Upstairs neighbor complains about vibrations from our apartment (evict, legal, landlord)
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I kind of agree with (taraox), quite a lot, in fact I may go even further with it than they do.
I am NOT a jerk, I promise, but within the realm of my home, I have the right of reasonable quiet so that I can enjoy my property, and frankly, I don't give 2 rips that a neighbor's child is autistic, or "gifted," or "has special needs," blah blah blah. All I care about is that it's noisy in my home. That the noise is coming from a child with autism, or Asberger's, or they came from a broken home & has had a rough life, it doesn't make any difference to me, it isn't going to magically make the noise tolerable. If it's intolerable noise, it's intolerable noise. Period.
I think there's too much excusing noise for any number of reasons. The same goes for people with dogs that yap & yap & yap and they excuse it based on the supposed need to prevent burglaries, heck one person even claimed they NEEDED an animal because their therapist said the calming effect was psychologically necessary for her special needs. At some point, frankly, I think it's just making excuses for the fact that you're creating a lot of noise, whether on purpose or whether NOT on purpose, and not wanting the responsibility to just handle it already.
Don't misunderstand me, I am all for compassion for a person's situation & parents with autistic children have to live somewhere too, but asking me to be tolerant of unbearable noise just isn't appropriate. Besides, I have found, no matter where you live, people want to tell you that if something about the area bothers "then move." So--if you can't take apartment life wall-to-wall noise, then move to the country. BUT when you move to the country & then you STILL have noise from people homing 3052 hunting dogs that bark at everything, you're told "don't like it, then move to the city."
So either way, you're told to be tolerant of noise or move or get over it. That's just not acceptable.
Besides that, though, have you considered letting your child play OUTSIDE some? Take them to a park & let them run around a bit. Their special needs aside, there HAS to be an appropriate place like that where they can run around & burn off some energy yet be doing so in a far more acceptable atmosphere. Frankly, maybe I'm out-of-line, but to me even autistic children have to fit in to the environments they will be in where disruptions are not acceptable, versus society having to tolerate disruptions under the name of "compassion." Asking the rest of us to plug our ears & deal with the disruptions while someone plays a "special needs" card is, frankly, just rude. I know it's hard, I know you didn't ask for your child to be autistic, & a little compassion wouldn't kill a person I know, but at some point I can't help but feel compelled to reply "enough with the nonsense, your child is being disruptive, WHO CARES why, just handle it already." Our needs for a reasonably quiet & disruptive-free atmosphere don't magically vanish just because someone's child happens to have a medical diagnosis attributable to their behavior.
LRH
While I appreciate you taking time to express your views, I cant deny that I feel offended by some of your comments. I agree that everyone deserves to have quiet living, but I feel that in general, there needs to be a level of understanding of what you are dealing with in a neighborhood that is filled with families. For example, I lived in a neighborhood that was mostly college students in 2008-2010. While partying,my neighbor would stomp over my head so bad that it shook the apartment. My oldest son was a newborn I had to complain to them and called the police when they refused to stop, but in the end, I realized that I needed to consider either moving to a more family friendly neighborhood or quit complaining (so we moved).
My current neighbor has complained about the neighborhood kids outside being too loud, cursing etc (but not to the office). This is also the same woman who in the same breath claimed that she had a job which she traveled a lot and she just changed jobs so she now home more. So I wonder, how much did she hear her neighbors if she was not home?
I am not trying to pull any special needs card. Simply put, there are laws that protect not only families but children and those with disabilities and they have a right to reasonable accommodations. But I haven't even asked for that yet. As I said before, she pulled up her carpet and that would help to stifle the noise/vibrations. If I had my choice, I would happily move away from my neighbor just to have peace. My stomach have been in knots, we keep our 20 month old off the floor as much as possible so he wont walk too hard and I have been out of my house more than in on my days off for the sake of trying my darnedest to accommodate may neighbor. I never had my neighbors complain about me. That is the honest truth. So why does that make me any different than she who has never complained? Yes I am in a different apartment, but my relationship with my neighbors over the years have been at worst on a hello and goodbye basis. At best, even when they moved, they came back to see my family while visiting. Besides, i don't know if she has/ has not complained to the previous neighbors about their noise level. Not everyone will go to the office and notify the office about the issue at hand. She has gone through 3 neighbors in the last 6 years. I make the fourth.
By the way, I take my son out almost every day weather permitting. If I am working, well, I am not able to take him out if I am not there. still, kids want to be comfortable in their home too. They should be able to have some playtime in their home without being constantly afraid that they will disturb their neighbors.
I accept that there are some people out there who feel like you do. I can't change that. You are certainly entitled to your feelings. I hope that you have found a disruptive free environment where there are no dogs yapping, children yelling and playing or crying babies.
Sweet, would it help if you go upstairs one evening when your boys and husband are downstairs going about a typical night to hear what she may be hearing? The only reason I am giving her a slight benefit of the doubt is because she has been there longer and this is her first complaint. My guess is if she was a busybody or troublemaker, others would have had the same issue with her. Since she appears to only have a problem with you, maybe there is a legitimate reason?
Either way, I hope you come to a peaceful resolution. Our downstairs neighbors were not agreeable and it turned into a big mess, which caused us to finally leave.
I admit, I have been apprehensive to do this because I feel very uncomfortable around her. One other thing happened to me because of her (she took my light-bulb from the shared entryway and when I put another one in, she took it out, put it on the floor then left me a note saying "do not put the light-bulb in, it uses my electricity". I had access to it from my apartment so why would it be on her bill? So I asked a neighbor and notified the office of the issue. They clarified it for her. She told me I can put a light-bulb in but it has to be a bug light. Good thing maintenance took care of it)
Personally, I think she is a bit off. I can't say she is lying, but I can't find any real life complaints online of vibrations being felt from the downstairs apartment except from loud music with bass. I am thinking about taking your advice but I will have someone with me to be observant as well. All I want is a resolution that is fair for everyone. I have thought about getting someone to inspect the structure of the building. Something just doesn't sit with me. It doesn't make sense how vibrations can be felt from 2 young children. I can't shake it.
You sound like a considerate person, who is bending over backward to be considerate to your neighbor. However, you and your family are entitled to live a normal life without having to accommodate the woman upstairs' unreasonable demands.
It sounds as though she's a little nutty, and you are a bit of a "pleaser". Why should her needs trump yours?
Perhaps you should just let your kids be themselves, without apology, and she will either get used to it, or move.
LOL, I have been told that I am a people-pleaser. I would hate for the woman to have to move, but I wouldn't shed a tear either. I would be willing to move to another apartment that was more compatible with us (like another family with kids). That would be better but they don't do lateral transfers. My truest fear is that we will be taken to court for eviction over it. I keep hearing that they can't just kick us out but I am not convinced yet.
LOL, I have been told that I am a people-pleaser. I would hate for the woman to have to move, but I wouldn't shed a tear either. I would be willing to move to another apartment that was more compatible with us (like another family with kids). That would be better but they don't do lateral transfers. My truest fear is that we will be taken to court for eviction over it. I keep hearing that they can't just kick us out but I am not convinced yet.
Please understand this.
People do not get "taken to court" and evicted unless they refuse to move after being given proper and legal notice to so.
(sweetljc) You sound like a person who does the best you can within your human limitations to do the right thing. For that you are to be applauded. Heck it may well be that you'd even be okay with me as a neighbor, although I don't want to get crazy, ha ha.
I actually have found my quiet paradise. I managed to get a place that does have one person about 100 yards away but even then there's a lot of woods between us & them that serves as a "buffer zone." They're extremely quiet pretty much always. At night it's so quiet if you clear your throat outdoors it echoes. They own no dogs so none of that, they have grandkids who are over every now & then otherwise it's just them. That's on one side--on the other side, I have about 55-60 acres of woods with no one in them. Between it all, it is deathly quiet almost all of the time.
Children playing outdoors isn't usually a bothersome noise, and in fact I'm very defensive of a child's right to play outdoors, I think they tend to be confined to the indoors way too much. It only bothers me in cases of where you have little girls screaming at the top of their lungs with that high-pitched piercing sound. Otherwise it doesn't bother me, not even "normal" screaming.
On the other hand, music and ESPECIALLY barking dogs, or crying babies--oh yes, they bother me greatly. Babies, well at least they grow up and it stops eventually, at least it does if the parent isn't an overly permissive one & they correct their children, age-appropriately, for excessive noise. The trouble is, a lot of them don't, and they continue to make excessive noise well into their 10s.
Worst of all, though, are the barking dogs. That is by far the worst noise to have to tolerate, and again, too many dog owners do nothing about it. I'm not saying I advocate it, but if that's why neighbors shoot their neighbor's dogs, frankly I don't know that I blame them. It really is that awful of a noise, and totally unnecessary, and fixable. I have 2 dogs, & they're quiet, and if they weren't, I'd either have them trained to be or I'd get rid of them. I just don't tolerate that noise, period.
Heck I even once complained to the local ambulance company because I kept hearing their sirens too often. I've lived here going on 5 years, this was 2 years ago, it had long been established that you could easily go 2 weeks & never hear a siren, all of a sudden you were hearing them twice a day. When I saw an ambulance parked idly close-by between such runs on several occasions, it occurred to me that maybe they were practicing out of boredom. I'm like--oh no you don't, save it for a REAL emergency, I moved out of the city to get away from that constant noise, don't be spoiling that.
So yes, I have my quiet paradise, & I'm quite fiercely protective of it. However, not everyone is as lucky as I am, and I've lived in apartments before & know how quiet they can be, so I know it can be done. The thing is you have to find balance, because besides noise being bothersome, it also can be intimidating living next door to someone who flips out over every single noise & causes you to walk on eggshells in your own house. You don't want that either.
The fact that she removed your lightbulbs and left you a note about what kind of lightbulb you could put in...puts her firmly in the category of PITA in my opinion, and she no longer gets any benefit of the doubt from me.
yes the woman is a nutter from the sounds of it. more than likely your neighbor would complain if the apartment was used for storage that the items stored is collecting dust to loud
Okay judging by your replies, you seem fairly on top of things and like you're being proactive and trying to solve the problem... I mean, it's the internet, so there's always a chance you guys are crazy loud and shake her apartment and you're just oblivious and don't know how loud you are, but I don't think that's the case lol. Judging from the hall light thing, she sounds a little odd... Is she an older woman? Or perhaps has a bit of paranoia or something? The only thing I could think of was maybe the light was attracting moths or insects and it had been a problem in the past? (I know I had these gross gnat type bugs making nests on my balcony around the porch light.. we ended up leaving it off and they seemed to stay away).. Only way I could make sense of her request for a bug light only. It sucks that they can't just let you guys move into another unit, or her. Maybe she'll find a different unit when her lease is up? Either way I hope things work out!
yes the woman is a nutter from the sounds of it. more than likely your neighbor would complain if the apartment was used for storage that the items stored is collecting dust to loud
lol!
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