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Another thought: If this is important to your wive and the kids, then maybe a grandparent suite in the same house would work. If the current house is not suitable then the whole family and extended family could look for new housing. That way the grandparents can help with the babysitting, etc. and, of course, at a later date the kids can then help take care of the aging parents.
Oh, my! We love our children and our grandchildren but never would that dictate where we lived nor how we ordered our lives. Perhaps that's a product of both of us having grown up as military brats usually far removed from extended family.
Between us we have seven children and nine grandchildren Five children and six grands are on the left coast. One grand is in CO and two children, their spouses and two grands are in OH.
In retirement we moved from CA to MO and are perfectly happy with the arrangement. My wife flew to CA to visit last month and we both just returned from several days in OH for Thanksgiving. Next year we'll both go to CA for several weeks and Thanksgiving and perhaps Easter in OH looks like it may become a new family tradition as our CO granddaughter will visit there at Easter as well.
What works for us obviously won't work for everyone, and that's as it should be. But we are reminded that the couple from whom we bought our home here on the lake in SW MO were torn and feuding. He wanted to live here. She wanted to move back to CO where they have a new grandchild. I don't think their return trip to CO was a happy one -- her feeling smug like she'd won -- him feeling angry and resentful.
Sometimes being in the middle is just what the doctor ordered!
When we retired, we moved within 30 miles of daughter and grandchildren, for several reasons.
We wanted to be part of our grandchildren lives. This has been delightful, we are close, but not on top of each other. We have sleepovers and take the kids on outings and have thoroughly enjoyed being near family again. They will stay in the state they are and are very encased in their community.
Another reason was, after a catastrophic illness and being alone two states away, it was extremely difficult. It is nice to have someone to lean on when needed.
We moved to a colder climate, small town, and love it. We have great friends and neighbors and enjoy the changing of the seasons.
Other children live in various states but move around due to jobs or whatever. IMO it was the right move for us. We sold our house just before the market fell. Depending on your situation, if you have lived in your home for a long time, you will have made a profit on your investment whether the market returns or not.
Do you want to do things in your retirement or will you be happy being a 24x7 babysitter? Lots of people want that lifestyle and others don't. And how much are you willing to pay or lose to relocate close to your kids? You already did your duty and raised your kids. Your retirement should be all about doing whatever it is that you want to do. If you want to raise another set of kids, that's great. Just make sure you both want to this.
Personally, I would take some kind of a middle route like my parents did when I was a kid. I thought it worked out well. Every summer, I would visit my various grandparents for several weeks. I had plenty of time to get to know them but I never was there long enough to force them into the role of 'parent' or babysitter. I think 500 miles away is pretty perfect. Close enough to visit whenever you want but far enough away to be removed from their daily lives a little.
We used to be close to the kids but led busy lives with a demanding schedule so we did not see them that often. I did not want us to be a default sitter for the grandchildren, the cheap handyman, mechanic, or restaurant.
We moved to a place we would rather live and have found it is a bit of a compromise... we see the family less than we would want sometimes, slant a little too much travel to see them (now three different parts of the country), but all of us enjoy the separation most of the time.
Ii is probably different for each family.
being the babysitter,handyman ,and mechanic is what I considered the best part of being a grandparent,but now with the grand kids in their mid teens I feel my job was done . I truly enjoyed being there for them but it was time for little grasshopper's to use what grandpa has taught them and prepare to go off to college. another reason for me to run before I got tapped for college
We live about 45 minutes from my grandchildren, and I love being close enough to be a part of their lives. That being said, because we live close does not mean that we are "built in babysitters" with no life of our own. My daughter-in-law recently went back to work. I volunteered to baby sit one day a week, but made it clear that except in emergencies that was as much as I felt I wanted to do. My kids were totally okay with that. I'm lucky in that I have a very good and open relationship with my son and DIL and we can discuss these things honestly.
For me though, I would hate to live so far away that I only saw them several times a year. I feel like I have the best of both worlds - a busy and active life but also a close relationship with family. I think as long as you can set some "ground rules" it's possible to live close by but not feel "used" and with no life of your own.
Great point! Not a good idea to follow your kids as they move, it may never end. But if at least one is likely to stay put, that may be the best bet. The main thing is not to be an interfering parent/grandparent, or too overbearing in our views. This can cause rifts, misunderstandings and tension. The hardest thing may be to stand by and watch your kids parent their kids, after all, we were the greatest parents , and it's easy for us to judge. Keeping a healthy distance even if close by is a good idea. Living maybe an hour away is best, so drop-ins don't tend to happen.
This and others here sound like good advice -- I've had some concerns about the interfering/overbearing thing ... and do not think I would have appreciated that from my in-laws. However, the kids (actually older now - pushing 40) have been pushing the idea as strongly as my wife.
While I dearly love the kids and grandkids, a few days or a week at a time is more than enough. I'm not sure that the retirement I envision for the next 15-20 years is focused on as much full-time, up-close 'grandparenting' or involvement in our 'kid's' lives ... as my wife has in-mind. As stated earlier, I think a big part of the issue is the much closer. small-town, family relationships my wife had, ... versus my own, long-distance, less involved, extended family relationships.
Wow, this one is tough. I'm 60 and don't have grandchildren, but many of my friends do. We are part of a big community of line-dancers in the area. It's been interesting to watch who's continued to maintain their social lives and dance activities, and who has dropped out to center their lives on the grandchildren. My only comparison is my situation with my Mom, who is 88 and lives in FL. Her health is not the greatest, and I considered moving down there with her. But I'd have to give up my entire social life here. My health is not the greatest either -- I have many physical problems -- and I feel as if I need to take advantage of whatever activities I can manage at this age, before it gets too late. Perhaps it's selfish, but I don't want to give up my "life" here. Whether I'd feel differently if my decision involved grandchildren, I don't know...
This and others here sound like good advice -- I've had some concerns about the interfering/overbearing thing ... and do not think I would have appreciated that from my in-laws. However, the kids (actually older now - pushing 40) have been pushing the idea as strongly as my wife.
While I dearly love the kids and grandkids, a few days or a week at a time is more than enough. I'm not sure that the retirement I envision for the next 15-20 years is focused on as much full-time, up-close 'grandparenting' or involvement in our 'kid's' lives ... as my wife has in-mind. As stated earlier, I think a big part of the issue is the much closer. small-town, family relationships my wife had, ... versus my own, long-distance, less involved, extended family relationships.
As I mentioned above, although we moved close to family we are not on top of each other; still 30 miles away. We see them on an average once a week, sometimes twice, sometimes not at all.
We have our own interests (woodworking, genealogy, volunteering, gardening, etc.) We also travel in our RV for a month in winter and usually spend two months in HI.
Another thing to keep in mind is if one of you should get ill, you have family around. They have work, school and responsibilities and it wouldn't be easy for them to come and stay should you need assistance.
Close up the house and rent something as close as you would like to be so you'll have a trial period. Often the way we envision things in our dreams turn out not to be the reality. How about trying the RV thing and driving up for extended visits? Right now, a lot of homes are sitting empty and these people thought they would live in that house the rest of their lives but the economy dictated otherwise. You might just end up really missing the life you have right now if you move and that, as you know, would be a really expensive mistake to make. We full-timed in an RV for awhile and saw a lot of people that mostly traveled but loved visiting, stressing visiting, the kids and grandkids because the visits were so special. You can't recreate the past. We always saw more of our son when he lived at a distance then when he lived a few minutes away and the visits from the distance - priceless and memorable.
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another reason for me to run before I got tapped for college 
