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Old 10-08-2008, 06:04 AM
 
Location: Just a few miles outside of St. Louis
1,921 posts, read 5,168,424 times
Reputation: 1190

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I'm not even sure where to start, but I feel a need to say something. Some of you may know that my husband has been fighting cancer for a year, actually, over a year. He has fought a valiant fight, but we are coming to the end. His doctor had to give us the news on Monday that the cancer is spreading, and he has done all he can do. He cried as he shared this with us. One of those rare doctors who really "sees" his patients; a vering caring, compassionate man. We really don't have a specific timeline, as he is not one of those doctors who thinks he can nail something like this down, (when it really is such an individual thing), but he did say he didn't think it would be a long time; perhaps weeks, possibly even months, but I think that was stretching things for our benefit. He has started us with the hospice program. The admissions nurse came out yesterday, and the regular nurse will come out this morning.

As anyone knows, who has gone through this type of thing, (we went through this ourselves, some years ago, with DH's mother), it is extremely difficult to watch someone you love have to fight this disease and, ultimately, to lose it. Like anyone, you wish you could wave a magic wand, or give a magic potion that would put things right, but you know there comes a point where you have to accept that you have done all you can do. Suddenly, you have to switch gears, and find a way to make preparations, as best you can, to make a transition in your life, both the one who is leaving, and those will be left behind.

Sometimes, it gets very surreal, as you deal with such a thing happening in your life, even as you have to stroll a store aisle, looking for dish soap. The mundane collides with the harsh facts, and somehow you have to find a way to deal with both, at the same time. Your mind finds itself pushing into the future, "how will I deal with this", "what will I do about that"? You have to keep reminding yourself to deal with one day, indeed, one moment, at a time, because things can get so jumbled in your mind, you don't know which way to turn. You keep tying not just a single knot, but multiple ones, as you hang on with everything you have. One foot in front of the other, you have to keep walking, you have to stay on your feet.

I've been with my husband for all of my adult life, (since I was 19), and, God willing, I will have just a little more time...
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Old 10-08-2008, 08:25 AM
 
Location: In the North Idaho woods, still surrounded by terriers
2,178 posts, read 6,291,439 times
Reputation: 982
I saw my mother go through this when lung cancer took my father (they were married 50 years) and she and I had many talks about exactly what you have posted, so I can empathize somewhat. She "vented" with me, my sister and brother, and while we could not change things nor help in any physical way, I know she was finding relief and release by talking about her feelings through it all.

Then, when dad finally passed, we all felt a sense of immense relief...which, in turn, seemed to bring about feelings of guilt because we were relieved that he had passed and was no longer hurting. It's such a difficult and personal journey and everyone must walk that road in their own way...none of those ways is easy, but it almost always helps to talk about it. If it helps you to write about your feelings here, on CD, then you should definitely do that. I, too, am a writer and I can express myself and my feelings better with the written word than with the spoken word...so I really understand.

There is nothing anyone here can do to help you through this except to listen (read) and there are so many great people here who will do that. They will listen and allow you to vent, to mourn, to be frustrated or frightened or ultimately to feel relieved. I send you my love and my sympathy for what you are going through at this time.

Namaste
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Old 10-08-2008, 09:13 AM
 
7,780 posts, read 13,503,909 times
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CelticLady,

We're here for and with you. I can not imagine facing the things you have been facing and will face in the future. Sometimes I think I think about death too much. I think about my family, how much I love each one of them and how, one day, we will have to say goodbye to one another for a period of time.

It makes me very sad.

I've watched cancer take 3 of my family members and it's so hard to go through, but go through it we must. I do hope you've got some family and/or friends around you to help hold you up when you feel like you're falling. We love you and are certainly here for you if there's anything we can do. Your words strike very clear to me and if nothing else help me (and hopefully others) realize what I think is the second most valuable thing we could know:

Our time is short, make every second count and spend time with those you love.

God bless you, CL.
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Old 10-08-2008, 09:28 AM
 
Location: God's Country
21,641 posts, read 30,256,059 times
Reputation: 30179
My heart aches for the pain you feel right now. I will be lifting you and your husband up in prayer. God understands your heartache and you can take refuge in Him.
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Old 10-08-2008, 09:38 AM
Status: "Selling homes...." (set 20 days ago)
 
Location: Sarasota, Florida
3,412 posts, read 9,217,351 times
Reputation: 1993
I am very very sorry about what is happening, i can't say or do anything to help you in this difficult time. I also can't offer anything that might comfort you. But, i wish you to stay strong and enjoy every moment with your husband, it might seems like it gets closer to the end by the minute, so take your time to spend with him, go back to the past and remember all the good things you shared together. Probably the hardest thing is to accept and stop fighting.
Please take care.
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Old 10-08-2008, 10:53 AM
 
Location: Mississippi
6,715 posts, read 12,277,972 times
Reputation: 4279
CelticLady,

I'm very sorry for the trying times you are going through. While I don't suspect there's much I can say to truly put you at ease and comfort, I just want to say that for what it is worth that we're all here for you as you endure these times. I wish both you and your husband the best.

Regards,

GCSTroop
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Old 10-08-2008, 11:37 AM
 
3,086 posts, read 5,664,216 times
Reputation: 968
May you both feel God's presence near, CelticLady. I pray that He will reach down His healing hand.. if not in the healing of the physical body, then in healing of the heart and soul.

God bless you both!
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Old 10-08-2008, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Texas
4,346 posts, read 5,721,460 times
Reputation: 844
Paul's statement: "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed to us".

Byron's paraphrase: "The glory which will be revealed in us is so much greater than the suffering which we endure that, if weighed one against the other, the two don't even belong on the same scale."

Picture a scale with a gnat on one side and an elephant on the other.

Our love and prayers to you CL

- Byron
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Old 10-08-2008, 12:21 PM
 
2,955 posts, read 6,745,896 times
Reputation: 1928
Quote:
Originally Posted by CelticLady1 View Post
You have to keep reminding yourself to deal with one day, indeed, one moment, at a time, because things can get so jumbled in your mind, you don't know which way to turn. You keep tying not just a single knot, but multiple ones, as you hang on with everything you have. One foot in front of the other, you have to keep walking, you have to stay on your feet.
I quoted and bolded this because you already gave yourself the best advice. Keep your mind in the moment and your feet will naturally walk where you need them to go.
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Old 10-08-2008, 01:04 PM
 
Location: Log home in the Appalachians
10,513 posts, read 10,333,168 times
Reputation: 6870
Celticlady, I offer you and your dear husband my sincere sympathy over the news that you have been given, know that this hard road that you are about to take is one that some of us have taken already, in one form or another and also know that you will not travel this road alone, those of us that are here will be with you in spirit as well as your Creator, and we will be there at the hardest parts as well as the smooth parts of this road that you will be traveling. Take whatever time that you have with your loved one and make it quality time, time that will leave lasting memories that not only to you, but to your family. May the Creator always be with you.osay
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