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Old 11-17-2009, 09:45 PM
 
Location: Illinois
1,441 posts, read 1,014,488 times
Reputation: 2728
Default Please help me with my brother - he's gone fundy!!

This might be long, but I'll try to tighten it up the best I can. This is about my younger brother - we did not grow up together (that's a different story).

He grew up in a Florida fundy household, was a God-fearing, Bible- believing, etc, etc. Well, come to find out that in the last several years he cheated on his adoring wife around three times (and by that I mean with three different women- after she forgave him for the first one!) and was recently involved in some activity that caused him to lose his job and spend a short time in prison.

Now, here's where the problem comes in, for me anyway. We have never been close and I always found him to be a little stuck on himself and quite arrogant. To be honest I hoped the prison stint might humble him a little bit, but it didn't. In the intervening year he has found Jesus again, in a big way, and has decided to become a preacher. He's on fire for Jesus these days, you know what I'm talking about. In addition his wife has bought into all this and puts him on the pedestal as head of household, etc and, honestly, I fear for my nephews/nieces growing up in that environment - it's damaging to little girls to grow up their whole lives hearing that men are above them, and it's damaging to little boys to hear that women are beneath them. And if you want my armchair diagnosis, I think that's exactly what happened to my brother - he grew up in a home where dad had the final say in anything and women were to be subservient to men, and that led him to using women in his life as callously as he has. Anyway, moving on....

My problems are 1) the preacher business - I don't go to church, but if I did and I found out someone with his background was the preacher there, I would walk out. Yeah I know none of us is perfect, but I am incensed that someone who has lived that kind of hypocrisy for the last decade or so thinks he now has any business telling anyone how to live as a Christian. 2) We live in different parts of the country so it is not as though I deal with him every day, but he sends out mass emails or posts on his facebook religious questions deliberately to incite argument and/or supposedly for debate or discussion but really just so he can say how wrong all of us (nonbelievers) are. And it's the same old fundy lines that I've heard a million times - he's not saying anything new, and he's certainly not making any friends with this stuff.

I want to send him an email telling him exactly how I feel - he's a hypocrite, he's arrogant, the devil didn't make him do any of the things he did, he has no business telling me how to live, and that I think the school he's studying with (one of those online preacher schools founded by a sleazy preacher who shall remain unnamed) is a bunch of bunk, but in the interest of family peace I have not.

Ok, I welcome any opinions or feedback. And for those of you who want to tell me how great it is that he's found Jesus, please understand that that is not the issue - the issue is his attitude and his approach. I believe in God but I don't buy into all this fervency and I think it's going to split our family apart even further. Thanks for any help, insight, ideas you can offer.
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Old 11-17-2009, 09:51 PM
 
Location: South Africa
1,319 posts, read 1,191,507 times
Reputation: 293
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie3 View Post
My problems are 1) the preacher business - I don't go to church, but if I did and I found out someone with his background was the preacher there, I would walk out. Yeah I know none of us is perfect, but I am incensed that someone who has lived that kind of hypocrisy for the last decade or so thinks he now has any business telling anyone how to live as a Christian. 2) We live in different parts of the country so it is not as though I deal with him every day, but he sends out mass emails or posts on his facebook religious questions deliberately to incite argument and/or supposedly for debate or discussion but really just so he can say how wrong all of us (nonbelievers) are. And it's the same old fundy lines that I've heard a million times - he's not saying anything new, and he's certainly not making any friends with this stuff.
Invite him to post on this forum - should be a hoot.
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Old 11-17-2009, 10:58 PM
 
Location: Valencia, Spain
7,884 posts, read 4,274,763 times
Reputation: 1505
Give him a good slapping.
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Old 11-17-2009, 11:02 PM
 
Location: Illinois
1,441 posts, read 1,014,488 times
Reputation: 2728
I wish.
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Old 11-17-2009, 11:39 PM
 
Location: Valencia, Spain
7,884 posts, read 4,274,763 times
Reputation: 1505
He'll probably be quite successful if he becomes a preacher. Christians love that ... 'bad arse dude that found Jesus' sort of thing. I wouldn't be surprised if in time, we saw him up there with the likes of Strobel and Flew under headlines such as "Proof That God Exists....the story of how a hard arsed gangster found Jesus and became Born Again."
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Old 11-17-2009, 11:46 PM
 
Location: Illinois
1,441 posts, read 1,014,488 times
Reputation: 2728
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rafius View Post
He'll probably be quite successful if he becomes a preacher. Christians love that ... 'bad arse dude that found Jesus' sort of thing. I wouldn't be surprised if in time, we saw him up there with the likes of Strobel and Flew under headlines such as "Proof That God Exists....the story of how a hard arsed gangster found Jesus and became Born Again."

He wasn't a hard arsed gangster, he was an idiot
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Old 11-17-2009, 11:52 PM
 
Location: Valencia, Spain
7,884 posts, read 4,274,763 times
Reputation: 1505
....but after the Christians have finished with his life story he WILL have been a hard arsed gangster.
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Old 11-18-2009, 12:07 AM
 
Location: Northern CA Mtns.
10,944 posts, read 4,436,753 times
Reputation: 8118
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie3 View Post
This might be long, but I'll try to tighten it up the best I can. This is about my younger brother - we did not grow up together (that's a different story).

. . . the issue is his attitude and his approach. I believe in God but I don't buy into all this fervency and I think it's going to split our family apart even further. Thanks for any help, insight, ideas you can offer.
Well obviously you don't have to like or agree with his attitude & approach. . .why not just ignore it? Seriously. He's not your responsibility; if he alienates the members of your family, that's his doing.

And you said that your problem with it (and him) is the preacher business. Why? Again, you don't answer for what he does or doesn't do. I can understand that you may be feeling an embarrassment over the situation, and I'd probably feel the same way.

So I think (as you've asked for opinions. . .) the wise way for you to proceed is to just 'disengage' from having an opinion. He's going to do whatever it is he wants, anyway. You needn't be his advocate or accuser.
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:00 AM
 
31,308 posts, read 16,580,111 times
Reputation: 14236
Quote:
Originally Posted by Annie3 View Post
Thanks for any help, insight, ideas you can offer.
I always refer to the Gospel of Motown for such situations:

According the Book of Tops, Four:

And when I see the sign
It points one way
The life we used to lead
Everyday

Just walk away Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
The empty sidewalks on my block
They're not the same
You're not to blame

From deep inside the tears
I'm forced to cry
From deep inside the pain
I chose to hide

Just walk away Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain beats down
Upon my weary eyes
For me I cry

Your name and mine inside
A heart on a wall
Still finds a way to haunt me
Though they're so small

Just walk away Renee
You won't see me follow you back home
Now as the rain beats down
Upon my weary eyes
For me I cry

(Just walk away Renee)
Walk Away
(Just walk away Renee)
I won't follow you, no
(Just walk away Renee)
I won't follow you no, just walk away
(Just walk away Renee)
Just walk away
(Just walk away)
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Old 11-18-2009, 08:12 AM
 
Location: PA
2,616 posts, read 2,532,741 times
Reputation: 452
I am glad for your brother!

If you are concerned that his love, and relationship to Jesus might tear your family appart, that is the result of Christianity. Read what Jesus said:

Matt. 10:32: Whosoever therefore shall confess me before men, him will I confess also before my Father which is in heaven.
33: But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.
34: Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
35: For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
36: And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
37: He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.
38: And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.
39: He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

What you are experiencing is what Jesus said will happen to those who follow him.
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