Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I am a 22 year old, Roman Catholic man, and have been Catholic for as long as I can remember. I have never been a cultural Catholic. I attend Mass on every Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation, I observe the Lenten fasts, I pray every night before bed and I serve as an Extraordinary Minister at my parish. I have attended my parish since I was 10 years old, I know everybody there super well, and I have always been close with my priest because he’s been at the parish as long as I have.
Unfortunately, my life and faith have taken quite a turn in the past year. I had a dream one night last year that led me to realize I am not straight, but very much bi, and since then, my views on sexuality and sex (with guys and girls) has completely turned around. I used to follow the sexual rules religiously. I have not masturbated one time in my entire life. I had a girlfriend for 3.5 months when I was 18, and I had fallen away from the Church at that time, so we had sexual intercourse one time and did sexual things regularly, and it was amazing. I have not been on a single date in my life besides when I was with her or had sex with anybody, and now it’s like an avalanche. Some days it’s ok, and other days, all I can think about are having sex with somebody, how amazing it would be to feel that connection again that I just can’t get from family and friends. My views on sexuality have just completely diverted from the Catholic Church now, and it has caused me a great source of distress. As far as I know, I am not exclusively gay, just bisexual, but I do not feel that a person who is exclusively attracted to the same sex deserves to live a lonely, sexless life and drive themselves crazy, sometimes to suicide, trying to repress their very normal urges. I have thought about going through the motions and meeting a girl in my parish’s youth ministry group, hoping that I’ll be able to be satisfied with just being in a relationship and doing nothing besides pecking on the cheek or lips once in a while. But I honestly do not think I would be ok with that. When I think of not having sex until marriage, which could be years from now, it gives me full blown anxiety attacks. The worst thing is, these anxiety attacks often happen in the pews on Sundays, to the point where (before COVID) the people next to me who held my hand during the Lord’s Prayer thought I was sick because my hand was so clammy and sticky for purely anxiety-related reasons. I would notice beautiful people in the church and I just couldn’t handle the thought of not physically connecting with another person in that way and the fact that it was completely out of my control.
I don’t want to feel this way at all. I want to be completely opposed to the idea of any sex outside of marriage or outside of procreation, but I just can’t be. Despite educating myself on my Church’s teachings, I don’t want to have children, and I don’t believe I should be forced to deprive myself of the natural urge to connect with my girlfriend or wife in that way except for just a few days in one month. I don’t even think God would want anybody to torture themselves like this. I either need to leave the Church I’ve known and the people I’ve known for so long, or stay and deal with the opposition (and the hypocritical nature of giving out the Body of a Christ to my fellow parishioners while living a life contrary to the teachings of the Church I am in at the same time). But I know this is not healthy and not the way faith should feel.
My answer: Yes, taking a step back can give you some objectivity and clarity, and that can be for reasons other than the specific crossroad at which you find yourself. You are not the first person who has found themselves in this situation, and you won't be the last.
What I would suggest is that you find someone who has walked that path already. Others have managed to find ways to be true to themselves and closer to their God both. One does not have to sacrifice one for the other.
you can believe in something and not agree with your religion. Its ok. Its a god of your understanding. meaning, use what you know to describe what you don't know. I know many people that left the RCC but still believe. They actually think that what the RCC is doing is not what jesus would do.
I am a 22 year old, Roman Catholic man, and have been Catholic for as long as I can remember. I have never been a cultural Catholic. I attend Mass on every Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation, I observe the Lenten fasts, I pray every night before bed and I serve as an Extraordinary Minister at my parish. I have attended my parish since I was 10 years old, I know everybody there super well, and I have always been close with my priest because he’s been at the parish as long as I have.
Unfortunately, my life and faith have taken quite a turn in the past year. I had a dream one night last year that led me to realize I am not straight, but very much bi, and since then, my views on sexuality and sex (with guys and girls) has completely turned around. I used to follow the sexual rules religiously. I have not masturbated one time in my entire life. I had a girlfriend for 3.5 months when I was 18, and I had fallen away from the Church at that time, so we had sexual intercourse one time and did sexual things regularly, and it was amazing. I have not been on a single date in my life besides when I was with her or had sex with anybody, and now it’s like an avalanche. Some days it’s ok, and other days, all I can think about are having sex with somebody, how amazing it would be to feel that connection again that I just can’t get from family and friends. My views on sexuality have just completely diverted from the Catholic Church now, and it has caused me a great source of distress. As far as I know, I am not exclusively gay, just bisexual, but I do not feel that a person who is exclusively attracted to the same sex deserves to live a lonely, sexless life and drive themselves crazy, sometimes to suicide, trying to repress their very normal urges. I have thought about going through the motions and meeting a girl in my parish’s youth ministry group, hoping that I’ll be able to be satisfied with just being in a relationship and doing nothing besides pecking on the cheek or lips once in a while. But I honestly do not think I would be ok with that. When I think of not having sex until marriage, which could be years from now, it gives me full blown anxiety attacks. The worst thing is, these anxiety attacks often happen in the pews on Sundays, to the point where (before COVID) the people next to me who held my hand during the Lord’s Prayer thought I was sick because my hand was so clammy and sticky for purely anxiety-related reasons. I would notice beautiful people in the church and I just couldn’t handle the thought of not physically connecting with another person in that way and the fact that it was completely out of my control.
I don’t want to feel this way at all. I want to be completely opposed to the idea of any sex outside of marriage or outside of procreation, but I just can’t be. Despite educating myself on my Church’s teachings, I don’t want to have children, and I don’t believe I should be forced to deprive myself of the natural urge to connect with my girlfriend or wife in that way except for just a few days in one month. I don’t even think God would want anybody to torture themselves like this. I either need to leave the Church I’ve known and the people I’ve known for so long, or stay and deal with the opposition (and the hypocritical nature of giving out the Body of a Christ to my fellow parishioners while living a life contrary to the teachings of the Church I am in at the same time). But I know this is not healthy and not the way faith should feel.
You've got a couple things going on here. I will speak straight, but I am not in any way trying to be harsh or mean. You're a human being that deserves love and respect.
1. Yes. Sex outside of marriage is sinful. Homosexual, or heterosexual. Gay or straight.
2. You mention your Catholicism, but you didn't really talk about Jesus. If you're Catholic for the sake of being Catholic, you won't find joy and peace in Jesus. I'd say the same to a Baptist, or any other denomination. If Catholicism is just a church to you and you don't find any real peace or joy in it, then yes, I'd say to back out of it for a time and take stock of things.
Having said all that, I'd personally suggest finding a good Baptist Church, or Bible Church, or E Free or something along that line to attend. Meet with the pastor. Talk it over. Be honest with him. If he's mean or rude, walk away. Go find one that is willing to talk.
You can simply for your life substantially by removing the church's control over you and your thinking. Free yourself of all the baggage. Keep it simple. Communicate directly with God. Get down to basics and clear your mind as to what you need to differently.
Conviction of things you shouldn't do is one thing (we all need that), but other unnecessary wrangling and manipulation isn't needed.
Yes, take a big step back from it, or many steps. Maybe even run.
Last edited by Thoreau424; 10-07-2020 at 09:01 AM..
Taking a step back is simply thinking. Always a good thing to do from time to time.
Not taking a step back is like the 2,340 times you said the Pledge Of Allegiance when growing up. After a while, you just said it without even thinking about it.
You can simply for your life substantially by removing the church's control over you and your thinking. Free yourself of all the baggage. Keep it simple. Communicate directly with God. Get down to basics and clear your mind as to what you need to differently.
Conviction of things you shouldn't do is one thing (we all need that), but other unnecessary wrangling and manipulation isn't needed.
Yes, take a big step back from it, or many steps. Maybe even run.
You can simply for your life substantially by removing the church's control over you and your thinking. Free yourself of all the baggage. Keep it simple. Communicate directly with God. Get down to basics and clear your mind as to what you need to differently.
Conviction of things you shouldn't do is one thing (we all need that), but other unnecessary wrangling and manipulation isn't needed.
Yes, take a big step back from it, or many steps. Maybe even run.
If one’s religion is an active source of distress in their life, should they consider taking a step back from it?
One should consider taking a step back whenever something is "an active source of distress in their life."
Taking time to assess situations is a good thing, if available. It leads to reasoned judgment as opposed to knee-jerk reaction.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
