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Old 02-14-2009, 11:04 PM
 
Location: Victoria, BC.
30,038 posts, read 30,688,375 times
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Lot and his daughters camp out in a cave for a while. The daughters get their "just and righteous" father drunk, have sexual intercourse with him, and each conceives and bears a son (wouldn't you know it!). Neither Lot nor his daughters are criticized here or anywhere else in the Bible. It's just another wholesome family values Bible story. What the Bible says about incest, family values, and fathers

Genesis 19:30-38

19:30 And Lot went up out of Zoar, and dwelt in the mountain, and his two daughters with him; for he feared to dwell in Zoar: and he dwelt in a cave, he and his two daughters. ()

19:31 And the firstborn said unto the younger, Our father is old, and there is not a man in the earth to come in unto us after the manner of all the earth:

19:32 Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

19:33 And they made their father drink wine that night: and the firstborn went in, and lay with her father; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

19:34 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the firstborn said unto the younger, Behold, I lay yesternight with my father: let us make him drink wine this night also; and go thou in, and lie with him, that we may preserve seed of our father.

19:35 And they made their father drink wine that night also: and the younger arose, and lay with him; and he perceived not when she lay down, nor when she arose.

19:36 Thus were both the daughters of Lot with child by their father.

19:37 And the first born bear a son, and called his name Moab: the same is the father of the Moabites unto this day.

19:38 And the younger, she also bears a son, and called his name Benammi: the same is the father of the children of Ammon unto this day.

 
Old 02-15-2009, 03:35 AM
 
29 posts, read 38,486 times
Reputation: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deguire View Post
I fixed that for you, ok?

The absurdity here, in my estimation, is not that he did what he did (as it was the custom of the day) but that at no point in the Old Testament did Bible god have much to say about these type of arrangements and ironically, so did the rules in those patriarchal societies. Somehow and somewhere along the line, the practice became "sinful" (having women on the side) and illegal (marrying more than one woman) in some places.
You're right, Jacob had the two sisters as wives. He married both because he longed for the younger but their father would not let him marry the younger without the older being married.

I was confused because Abraham also had the problem of his wife Sarah not being able to become pregnant, so he went after his concubine. It's God-approved extramarital sex all the same but my memory was wrongly combining the two characters. Thanks for the correction.

Last edited by theomegarage; 02-15-2009 at 03:54 AM..
 
Old 02-15-2009, 07:57 AM
 
Location: England
3,242 posts, read 3,022,401 times
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What it is is an absolute load of cobblers, verily.
 
Old 02-15-2009, 08:21 AM
 
995 posts, read 1,175,343 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theomegarage View Post
I was confused because Abraham also had the problem of his wife Sarah not being able to become pregnant, so he went after his concubine. It's God-approved extramarital sex all the same but my memory was wrongly combining the two characters. Thanks for the correction.
Ahem...at least get it right. Abraham married Hagar the egyptian. She then bore him his 1st son Ishamel. No hanky panky affairs
 
Old 02-15-2009, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Western Cary, NC
4,349 posts, read 6,489,630 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ParkTwain View Post
From the Skeptic's Annotated Bible website:
SAB, Absurdities


Did you know that God once struck down the entire town of Ashdod with hemorrhoids? (1 Samuel 5:6-12)
To elaborate:
Five Golden Emerods
Boy would I love to have the franchise for Prep H in that town. Not really surprised to see a hemorrhoid problem. The Christian religion has been a pain in that body area for at least the last 2000 years.
 
Old 02-15-2009, 11:06 AM
 
Location: LAT: 40.77 LON: 73.98
604 posts, read 961,733 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theomegarage View Post
You're right, Jacob had the two sisters as wives. He married both because he longed for the younger but their father would not let him marry the younger without the older being married.

I was confused because Abraham also had the problem of his wife Sarah not being able to become pregnant, so he went after his concubine. It's God-approved extramarital sex all the same but my memory was wrongly combining the two characters. Thanks for the correction.
Not a problem at all!
 
Old 02-15-2009, 11:09 AM
 
Location: LAT: 40.77 LON: 73.98
604 posts, read 961,733 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cncracer View Post
boy would i love to have the franchise for prep h in that town. Not really surprised to see a hemorrhoid problem. The christian religion has been a pain in that body area for at least the last 2000 years.
Too funny!
 
Old 02-15-2009, 11:14 AM
 
Location: LAT: 40.77 LON: 73.98
604 posts, read 961,733 times
Reputation: 142
Quote:
Originally Posted by braderjoe View Post
Ahem...at least get it right. Abraham married Hagar the egyptian. She then bore him his 1st son Ishamel. No hanky panky affairs
Yeah, Sarai handed over another woman for Abraham to knock up. Where the hell are these women nowadays? You know, I wouldn't be too surprised Abram was already milking that cow long before his sister/wife handed her over to him. What I find amusing about the story is that Abraham just went along with the plan - no protest whatsoever. Which guy wouldn't? I heard those Egyptian women were hot!
 
Old 02-15-2009, 01:11 PM
 
29 posts, read 38,486 times
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This story exemplifies one concept I have always found absurd in the bible: God commands death for the tiniest of infractions.

Numbers 15:32-36 While the Israelites were in the desert, a man was found gathering wood on the Sabbath day. Those who found him gathering wood brought him to Moses and Aaron and the whole assembly, and they kept him in custody, because it was not clear what should be done to him. Then the LORD said to Moses, "The man must die. The whole assembly must stone him outside the camp." So the assembly took him outside the camp and stoned him to death, as the LORD commanded Moses.

Maybe the guy was cold, and needed to make a fire. Maybe he had OCD and can't help but pick up sticks. But, no need to pick up sticks when your brain is being crushed by stones. The lord has spoken.
 
Old 02-15-2009, 01:34 PM
 
Location: LAT: 40.77 LON: 73.98
604 posts, read 961,733 times
Reputation: 142
I contributed this once upon a time. Added a little humor to it but it sure falls into the "absurd" category.
================================================== ======
So the Israelites are going around kicking ass, methodically wiping out the Canaanite scum from the face of the earth at the command of the Lord (at least that's what they tell us). They had just finished beating up on Jericho and got a hooker (Rahab) out of it.

Their next target was the tiny city of Ai but they got their asses handed to them and lost 36 men. Something went terribly wrong because defeat was not supposed to happen because the Lord was on their side (at least that's what they tell us). Well it turns out that the reason for this is because some dude by the name of Achan took some 'accursed thing' and God became pissed off with everybody because of this. This shouldn't surprise us, however. It's biblegod's M.O. Interestingly enough, he apparently knows this, but doesn't care to drop this little bit of information on his right hand man, Joshua. So Joshua sends out his men to Ai and they meet defeat.

Joshua then hits the dirt and inquires of the Lord about the defeat. Biblegod then reveals to Joshua (a little late don't ya think?) that 'Israel hath sinned' by pocketing 'the accursed thing' (we read about this 'accursed thing' from chapter 6 and still are not told what the hell it is) and some of the loot from Jericho. Biblegod then tells him that he is not going to support them anymore until they remove the accursed thing. All this time, the big guy does not reveal who the culprit is, only generalizing that ALL Israel was guilty.

Biblegod then instructs Joshua on what needs to be done. He has to bring every tribe of Israel before him (the numbers claim the population was in the millions), man by man, but for some reason he focuses on the tribe of Judah. We are not told why and how he eventually narrows it down to Achan. Then again, Joshua must have had the spirit of discernment...err, wait...that's a New Testament thing, right? Well anyway, he found out it was Achan.

Achan eventually fessed up to the crime and his tent was searched and the goods were found. As a consequence for this crime, Achan, his kids, his oxen his asses, his sheep, his tent and everything he had was brought into a valley so the lord could 'trouble' Achan and all his goods by means of some nice sized stones up against their heads. Not feeling that was bad enough, they outdid themselves by lighting them on fire too and to top it off, covered their carcasses with stones. These are god's people we're talking about, right?

Now I want to know is, what did the ass do to deserve this? I mean, ass was probably there minding his own business, chomping down on some grass or left over manna and the next thing he knows, he's being stoned and then set on fire. I could just hear Eleazar, with stone in hand saying, "Move! Let me get summa that ass!" I'm sure they could not have done this to Shrek's ass though. I mean, where's the respect for the ass? Sheesh!
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