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Old 01-13-2010, 05:10 PM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC (in my mind)
7,943 posts, read 17,209,640 times
Reputation: 4686

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I posted this in another thread but I think its deserving of its own thread.

My dad is the pastor of a fringe church in Fort Smith, Arkansas that is so extreme they are likely superseded by only the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. Here are just a few of their beliefs...

- Anybody who votes Democrat is irreversibly doomed for hell
- Homosexuality should be criminalized and the death penalty attached to it
- Homosexuality is the absolute worst sin possible in God's eyes and any nation that decriminalizes it will face the wrath of God as did Sodom and Gomorrah
- Advocates the extermination of all gays/lesbians as well as sex predators in gas chambers
- 9/11, Katrina, Iraq, and all other bad things in our nation are the judgment of God agains't a country that tolerates homosexuality and abortion
- Science is a plot by Satan to make people doubt the Bible (specifically the 6000 year old earth and flood of Noah)
- All mainline churches preach false doctrine and are irreversibly headed for hell
- Strict forbiddance of all secular music and movies, women cannot cut their hair and men must keep short hair, not touching their ears
- Alcohol should be criminalized
- Public schools should teach Christianity, the Bible, and creationism, and evolution should be banned
- Forbiddance of association with "worldly people" i.e. people outside the church
- The United States will soon face total and sudden destruction by an angry God for its tolerance of homosexuality (9/11 and Katrina were "previews" as they put it)
- The Bible (specifically the book of Leviticus) should be equal to the Constitution in determining the laws of the land


Growing up, my entire family would say things like "I wish we could put all f@gs on an island and drop a nuclear bomb on it" or "I wish Osama Bin Laden would attack San Francisco with a nuclear bomb". My dad, in one sermon, advocated secession from the US if gay marriage legal. I knew I was gay since I was 13 and fought hard many years to change it. Lets say my teenage and college years were complete hell. I went to the alter crying every Sunday for God to make me straight. According to my family, church, and community, gays were the scum of the earth who only had one right; to get AIDS and die. I attended this church 4-5 times per week for 17 years, part of me still somewhat believes this doctrine. That said, I believe they are among the most extreme Christian churches in the entire world and could be legally classified as a hate group.

Since coming out of the closet, I have been told time and time again by my parents that the wrath of God will soon be poured out upon me, that they wish I was never born, that God will laugh as he throws me into hell (which according to my dad, God already has prepared a special place for me in hell), and that I am possessed by a demon. They recommend I get an exorcism to become straight. My mom prays to God that I get cancer, lose my job, end up on the streets so I will repent and become straight. My mom tells me she even prays that God take her own life. They continually throw Leviticus 18:22 at me and when I come back asking them about other passages that call certain things abominations that people no longer consider as such, they can only come back with "well, thats different." I have told them it makes me completely worthless as a human being because they are just soooo hateful but they can only come back with "the truth is not hate". Last time I visited them on my birthday I left crying and all my dad could say is "God hates your tears and he hates you, go to hell f@ggot!" I was very close with my parents before coming out so it is difficult to adjust to this. Its like they have died.

Even though I have moved out, my upbringing and continued contacts by my parents still haunt me. I would give anything to be straight just so I could be loved by my family and not hated. I have tried showing them science articles, movies, etc just to make them understand my point of view but all they come back with is they will not allow Satan to influence their line of thought in any way. I know in my heart though that this is something I can't change. The most I could do is live a life of loneliness and celibacy. I am not "straight acting" enough i.e. I don't care about sports, fishing, hunting, etc, to pass as straight so having close friends outside the gay community, especially among Christians, is not likely to happen.

Last edited by bchris02; 01-13-2010 at 05:32 PM..
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Old 01-13-2010, 07:15 PM
 
1,770 posts, read 2,891,886 times
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I am so sorry for that. I am lucky enough to be gay and have normal parents. Unfortunately your parents are nuts. Sorry about that.

The best thing you can do? Just keep your head up and move forward. If God DOES exist, he won't hate you for being that, that's just silly.

If needed, seek therapy. Just because they are your family, doesn't mean you have to associate with them. Screw them. Live YOUR life the way you want it. You'll be happy that way.
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Old 01-13-2010, 07:27 PM
 
Location: Clear Lake Area
2,075 posts, read 4,435,561 times
Reputation: 1973
That really sucks. I have to agree with the other poster, I think you should sit down with a therapist to help you work through some of this... it's a heck of a lot to try and handle on your own. I would also recommend cutting off contact with your parents... sounds like there is 0% chance of them changing and I can't see them bringing you anything but heavy amounts of stress. Life is too short to have to deal with that level of hate and malevolence.
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Old 01-13-2010, 09:29 PM
 
Location: Pawnee Nation
7,525 posts, read 16,939,825 times
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Wouldn't it be nice if we could just speak a few words and the hurts would be healed, the light of love would melt hard hearts, and the world would be a wonderful place...................

But there aren't any such words. I will tell you this though. There are people out here who will accept and care and even love you. It may not be your "family" but there will those who will cherish you.

I'm straight, but if you are ever in my neck of the woods, you are welcome to share a meal, a roof, a drink, and a smoke...........you will learn, as you get older, that not all believers are like your parents.
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Old 01-13-2010, 09:45 PM
 
Location: NoVA
1,391 posts, read 2,640,145 times
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There are very, VERY few instances in life where actually severing all contact with your biological family is sane and even advisable.

This, could easily be one of those situations.

I would say goodbye to my family if they were like that. I'd leave them with my phone number, should they ever find a way to defeat their insanity and decide to be a family again. It's your choice obviously, but if I were in your shoes that's exactly what I'd do.
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Old 01-14-2010, 06:10 AM
 
Location: Nowhere'sville
2,339 posts, read 4,391,666 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodpasture View Post
Wouldn't it be nice if we could just speak a few words and the hurts would be healed, the light of love would melt hard hearts, and the world would be a wonderful place...................

But there aren't any such words. I will tell you this though. There are people out here who will accept and care and even love you. It may not be your "family" but there will those who will cherish you.

I'm straight, but if you are ever in my neck of the woods, you are welcome to share a meal, a roof, a drink, and a smoke...........you will learn, as you get older, that not all believers are like your parents.

Wow. You are a nice fellow...I think....are you a guy?
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Old 01-14-2010, 06:32 AM
 
Location: Victoria, BC.
33,511 posts, read 37,034,373 times
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I think, Chris that you think about to moving away from Charlotte. I have never seen anyone here go through what you have. I can't imagine treating anyone the way you have been treated, let alone their own child. There are many gay people here in Victoria and they are just treated like everybody else...Nobody even considers that part of their lives. I just cannot wrap my brain around the fact that anyone can be so cruel.

I'm not suggesting that you move to Canada, but you would be welcome at my door for a visit anytime. Perhaps if you can, you should do a bit of traveling, get yourself out of that bible belt and you will see that many places and people are a lot more welcoming than where you live now.
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Old 01-14-2010, 06:58 AM
 
Location: Charlotte, NC (in my mind)
7,943 posts, read 17,209,640 times
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Everybody who has posted, thanks for your support. I think its getting closer and closer to time for me to just cut off my family. Its so difficult being that I was so close to them before I came out of the closet, but every conversation I have with them completely drains the life out of me and makes me feel like jumping off a bridge.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sanspeur View Post
I think, Chris that you think about to moving away from Charlotte. I have never seen anyone here go through what you have. I can't imagine treating anyone the way you have been treated, let alone their own child. There are many gay people here in Victoria and they are just treated like everybody else...Nobody even considers that part of their lives. I just cannot wrap my brain around the fact that anyone can be so cruel.

I'm not suggesting that you move to Canada, but you would be welcome at my door for a visit anytime. Perhaps if you can, you should do a bit of traveling, get yourself out of that bible belt and you will see that many places and people are a lot more welcoming than where you live now.
My family is in Arkansas, not Charlotte. Here in Charlotte I have experienced some minor issues with homophobia but nothing like I did back home. The state of Arkansas and parts of the surrounding states are by far the most homophobic region of the entire country. My parents live in Fort Smith, Arkansas, the same town where the final scene in the movie Bruno was filmed. I actually recognized some high school classmates in the audience when I saw that movie.

As for religion, its difficult to wrap my mind around a loving, merciful God. My whole life I have been taught about a vicious, vengeful, hateful God and to me if that God doesn't exist then its difficult to believe in any God.

Last edited by bchris02; 01-14-2010 at 07:14 AM..
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Old 01-28-2010, 08:45 PM
 
Location: south coast near Vancouver
236 posts, read 236,610 times
Reputation: 161
Hi bchris02,

Your parents are forgetting much. Christ said that whatsoever you do to the least of these you do unto me. He also said to love one another as yourselves. God made you just the way you are. It's good that you're away from them. Some people require a cold implacable god, impatient of worthless man, waiting to strike him down in his sin (sound familiar? lol). God will give them what they require. You however, won't get that from God. You'll get the joy, have joy God. Did you know that there are over 900 passages of joy in that book?

Please don't confuse dyfunctional parents and religions with God. They have little to do with each other. Make yourself a new family.

Tell you what. This is only online and so a poor substitute for real human contact, but we'll offer ourselves as your Fairy God-fathers. In truth, we are, lol. My sister and her man made us god-parents to her two teens right after we got married last summer. We've been together 20 years as of last December. We're monotonous, er, monogamous, lol! (that joke never fails to crack us up)

Feel free to message us whenever you want.

here's a hug from Canada. *hugs* -Doug and Bill of thosemeninlove
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Old 01-28-2010, 09:14 PM
 
1,500 posts, read 3,321,684 times
Reputation: 1230
You poor kid. Life is not fair. We can not pick our parents but we can pick our friends. Just a suggestion: If you've the opportunity, get out of Charlotte if it is anything like Raleigh where I've been so I've seen how you have to be buzzed into the gay bars there. Instead, go live in a gay community. San Franscisco, New York, Fort Lauderdale, Miami Beach, P-town, West Hollywood, someplace where you will be surrounded and engulfed by men who love each other unashamed in their own eyes, unabashedly in the eyes of the world and with honor, pride & sanctity in the eyes of God.

Hopefully your parents will learn & change & grow over time. But they can only do that on their own. You are not responsible for their thoughts. So during that time, when they will be missing you regardless of how harsh their words to you, you take that time to make your own way in this often difficult world and to live in love.

Last edited by housingcrashsurvivor; 01-28-2010 at 09:26 PM..
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