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Old 05-30-2007, 06:59 AM
 
Location: Princeton-area, New Jersey
113 posts, read 530,889 times
Reputation: 71

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Just to preface this, I just bought a house. I've been living in an apartment for many years, but I've lived in a house before immigrating here.

My friend of over 10 years has stopped speaking to me. We usually speak on AIM and I haven't seen her online for weeks. So I e-mailed her and asked her what's up and she tells me that she's sorry I feel neglected, but that not everything is about my house. I told her that it wasn't all about my house, because I still had my kids, husband, and school to worry about. We sort of patched things up and started to talk on AIM again.

Lately, I've been talking about replacing the carpets with wood flooring in the house. On AIM, my friend talks on and on about her stuff, then when we get to my stuff about the house, she suddenly has to go. She has also expressed annoyance, by telling me that my decision about the wood is not a big deal, because I've told her I refuse to do laminate.

Then right after we chatted, she posted this on her blog:

"people think they are "great"

it's funny how some people feel the constant need to tell others how "Great" they are or "great" their life is. these people are only fooling themselves, cause we all know they are not happy or great by any means.

and another thing..

i can't stand when people have "plans" for themselves. these people and their bull**** plans.. i have never seen any of them actual stay on their bull**** course that they "planned" for themselves. it's another way of making it seem like they are "great" and have things going on in their lives, which they also think makes them somebody special.

and to that i say, "get a ****ing life and get off your imaginary highhorse cause you're actaully lower than the people you tell you're great to."


On another note, my friend has lived in an apartment all her life. At first, she was happy for me during the process of looking for a house. But when the closing approached, that's when she gave me the cold shoulder. Also, when she told me that it wasn't all about my house, I was puzzled. Why would a friend say that to another friend?

I'm sure she was talking about me because I do have a tendency to gloat when good things happen in my life-- like when my kids do good or funny things, or when I get good grades in school. She also included stuff we have talked about (I like to make long-term plans so I can make a game plan, and I've also said I like to keep busy to "give my life some life.")

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent here. I would appreciate any thoughts, and would like to ask if anyone has ever had this happen to them-- when friends turned their backs on them once they transitioned from renting an apartment to owning a house...

Everyone but this friend has been supportive during my process of house buying. So, suffice it to say, I am never speaking to this "friend" again...

Last edited by luckyduck; 05-30-2007 at 07:13 AM.. Reason: p.s.
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Old 05-30-2007, 12:23 PM
 
2,014 posts, read 5,369,365 times
Reputation: 1661
You need to do a reality check - she's not your friend. What she's written and doesn't know you've seen indicates that she doesn't like you and has unresolved issues of her own. I wouldn't talk to her anymore except to perhaps ask that she takes down from online references to conversations you had with her thinking they were in confidence (even though it is overboard and she likely won't do it, it would reveal to her that a-you read what she wrote and b-she needs to be more careful in the future how she handles her relationships - not bad things right?).

Regarding owning vs renting - yes I've seen similar things happen. Heck when my wife and I first starting having kids, I saw something similar as well. When I went to grad school followed by obtaining a job with a top global firm I saw something similar too. This is just your standard jealousy that all humans are subject to. It's nothing new or different. What you need to do is stop trying to analyze what you learned and pursue friendships with people that have more in common with you. People who also won't backstab you. They do exist.
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Old 05-30-2007, 06:13 PM
 
Location: Missouri
5,907 posts, read 14,774,473 times
Reputation: 4523
She sounds jealous. Having said that, you are probably excited about your recent home purchase and plans for improvements, and you might be talking about it a lot. Brides talk about their wedding plans too much at times...pregnant people talk too much about their pregnancy sometimes...new parents talk about their new baby too much sometimes. It's normal. A good friend will just deal with it, or just avoid you until you are a bit past the excitement.
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Old 05-30-2007, 06:54 PM
 
2,835 posts, read 7,300,164 times
Reputation: 1578
I agree, we sound jealous. When I bough my first house, I went through this same thing with a family member. It was hard, it squashed our excitement a little. It seems to me that your friendship just might be going in a different direction. Your goals and aspirations are different than hers.
You say you like to plan...I have to say that I think that is great, but not everyone is always interested in hearing the plan step by step. I know someone who does this, and honestly, over the years, very little of the plans have made it to reality. Plans are great, don't get me wrong, but they should be for you and the people who are involved in your plans, no one else. I plan in my head, but don't share the details with anyone. And for those who feel they need to share their details with me, I whip out my favorite saying..."Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."
As far as the blog thing....VERY immature, sounds like a immature teenager. I don't care for the not so suttle finger pointing in blogs....almost makes you want to stoop to their level, doesn't it?
I would keep some distance for awhile....see where it takes the friendship.
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:05 PM
 
Location: Prospect, KY
5,255 posts, read 11,556,810 times
Reputation: 6235
I would have nothing further to do with someone like that - not your friend at all....I know it hurts, but it is time to make new friends in your neighborhood and move on...hopefully you will make some true friends - people that will be happy for you when something good comes into your life.
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Old 05-30-2007, 07:22 PM
 
3,020 posts, read 16,533,392 times
Reputation: 2433
Default Apartment Rats

There is an entirely different mentality about peeps in apartments. We used to call them apartment rats. They are in charge of nothing and get dumped on by everybody.

It probably is just plain being jealous. They will see you as being in a different class. Doesn't take much. I had a GF who lived in a rent controlled apartment. Was impossible to anybody to get any type of repairs or service.

I used to do all the work for her free. Totally remodeled the apartment out of my pocket, redid the kitchen, for not much money. Fixed everything, put in a alarm system.

Everybody else was wildly jealous. They tried to "Turn Her In". I had to tell her not to ever tell them anything. Don't show them your apartment and don't brag about how well off she was. Apartment rats are very strange peeps.
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Old 05-30-2007, 08:24 PM
 
1,007 posts, read 200,488 times
Reputation: 656
Lucky -

Nothing to add. Very wise advice & insights here from some very perceptive folks. Just wanted to offer my support. Keep your chin up. Better friends are on the horizon & best of luck in your new home. You do seem like a Lucky Duck! Positive energy flow is always the way.

Have fun... VV
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Old 05-30-2007, 09:42 PM
 
Location: Princeton-area, New Jersey
113 posts, read 530,889 times
Reputation: 71
Thanks everyone, I'm so glad I posted here. I had a long talk with my mother, who is fond of this "friend" and she told me to give my friend a chance (because I didn't tell her about the nasty blog post!) I was embarrassed to tell my mother how mean my friend was. But I totally agree that I should let go of the friendship completely. I'm really sad to lose a friend in such a terrible way, but there's no way to salvage this now.

The funny thing is... my friend never once asked what my new address was, so I never gave it to her. I was planning on sending out "we've moved" cards, but I guess I will just skip on sending her one.

Thank goodness for the city-data community for allowing me to vent and giving me some clarity!
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Old 12-08-2007, 09:20 PM
 
237 posts, read 69,519 times
Reputation: 44
It is just human nature to be jealous, and so it shouldnt sound like a disloyalty that somebody that is not having it so good as you should be jealous . i would think that if you still need your friendship, you can try to bring her a little closer into your good fortune, but if she is far away i am afraid there is little you can do , or its harder to do
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Old 12-09-2007, 12:48 AM
 
6 posts, read 15,188 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by christina0001 View Post
She sounds jealous. Having said that, you are probably excited about your recent home purchase and plans for improvements, and you might be talking about it a lot. Brides talk about their wedding plans too much at times...pregnant people talk too much about their pregnancy sometimes...new parents talk about their new baby too much sometimes. It's normal. A good friend will just deal with it, or just avoid you until you are a bit past the excitement.

I agree! She does sound jealous due to insecurities of her own. If this friendship really means a lot (it sounds like it does if you've been friends for 10yrs), I may give her space and wait for her to approach me. I wouldn't mention anything more about your house when speaking with her. If she still acts weird, I would consider finding new friends.
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