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Before I was saved, I lived with my now husband...guess what living together and being married are not the same!! Not even close. No more than playing with dolls and having actual children are the same.
MBG
Before I was saved, I lived with my now husband...guess what living together and being married are not the same!! Not even close. No more than playing with dolls and having actual children are the same.
MBG
I totally agree with you, what you think you learn by living with someone doesn't really apply to what it will be like when you get married...that little peice of paper DOES make a BIG difference.
Living together just seems like trying to have your cake and eat it too, a vegetarian marriage if you like...
Either you love this person enough to commit your ENTIRE life to them...OR YOU DON'T.
Taking it by half measures is not going to make that better according to the statistics.
I am thinking there must be something specific holding you both back...like your VERY different religious backgrounds.
Living together is a way to dance around the issue but still have the togetherness you want.
Wanna know a big one? I am still saving up for the ring I want to get her...it's not cheap and I don't believe in putting an engagement ring on credit.
Second, the religious aspect is no big deal. I am not incredibly religious myself. I go temple every so often, but it's more out of habit than anything. I don't mind going to her church either...it's a nice way to relax for a while.
We have both decided we don't want to get married in a church. We want to get married in a park, and her church won't allow that...so screw 'em...we want to do it our way.
It's going to happen...it's just I need to pay off some debts first and get the money together for the ring (I want to ask in about 6-8 months).
My brother just got married, and he and his wife lived together for four years. They are a great couple.
I'm with you on this one...It seems to me, (at the risk of sounding perhaps unpopular here...) that a genuinelly loving, mutually respectful, and mature relationship is truly a life giving thing! Isn't that what "religion" and "love" are supposed to be about? From what you have written, I think you and your girlfriend are on the right path and doing just fine! I would follow my heart if I were you, and when you and she are ready to tie the knot and get married, then do it.
It is the fact that you are both committed to one another, love one another, and are in the process of making a future together in the present moment that is important...For what it's worth, my son is a college student, has a pretty serious girlfriend, and I personally would feel better thinking that they would live together first, for the very reason you stated! You and your girlfriend need to know YOUR SELVES and ONE ANOTHER. Doing that, being able to do that is a gift. In the end, all I can add is to quote e.e. cummings:
i carry your heart with me, i carry it in my heart.
If the two of you are in the process of doing that in the moment, then cherish one another and be at peace.
Wanna know a big one? I am still saving up for the ring I want to get her...it's not cheap and I don't believe in putting an engagement ring on credit.
Second, the religious aspect is no big deal. I am not incredibly religious myself. I go temple every so often, but it's more out of habit than anything. I don't mind going to her church either...it's a nice way to relax for a while.
We have both decided we don't want to get married in a church. We want to get married in a park, and her church won't allow that...so screw 'em...we want to do it our way.
It's going to happen...it's just I need to pay off some debts first and get the money together for the ring (I want to ask in about 6-8 months).
My brother just got married, and he and his wife lived together for four years. They are a great couple.
Well...if you guys are getting married in a park, then obviously, her religion is not very imprortant to her either. Through the eyes of the Catholic Church you will not be married. You both may want to seriously consider this....I only speak from experience. I don't know how old you are, but I'm suspecting in your 20's....what doesn't seem to matter to you now, actually might when you're older. I'm speaking more to her and her faith then to yours, I guess, since you stated you're not really practicing. Again, that has just been my experience (I'm the ripe ol' age of 41
She's Catholic, but she has said before that it is ridiculous that the Church wouldn't recognize something beautiful if it is done in a nature setting. She thinks that the attitude of the church in this sense is rather counterintuitive. And she has stated that if they are unwilling to recognize something beautiful because of antiquated rules, she is willing to deal without them. We have considered joining a UU church or something like that together... So, it doesn't really phase us.
She's Catholic, but she has said before that it is ridiculous that the Church wouldn't recognize something beautiful if it is done in a nature setting. She thinks that the attitude of the church in this sense is rather counterintuitive. And she has stated that if they are unwilling to recognize something beautiful because of antiquated rules, she is willing to deal without them. We have considered joining a UU church or something like that together... So, it doesn't really phase us.
Are you saying that if you do the pre cana and get the dispensation for marrying a non Catholic...no one is willing to officiate for you outside of a church building? That's not right...we went to many weddings where a priest officiated outside of the church, got married on the beach and it was no problem...you just have to find a priest that is willing to do it.
I have been living with my partner for over 18 years now and don't see the need for marriage. Marriage seems a religious principle and neither of us believe in God. We are both commited to each other and believe we will be together until one of us dies so what is that piece of paper for ? It seems that people need marriage as kind of reassurance when it offers no security ( other than financial) of happiness whatsoever. I love Him and I know he loves me, what else is there? I just wish that couples like us were not discriminated against though and that we had equal rights legally such as me being entitled to his pension etc... It seems governments and some people cannot accept that a relationship of 18 years without marriage is as worthy as a married relationship which lasts 2 months... We have the best relationship of any couples I know and yet in the eyes of the law and religion we are not acknowledged. That is what really bugs me.
Are you saying that if you do the pre cana and get the dispensation for marrying a non Catholic...no one is willing to officiate for you outside of a church building? That's not right...we went to many weddings where a priest officiated outside of the church, got married on the beach and it was no problem...you just have to find a priest that is willing to do it.
we were told:
1. Has to be done in a church.
2. Cannot have secular music, which is a big dealbreaker. We are both musicians and in addition to exchanging our own vows we wanted to exchange our own musical compositions and dedicate them to each other by playing them at the ceremony (my on the piano, she on her cello). They won't alllow this either.
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