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I know we have to forgive those that have done anything to hurt us. I and I do in time let go of my anger and forgive people. But I don't necessarily let those people back into my life.
My question: Do you have to embrace people's presence in your life in order to forgive them? Or it is ok to forgive them and then send them off out of your life?
Forgiveness isn't condoning what someone's done to you.
Forgiveness is giving the situation to God so oyu can heal.
Is you carry anger, resentment, etc (unforgiveness) in your heart, the wrong that's been done to you is done over and over again.
Once you say, "I forgive this person for the act committed against me and I put the accountablility in God's hands." You can begin to heal.
I look at it like this.
Before you forgive, you think of that person and how they've hurt you.
Afterwards, you think of yourself and how to move on.
It's taking the focus off of them and the terrible act and putting it back on you and moving forward.
That make sense?
Yes that does make sense! I was hoping that it was ok to not allow people who are emotionally unhealthy for you to be around back into your life as long as you have let go of your anger and moved on. Some of these people I have gone back and forth with many times only to be hurt again so I decided since they don't seem to change that I would not have them in my life. I have forgiven them in my heart but I wasn't sure if that was good enough. So I guess I'm good.
Yes that does make sense! I was hoping that it was ok to not allow people who are emotionally unhealthy for you to be around back into your life as long as you have let go of your anger and moved on. Some of these people I have gone back and forth with many times only to be hurt again so I decided since they don't seem to change that I would not have them in my life. I have forgiven them in my heart but I wasn't sure if that was good enough. So I guess I'm good.
Yes and I had to edit the first response.
When you asked if it's OK to forgive them and then send them out of your life. It's absolutely OK. Just make sure in your heart, you have forgiven the offense. Hope that clears that up. Sorry for the typo.
Forgiveness isn't condoning what someone's done to you.
Forgiveness is giving the situation to God so you can heal.
If you carry anger, resentment, etc (unforgiveness) in your heart, the wrong that's been done to you is done over and over again.
Once you say, "I forgive this person for the act committed against me and I put the accountablility in God's hands." You can begin to heal.
I look at it like this.
Before you forgive, you think of that person and how they've hurt you.
Afterwards, you think of yourself and how to move on.
It's taking the focus off of them and the terrible act and putting it back on you and moving forward.
That make sense?
That's a good way to put it. Whether we allow someone back into our lives, has nothing to do with forgiveness.
First we have to acknowledge the ill feelings we have toward someone or a situation. Then we have to freely ask God to help us forgive them (and forgive/release ourselves of any guilt or shame).
Once we decide to forgive, we may have to confess that a few times, until our head/emotions catches up to our act of faith (forgiving). We may not "feel" like we've forgiven, but it's a choice, not a feeling. When we step out in Faith, God's spirit meets us and takes it from there. We can't wait to feel like we want to forgive or that we're fine, we have to confess that we are fine and ready to forgive, in Jesus' name. Then, one day, we'll look back, and say, wow, by the healing power of Jesus' blood, I really am fine/have really forgiven so & so.
Next, if we so feel inclined or the Holy Spirit instructs, then can we pursue reconciliation and restoration of that broken relationship. But, sometimes, the Lord desires for relationships to be ended or cut-off, for the sake of His precious Child - you!
Forgiving someone, doesn't include becoming best friends, again. We must use wisdom and ask the Lord what He would want us to do.
That's a good way to put it. Whether we allow someone back into our lives, has nothing to do with forgiveness.
First we have to acknowledge the ill feelings we have toward someone or a situation. Then we have to freely ask God to help us forgive them (and forgive/release ourselves of any guilt or shame).
Once we decide to forgive, we may have to confess that a few times, until our head/emotions catches up to our act of faith (forgiving). We may not "feel" like we've forgiven, but it's a choice, not a feeling. When we step out in Faith, God's spirit meets us and takes it from there. We can't wait to feel like we want to forgive or that we're fine, we have to confess that we are fine and ready to forgive, in Jesus' name. Then, one day, we'll look back, and say, wow, by the healing power of Jesus' blood, I really am fine/have really forgiven so & so.
Next, if we so feel inclined or the Holy Spirit instructs, then can we pursue reconciliation and restoration of that broken relationship. But, sometimes, the Lord desires for relationships to be ended or cut-off, for the sake of His precious Child - you!
Forgiving someone, doesn't include becoming best friends, again. We must use wisdom and ask the Lord what He would want us to do.
Another great post! Thanks to you and Alpha for explaining this to me.
This is a great discussion. Forgiveness is a long process for some. It is difficult when the question is not letting the person back into your life, but constantly having to deal with them and protect yourself. That is when forgiveness is on the back burner and survival is more important.
This is a great discussion. Forgiveness is a long process for some. It is difficult when the question is not letting the person back into your life, but constantly having to deal with them and protect yourself. That is when forgiveness is on the back burner and survival is more important.
Yes, forgiveness is a process and can be complicated. It sounds like you speak from a current situation. God knows exactly what you're going through and He will get you through, if you allow Him. He's there for you.
I'm not quite sure I understand what you mean exactly, but I can tell you that in my experience, forgiveness is quite necessary for survival. Unforgiveness will eat away at the very heart of a person.
Ultimately, I don't just want to survive, I want to thrive. I want to have the abundant life that Jesus spoke of, that He came to give us all. He came so that we can come to him when we are weary and tired and barely getting through. He came for us, so that we could have all/be all that God has intended for us to have/to be.
I mean you have to survive by doing joint child custody with your abuser - so you are always on your guard so you are not vulnerable. But meantime he is gaslighting you as being intolerant and unforgiving, all the while still using the kids to undermine you and abuse you - and you cannot get away without abandoning the kids.
I think forgiveness in a situation where you are forced to daily interact with your abuser is not a huge priority - safety is. Watchfulness is.
But it's funny, after he accidentally on purpose set the house on fire when we were still married, he told me "you are just going to have to forgive me, since you can't live like this". He never asked, and he never apologized. In a passive aggressive way, he was ORDERING me to forgive him.
I don't think I can do this until the kids are grown and I am allowed to move away, and I can finally rebuild my own life with some power and control, and not have to account to him by law for everything we do or else here come the lawyers again.
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love it :)
Whether we allow someone back into our lives, has nothing to do with forgiveness. 
