcile your faith with your identity.
However, my friend tells me that despite my doubt and despite not wanting to go to church that I should go anyways because that is when I need to be there the most. The thing is, the church was the cause of severe depression in my life for three years and my own psychological defense mechanism says RUN. If you were in my situation, would you go back to church? Why or why not?
Absolutely not.
You laid out the reasons why not in that part of your post that I deleted. Listen to yourself.
Your friend is telling you what works for him. That's OK. It obviously hasn't worked for you.
If you go back to church, it should only be because you really want to, for whatever reason, and not to please anyone else.
However, my friend tells me that despite my doubt and despite not wanting to go to church that I should go anyways because that is when I need to be there the most. The thing is, the church was the cause of severe depression in my life for three years and my own psychological defense mechanism says RUN. If you were in my situation, would you go back to church? Why or why not?
I'm hesitant in advising you on the grounds that I am likely to have a biased opinion. I'm an atheist. My base instinct is to tell you RUN! Why? Because I think religion is a load of man made BS. But do I have the right to advise you such? OK, it's not my place to suggest what you should or shouldn't believe.
If I may ask, are you a spiritual person? I mean spiritual. Nothing to do with religion or belief in the supernatural or life after death or what ever.
Your story is so similar to the stories many of those joining our church tell. Many tell of the depression stemming first from being marginalized as a person by the church they were born into, and then tell of the depression stemming from the loss of religious community and church family once they detached from that church. Converts are the majority in our church because so many are seeking connection with others who are searching for meaning but for one reason or another are repelled by that offered by the churches they've attended when they were younger.
The first principle of Unitarian Universalism is the affirmation and promotion of the worth and dignity of every person. It is out-of-covenant (code for "immoral") to judge people based on skin color, gender identity, sexual orientation, national origin, etc. God is about love, not hate; truth is about justice, not dogma; meaning is that which sings in your heart, not that which you're ordered to believe.
By the same token, there is a kind of freedom in being alone. Just know that when you've had your fill and need a place to be which will support you in your own search for truth and meaning rather than direct you down their path, there are churches (and not just ours) that will be there to welcome you.
Got a call from a friend from my church today. I haven't been in several months and haven't been faithfully since the SCOTUS decision on gay marriage. I just feel better about myself since I've quit going to church. Why?
First of all, I am a closeted gay man and the shame and self-loathing that comes from being a part of a homophobic community is too much to deal with, especially since the SCOTUS decision. Jesus loves me, but not only can I never experience love in my life, people like me are America's biggest moral problem and the reason for every tornado, hurricane, economic collapse, or anything else bad that happens to this country. I have the option of remaining celibate for life or getting reparative therapy to become heterosexual, which I've tried twice and failed at. Being under that kind of pressure has been a cause of severe depression for a long time. Even though I am still closeted and not actively seeking a relationship, being away from church allows me to not have to think about same-sex attraction and it allows me to not feel the shame and self-hatred for experiencing it. It allows me to not feel inferior or like I am failing at life because I am 30 and not married with school-age children. Being away from church has been very free-ing.
Secondly, it's been nice to be away from the broader group think. It's been nice to be away from the persecution complex as well as being obligated to like Christian cinema and contemporary Christian music. It's been nice to not have to worry about the movies I watch or the language I use or how many beers I drink on Friday night. It's been freeing to not have to constantly worry about my image everywhere I go, though if I see somebody from church I will still snap-back to my good, evangelical churchgoing self.
Lastly, there is a lot I just don't believe. I don't believe in young-earth creationism, a literal Noah's flood, or that Jonah literally survived in the belly of a whale for 3 days. I don't believe in tongues and the gift of prophecy or being drunk in the spirit and think that its a lot of people just letting themselves drown in their own emotions and they think God is speaking to them. Honestly, right now I don't know what I believe. I can't bring myself to call myself atheist or agnostic, but I am not as sure of the literal truth of Christianity as I once was. For the last year that I went, it was more for social reasons than it was because I actually believed everything anyways.
However, my friend tells me that despite my doubt and despite not wanting to go to church that I should go anyways because that is when I need to be there the most. The thing is, the church was the cause of severe depression in my life for three years and my own psychological defense mechanism says RUN. If you were in my situation, would you go back to church? Why or why not?
You need to keep telling yourself there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay, it is as normal as being straight. Only evil bigots would think it is wrong to be gay and have a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex. Jesus could have been gay he apparently had a disciple whom he loved.
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