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Old 08-16-2007, 10:40 PM
 
Location: Moved to town. Miss 'my' woods and critters.
25,463 posts, read 12,220,448 times
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As a 'senior citizen', I would live with my sons if the time came that I could not be on my own. But they would have to ask for me to come to their home. I could never ask myself. That, to me would be putting a burden on them. I would much prefer to maintain my own home and continue to be independent.

At some point in the future I may have to face the possibility of requesting assistance for my husband, due to certain health issues he has. However, he has made it abundantly clear that he also does not want to be a burden on anyone. Would I actually consider an assisted living arrangement? I think so.

But please, not one of those 'nursing homes' that one hears about so often with little or no care and in some situations, really 'bad' care.

Good topic, has made me think a little bit more.
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Old 08-18-2007, 09:10 AM
 
Location: California
66,456 posts, read 16,366,589 times
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My dad passed away last December due to Alzheimer and Parkinsons. It was very hard for everyone.My mom kept him at home all the time.We had 2 helpers 24/7. Mom and dad had a beautiful relationship that lasted 62 years. It was hard on mom with nightly changing other happenings at night,I stayed a few nights at a time,it was hard because I had to visit clients. Just getting up was a challenge.
We all thought that taking dad to a home was very cold and cruel.There were times when he had to go to a convalescence home where they had hospital beds for some treatment. Me,my sister,mom and the helpers were the 24/7.We had a cot,and stayed there at night,it was impossible to sleep,nurses came in and out all the time.We were surprised to see very few visitors,or non at all.you really had to tell the nurses what to do,I had to help them because some were rough.My dad would groan because it hurt,they ddn't care.and these were the better hospitals and nursing homes.
I saw some patients were left there with no quick help..Those patients were lonely,I would visit them,and talk to them. There were asian owned nursing homes,and the nice thing was that the families were there all the time.Great support
I know that it's hard,but I think our parents have been there for us. Just wanted to let you guys know how I feel
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Old 08-21-2007, 10:04 AM
 
15,254 posts, read 16,819,147 times
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I'm sorry about the loss of your father but it sounds like you took good care of him. He was a lucky man.

I'm seeing lots of negative comments on here about "sticking" parents into retirement homes and assisted living and have to say that there is not a one-size-fits-all solution to taking care of the elderly. My mom moved into an assisted living facility about a month ago and it's safe to say that she's better off now than she has been in 3 years. She has help with activities of daily living, she's eating nutritious food that she likes and she has someone to eat with and talk to anytime she wants. Even if she were living with me, she'd still be home alone until 5:30 or later every evening and she doesn't much like my cooking. (We eat mostly vegetarian and she's more about biscuits and gravy.)

I'm sure the facility makes all the difference and the one that she is in is a non-profit run by Carmelite sisters. The sisters are all very sweet and loving as is the staff. I still see her 2-3 times a week and have had her over to dinner twice since she moved.

When I dropped her off a couple of nights ago I found myself thinking, "only 35-40 years til I can move in here!" Woo-hoo! No more dishes to wash!

I'll work hard to keep my mom out of a nursing home, but this assisted living facility is working out very well for her.
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Old 08-21-2007, 11:27 AM
 
Location: California
66,456 posts, read 16,366,589 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
I'm sorry about the loss of your father but it sounds like you took good care of him. He was a lucky man.

I'm seeing lots of negative comments on here about "sticking" parents into retirement homes and assisted living and have to say that there is not a one-size-fits-all solution to taking care of the elderly. My mom moved into an assisted living facility about a month ago and it's safe to say that she's better off now than she has been in 3 years. She has help with activities of daily living, she's eating nutritious food that she likes and she has someone to eat with and talk to anytime she wants. Even if she were living with me, she'd still be home alone until 5:30 or later every evening and she doesn't much like my cooking. (We eat mostly vegetarian and she's more about biscuits and gravy.)

I'm sure the facility makes all the difference and the one that she is in is a non-profit run by Carmelite sisters. The sisters are all very sweet and loving as is the staff. I still see her 2-3 times a week and have had her over to dinner twice since she moved.

When I dropped her off a couple of nights ago I found myself thinking, "only 35-40 years til I can move in here!" Woo-hoo! No more dishes to wash!

I'll work hard to keep my mom out of a nursing home, but this assisted living facility is working out very well for her.
Marlow,I added this thread to the relationship forum What ever happened to respect for elderly?
I think we should be more compassionate about elderly care. We need to be sharing this parent and child in more perspective.
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Old 12-22-2007, 10:01 PM
 
Location: Salt Lake City, Utah
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Yes, unfortunately the world has changed when it comes to seniors and what happens when they age or have health problems. 30 years ago, Most children took care of their parents or hired a nurse to check on them at their house but now nursing homes are popping up everywhere and that is now view as an alternative. In my opinion, I think we should have some sort of law limiting the rights that the children have in cases where the parents are fine and want to remain at their home. My grandfather (76 years old) had the same problems with his children. He broke his hip in July but amazingly pulled through surgery without complications and is walking without help again, but my uncles (being as greedy as they are) put him in Assisted Living/Nursing Home just to get him out of his house, because they had been trying to get him to sell his house for years but he told them that he wanted to live out his days and die at the home he built, but apparently the property values in his area are too good to pass up. That is why we need a law on this kind of Elder Abuse to look out for the best interests of the older generation as they age.
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Old 12-23-2007, 06:42 AM
 
Location: Home is where the heart is
15,400 posts, read 25,815,911 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlow View Post
When I dropped her off a couple of nights ago I found myself thinking, "only 35-40 years til I can move in here!" Woo-hoo! No more dishes to wash!

I'll work hard to keep my mom out of a nursing home, but this assisted living facility is working out very well for her.
LOL, there's a lot of truth to this. Some assisted living facilities are really nice. My parents moved into a retirement village at a very young age. (Hot Springs Village, as many of you know.) For 16 years they owned a house on a lake. I thought they had found paradise.

They never wanted to live with us, they wanted to spend the rest of their lives in Arkansas. I just assumed they would always stay in th lake house.

Then, one day they suddenly announced they were moving into assisted living.



I was horrified! And... I was scared. Was something wrong? As far as I knew there were no serious health problems.

So I took off for Arkansas to check the place out... and was impressed. This was no depressing nursing home. This was a beautiful townhouse with a lake view, plus maid service, maintenance and caretakers checking in on them.

They had moved in "a little early" because the townhouse they wanted became available. They lived there for 5 years. They liked living there, and moving them in was relatively stress free, because they were still in good health.

About a year after they moved in mom developed lymphoma and dad's prostate cancer recurred. Suddenly they could barely move,and everything was painful. I'm glad they were already settled in before having to go through this. The assisted living care they received was wonderful, better than anything we could have provided.

Lessons learned: Don't just pick a "retirement home" for your parents. There are nice places out there, and the future residents should be the one to pick the place they're going to live. Choose a place before things go wrong.
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