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I do not agree that its the norm. it's all how you were raised. This guy has not only been raised to be a slob, but he doesn't know what respect means. As a roomate, your somewhat obliged to give the other a certain bit of respect since you share the living space. I think you've been more than patient, sounds like you a nice guy and he's taking advantage of it. You've tolerated it long enough, get mean and tell him he's a freaking slob and you don't want to live with cockroaches, Find a new roomate! It's his loss, sounds like he'd be losing a great roomie!
Well, you have that "nice personality", he knows that and uses it AGAINST you!! A "good/great" roommate can be hard to find, just like a "goodgreat" boyfriend/girlfriend, husband or wife. Actually, years ago, I knew a couple of gals w/kids, that were very messy. I met them, got invited over to there apartment/house for dinner and that was the last time I chose to see them. I can understand "some" messyness with having kids, but seeing this inside of their homes......to much and didn't want that.
Not to be nasty, but you have put up with his messyness for how long???? Lady, that "nice personality", "oh, he is a great guy, other than this" crap HAS got to go, or, DON'T complain.
Today, I'm married and the wife and I both do the cleaning. Doesn't bother me to load the dishwasher/run it/unload it, do laundry, vaccum, straighten up things.
I reallly feel for the person that opened this thread. I got one just like him! But, my OCD has died. I dont give a **** no more. I just keep my room clean and the bathroom. Everything else can stay filthy LOL!
I have to disagree with everyone who says its about your raising. I am not a very neat person myself, but in the house I share, I keep the common areas clean from my mess - however I'd bet that my room is 10 times messier then anyone else's room in the house.
I was raised, however, to be "neat" and "clean", usually with lectures that made me hate cleaning.
Its in the lease to keep it sanitary condition usually. Washing dishes and not letting them pile up like a pig has nothing to do with being a neat freak. Its abiding lease terms and removing reasons for vermin to infest the rental and be a problem to you and the other people in your building. I dont know why you even care about being respectful about it. Hes not.
I have had roomates gals and girls in the past. The only thing I ever had to say was "clean that sh*t or we will have bugs/rats/mice you d*mb*ss"
Guys and girls cleaned it right away and didnt make it an ongoing problem.
Younger than 25 and older as well.
If they left a mess because of a late night they would leave a note that they would clean it tomorrow to everyone. And they actually did it. Its just common manners.
I would also ask your other roomates if you just want to kick him out and split the cost so you dont have to deal with the mess and the vermin it brings.
At 25 there is every possibility that he could change eventually - but it's doubtful that he'll change to any great degree in this situation. In my early 20s, I hated to clean (though I was never as bad as this guy!)...now I can't stand even a speck of dust anywhere! People change. I do agree that your cleaning habits have something to do with how you're raised, but I don't think it's a major factor.
OP, as someone else has already said, the Nice Guy routine obviously isn't working. You need to get more stern and just lay it all out. If you don't, it's going to continue. If it still continues after that, move if you're in a position to do so or kick him out. You can only do so much and if he doesn't "get it"...he probably never will.
You seem so worried about harming your friendship with this guy. How much of a friend can he be if he obviously and repeatedly disrespects you and your other roomates.
BTW, the thing about putting his dirty dishes on his bed may seem mean but it works. I had a roomate in college who was a complete slob doing the same thing as you described. Sure I could have gone to the powers that be at the school and complained but that doesn't get the point across. I gathered up all her dirty dishes and put them on her bed while she was gone to class. I got my point across and while she was still a slob, she started cleaning up after herself.
Don't let this gut walk all over you. Thats not what "friends" do.
1. Is this normal behavior for 25 year old guys? ( I am a guy, but i wasn't raised to not pick up after myself, so it is extremely appalling to me and i take it as being rude and having no respect for others that live in the house.)
2. What should I do to give him the incentive to pick up and clean after himself? (I have offered him money to pick up after himself and that has not worked. I told him i'd give him $75 bucks to clean up after himself, but just did not work)
3. Last year my other roommates and I all decided to not eat or use dishes for a week, so we could point out how messy he was, and he could clearly see it. We did this and he like usual there was a huge mess in kitchen caused only by him. He left food out on the table, tons of dishes in the sink, and all around the living room. Anyway, at weeks end this was pointed out to him, and he simply denied he was the only one. (He had no idea we all conspired to point this out to him). Anyway, how should you deal with a person that takes no responsibility for their actions?
1--Yes, it is very normal behavior for a 25 year old male. You, your friends, everyone on here may claim to be the exceptions, but someone is lying. The only way to correct this behavior is for him to find the right girl. Nagging him about it won't change a thing.
I had a room mate like this. After a while I got fed up and began to pile his dishes that sat in the kitchen (or elsewhere) on top of his bed. He would then move them back into the kitchen, or sometimes on top of my bed claiming that they were my dishes. Shortly after, I began to simply throw them away, to which I don't think that he minded as he never brought it up.
2--There is nothing you can do or say to change his behavior. Chances are he either a) had a mom who did everything for him and he expects others to do the same. Or b) had a mom who made him do every chore around the house and now is lazy out of spite. Like I said, maybe if he found the right girl he would be too embarrassed about the mess and begin to pick up after himself.
3--Tried going this route on many occasions. It never works as the room mate you are trying to frame will always claim that the mess is not entirely theirs.
Either kick the guy out because he is more then likely not going to change, at least not soon enough or just deal with it and hope that somehow, someway he will change (not likely).
BTW, the thing about putting his dirty dishes on his bed may seem mean but it works. I had a roomate in college who was a complete slob doing the same thing as you described. Sure I could have gone to the powers that be at the school and complained but that doesn't get the point across. I gathered up all her dirty dishes and put them on her bed while she was gone to class. I got my point across and while she was still a slob, she started cleaning up after herself.
Don't let this gut walk all over you. Thats not what "friends" do.
Yeah! Glad others out there think like me
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