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Old 08-02-2007, 09:16 PM
 
Location: Prospect, KY
5,288 posts, read 17,951,905 times
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brightdoglover - please look at my last sentence in my original post - "There are lots of options to consider" with regards to flexibility in living arrangements. A "home" is wherever one lives...it could be a planned community of single family homes for retired people, it could be a retirement home like my MIL lives in with private apartments and communal dining all under one roof, it could be a convalescent home or a variety of other places.....this is exactly what I mean when I said "lots of options" and maintaining "flexibility" with regards to "living arrangements." Where you live and the amount of independence you have is reliant on income and health and availability of appropriate "homes."
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Old 08-03-2007, 02:53 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
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Quote:
Originally Posted by brightdoglover View Post
"Retirement" means more than silver-haired foxes on the cover of AARP in virile coupledom on motorcycles!
It does



I'm off to look at home design software later today. While retirement is still a about 5 years off (please oh please) I'm constantly jotting down ideas to discuss with my mate. One concern to us is staying in our own home as long as possible. Being CF as well, we didn't breed the option spoken to us by so many parents ("who will take care of you when you get old?"). It's funny, but almost 20 years ago, when we were working with a contractor on the option of building a house (fell through) he made many suggestions that were slanted toward aging in your home. 3 foot wide doors rather than the standard (I think) 30 inches. Wide enough for wheelchair egress. An emphasis on openness and "paths" throughout the house. A custom tiled shower that didn't have a raised entrance and was big enough to place a handicapped bench, "just in case". (I see what he means, now. I could have used that these past few months when I had severe back issues and had to set a stool in the shower because I couldn't stand ). Being in our 30s and 40s back then, we *grimaced* at the extra cost and wanted to dismiss the ideas. Today, I'm keeping them in mind as we plan for what we know will be our last owned dwelling.

As far as location, 20 years ago we would have been happy in some remote aerie, barely accessible by a narrow, winding road. Now, when we visit a possible retirement spot (we still absolutely have to have space and quiet. no shoulder-to-shoulder developments for us) I take into account the fact that it needs to have fast accessibility to emergency vehicles and not too far from good medical facilities.

And now, having re-read my post, I'm getting depressed. It's hell to think of getting old
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Old 08-03-2007, 07:58 AM
 
Location: Prospect, KY
5,288 posts, read 17,951,905 times
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Silverwing, we have also thought we would like to stay in our home as long as possible. The thing that concerns us is that we see couples in our neighborhood who used to keep their yards and homes up beautifully 25 years ago when we first moved into our home. Now many of these couples are in the late 70's, early 80's and they have basically stopped doing much yard work (the gardener comes and mows the lawn but no one is planting or weeding the flower beds or pruning the trees and shrubs). Houses need painting and repair - porches need hosing off. I can only imagine how these houses look on the inside. These are nice little homes that used to be cared for. We rarely see these people any more - they are mostly house-bound.

I don't want to be part of that scenario....we have talked with our children and told them to gently tell us when it is time for us to move on to a different living arrangement....we hope we listen to them.
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Old 08-03-2007, 08:53 AM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,821,569 times
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My 82-year-old mother moved into an assisted living facility two weeks ago and so far, she loves it. My father died 6 years ago and she had been living alone since then. I shopped for her and cooked dinner for her, but she was alone about 23 1/2 hours out of every day. She had lost a bunch of weight, stopped doing any housework and her personal hygeine was suffering. I work full-time and have an eight-year-old daughter and could not keep up with our house and her house too.

My husband and I offered to buy a bigger house and move her in with us, but she did not want us to do that. However, I think the offer made her realize that we were truly concerned about her and also that it was time she needed to do something. So, one day she told me she was ready all the pieces quickly fell into place.

Although it's only been 2 weeks, I feel like I have my mom back. She's clean, her hair is done, she's gained a few pounds and, most importantly, she's happy. She relates conversations she has at mealtimes and she was very excited one day to tell me that there had been a birthday party and a sing-along.

I'll happily move into an assisted living facility when it's time and I'm going to do my best to never put my daughter in a position of having to worry about my health or safety. I'd move in with my daughter if she truly wanted me to, but I imagine we'd both be happier if we were in our own spaces.
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Old 08-03-2007, 02:24 PM
 
13,313 posts, read 25,546,272 times
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brightdoglover - please look at my last sentence in my original post - "There are lots of options to consider" with regards to flexibility in living arrangements. A "home" is wherever one lives...


Ah, sorry for my carelessness. You're right, of course.
I'm casting an eye on Erickson communiies. I had posted a question if anyone had experience with them, but no one answered. I am eight years away from qualifying for one (62) and I deeply love my home, which is as appropriate for an older person as possible- six years old, vinyl siding, I hire out yard work and handy work, first-floor bathroom and bedroom. (And anyone can break an ankle- you don't have to consider great disability or very infirm aging to need a first-floor bed/bath. I learned this when I twisted my ankle and had to sleep in the living room because the bathroom was on the first floor).
Frankly, the Erickson or similar type community sounds great. An indoor pool, resturants meals, and you can lock the door and travel without worrying about the house.
Sometimes I wish I didn't love my house so much, but it is my custom dream house, and only 1200 sq.ft. A lot of retirement houses/condos/apartments are a whole lot bigger.
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Old 08-03-2007, 09:04 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,183,357 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cattknap View Post
Silverwing, we have also thought we would like to stay in our home as long as possible. The thing that concerns us is that we see couples in our neighborhood who used to keep their yards and homes up beautifully 25 years ago when we first moved into our home.
One reason I didn't need to get a regular job during college was because I lived with my grandmother in a neighborhood where there were a lot of older people. I made a tidy sum mowing yards, keep landscapes in good order, shoveling snow from the driveways, being a bit of a handy person around their houses .... Mind, all these people had kids who could have done that. Later, before Dh and I moved to the country, we lived in a neighborhood of older homes and older people. Our neighbors were an 80s couple living in a decaying house. In their youth, they had kept their house and yard up, but it became the scenario you describe. It would have been tempting to help them out, just from being kind, but they had kids in town who should have been responsible. I wasn't going to look after a couple of oldsters when they already had their resources. So, yeahhh, I know about how it gets for older people.

We keep all that in mind planning for the next 20-30 years of our lives. Probably more so because we don't have kids. I'm sure a lot of the older people I dealt with when I was young were disappointed in having to hire a teenager to look after their property, expecting that their kids would be there to help out when they got too old to do it for themselves.
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Old 08-03-2007, 09:24 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
2,657 posts, read 7,183,357 times
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Quote:
I'm casting an eye on Erickson communiies.
[moderator cut[/url]

Well, those look neat. Oldtown, USA

I think we'd be amenable to something like that if we could afford it. My grandmother moved into a senior citizens apartment complex; this was back in the early 80s. Talk about dreary. They had sizable apartments: bedroom/bath/living room/kitchen. Probably about 600 sq ft. But the only favorable thing you could say about the place was that it was secure. No grounds to walk on, an activity room but no scheduled activities except religious services on Sunday. Occupancy was 99% female and all they did was huddle in their apartments watching tv, hoping for a visit from their kids/grandkids or going down to sit in the activity room to gossip about one another and engage in squabbles. There were ever changing factions; you'd walk in and see clusters of women with chairs pulled into groups. Often one woman would get voted out of the group, or something, and would try to gain entrance to another clique. It was dee-pressing I would rather be left to decay in a run down house than suffer that life.

Last edited by Waterlily; 08-04-2007 at 01:27 AM.. Reason: Link not working;plus no ads
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Old 08-03-2007, 10:35 PM
 
4,948 posts, read 16,517,317 times
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wonder I do, If I may , being single, move in with my adored dog, now Hollywood, she is real cute, obeys? no, spoiled? maybe!
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Old 08-04-2007, 08:04 AM
 
Location: California
66,459 posts, read 16,367,915 times
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Sometimes the best thing for a human is to live with your pet. Studies have shown that you will live healthier and happier
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Old 08-04-2007, 03:48 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
13,784 posts, read 23,800,954 times
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Back to the original posting question, no I would not move in with my kids and I would resist moving to a retirement home unless reaching the point of physically being incapable of living independently.

In anticipation, when I retired earlier this year we moved into a home with a first floor master bedroom and bath, allowing for single floor living if needed as we age. We have an upstairs with bedrooms and bathrooms, currently for family and friends who come out here and visit. In selecting our home, we kept in mind what is preferred to accommodate aging. Having parents still alive and independent, I get a great look at what becomes more critical as you age.

The development has three supermarkets and two drugstores (plus pharmacies inside of the supermarkets) within 2.5 miles of the house. This allows us to minimize use of a car if needed as we age too.

However, that is for the distant future, right now we are landscaping, traveling and having a blast, and plan to keep doing so for the next couple or few decades.
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