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Location: St Thomas, USVI - Seattle, WA - Gulf Coast, TX
811 posts, read 1,145,884 times
Reputation: 2322
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Quote:
Originally Posted by In2itive_1
I expressed how I nicely I have spoken to neighbors, first. (Three, who have turned out the same). It doesn't matter in some cases. I know some have had luck with this, so they assume it works in every instance. For the OP, and being inexperienced, she probably felt that if someone is so outwardly rude, she felt reluctant to even approach them. It comes down to a belligerent type, resisting that they are doing anything wrong or want to do what they want, being defensive, which appears most common from what I have read, unlike your nice neighbors who "did not realize what they were doing". (This would be like me giving you advice on something that I insist worked, when it had not for you).
The first one who was "bad", acted fine to my face, but I had asked if she might put those little, felt pads under dining chair legs so that they don't screech across the floor. Simple, right? Well, a guy arrived one evening and she must have told him, because they began scraping chairs back and forth repeatedly "screech-screech, screech-screech, screech-screech..." How amusing. (See, you've been lucky). It was not like I requested something major and then, she needed to act like this? It's hard to attempt building a relationship after that. If someone had requested of me something like this, I would have done it. I am the nice neighbor, and would not have wanted my own chairs to make that sound, anyway.
Of course not everyone renting upstairs is an a-hole. As mentioned, I've had neighbors up there (and elsewhere), who I barely heard and who I appreciated. It is not the sounds or vibrations just "transferring through cheap walls" (ceiling). It is clearly one's inconsiderate, overzealous, movements that cause the noise. Come on over to hear it. (Three different ones, asking them three different times...like about the chairs, but taking the "We'll show her" attitude, instead. (If I could, I would have left, but is also an otherwise decent building and area).
I hear you, In2itive, and I do empathize. MY point is that you at least DO need to give people the benefit of the doubt, first. If you haven't done that, then you're just as bad. That's my point to the OP. Don't come crying to others when you're the one poking the ceiling with a broomstick before you've even met your neighbor or know anything about them/whether they are aware of their noise! You can't ASSUME right off the bat that your neighbors are a-holes. I still say that, most of the time, they do not realize how noise transfers. I'm a landlord who has done my share of apartment living, so I do have some experience as someone who has had the noisy neighbor, been the noisy neighbor (oops!), and received complaints about the noisy neighbor. The fact that this is SO COMMON, regardless of a tenant's intentions, is why we see hilarious videos about how incredibly noisy it is to have an upstairs neighbor... It's kind of a universal problem, regardless of the nature of your neighbor, so let's assume they're nice people instead of jerks. That is fair.
I'm glad that you tried to take the high road and build a relationship with your neighbor. I'm sorry that it didn't work out, but because you gave her the benefit of the doubt, instead of retaliating like a child right off the bat as the OP did, you will get the empathy you're apparently after here, and you can hold your head high that you've done what you can before either contacting your LL, or looking to relocate. You're a good example to the OP. At least do what you can to build relationships first. Maybe I've been "lucky", or maybe I'm just really good at PR, but maybe the odds are in my favor by working hard to become friends with new neighbors (and build good relationships with tenants) before there's a problem, as "old-fashioned" as that might sound. Whether in an apt or house, I've always made a point to initiate an introduction with my new neighbors as soon as they move in, and even invite them over. It's amazing how your neighbors will regard your wishes and respect you if you actually become their friends before there's a problem at all. Being initially warm and open, and making an effort to know people, does wonders in life, not just in an apartment building/neighbor scenario.
Back to your specific situation: you should be proud of yourself that you can at least walk away from an impossible situation as someone who did what they could, holding your head high. Apartment living is not ideal. That's the truth. I'm glad you have at least tried to be a mature and friendly neighbor. I've experienced screeching chairs too, so you have my sympathy. That said, in that specific situation, the neighbors were mortified to learn that they were causing a disturbance, and corrected it immediately. So, yes, there's your evidence that neighbors are potentially unaware of the noise they're causing. Let's at least give them that benefit of the doubt first.
BTW, you did not hi-jack this thread. I can't think of what would make you more on topic, in fact. Weird.
As someone who has been a victim of domestic abuse, I completely disagree with you. Both situations cause dread, stress and general mental anguish. Many people in this situation don't want to be in their own home. They get very little sleep and are constantly in a state of anxiety. They feel they have no way out and that (aside from moving which is not possible in many cases) they are powerless. It is VERY similar to the way an abuse victim feels.
Okay, to clarify for the absolutely ridiculous turn this has taken, what I meant was NO - you do not "learn to deal" with abuse. You do everything possible to escape abuse. YES - you do learn to deal with loud footsteps because by goodness they're just footsteps.
And if loud footsteps cause you that much mental anguish that you managed to type that paragraph with a straight face, then for goodness sake why do you live in an apartment?
Okay, to clarify for the absolutely ridiculous turn this has taken, what I meant was NO - you do not "learn to deal" with abuse. You do everything possible to escape abuse. YES - you do learn to deal with loud footsteps because by goodness they're just footsteps.
And if loud footsteps cause you that much mental anguish that you managed to type that paragraph with a straight face, then for goodness sake why do you live in an apartment?
I don't live in an apartment anymore, but I have and it is NOT just footsteps that cause issues. It's anything from loud music to slamming doors to screaming children. If you think all loud neighbors do is stomp, you obviously have no idea what you're talking about.
Step off your self built pedestal and stop blabbering about what you don't know.
I don't live in an apartment anymore, but I have and it is NOT just footsteps that cause issues. It's anything from loud music to slamming doors to screaming children. If you think all loud neighbors do is stomp, you obviously have no idea what you're talking about.
Step off your self built pedestal and stop blabbering about what you don't know.
But please...tell me again all about what I don't know. Clearly based on a few forum posts this means you know my entire life story.
Sorry, TLDR.
I don't know your life story. Nor do I care about it. All I care about is that you came in here just to start trouble by saying someone's post is garbage and calling them names.
I'm done with this discussion - and with you. Welcome to ignore.
I don't know your life story. Nor do I care about it. All I care about is that you came in here just to start trouble by saying someone's post is garbage and calling them names.
I'm done with this discussion - and with you. Welcome to ignore.
I'll thank you to stop making up things about me that are completely fabricated. You jumped in on a post I directed at someone else and told me I was wrong. I defended my post. You made it personal.
I'm not going to acknowledge you any further, but I did have to take a moment defend my name. I do not call people names. I am not a child.
I wouldn't normally bother, but since you brought it up...
I meant that as a verb, not a noun, but I can see how that was misunderstood. I will apologize for that.
It was an overly dramatic comparison. I don't take abuse lightly and it chapped me pretty badly to see someone have the audacity to compare loud neighbours with abuse.
I have lived in apartments, and there was one where the upstairs neighbors were the worst I have ever encountered. Often times at 2 to 3am they would have people clomping around up there after coming from the bar, stomping around was a big issue too no matter what time. There were times where it sounded like the microwave fell off the counter on to the floor, when I confronted them they were incredibly snotty like I was the bad guy like I imagined hearing it. I forgot to mention when they had a kid up there running around after 10pm and then after midnite until like 4am, they were the worst upstairs neighbors I have ever had.
I hate to tell you OP, but this will not change, you will need to find a way to get out of there and find yoursef an upper apt, or an actual house to rent or buy.
As someone who has been a victim of domestic abuse, I completely disagree with you. Both situations cause dread, stress and general mental anguish. Many people in this situation don't want to be in their own home. They get very little sleep and are constantly in a state of anxiety. They feel they have no way out and that (aside from moving which is not possible in many cases) they are powerless. It is VERY similar to the way an abuse victim feels.
Well said Melodica. I tried to give you a + reputation but I already did it awhile ago and can't again so I thought I'd thank you in a post.
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That said, in that specific situation, the neighbors were mortified to learn that they were causing a disturbance, and corrected it immediately. So, yes, there's your evidence that neighbors are potentially unaware of the noise they're causing. Let's at least give them that benefit of the doubt first. 
