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Old 05-31-2011, 08:46 AM
 
507 posts, read 609,489 times
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Default Moving away from adult children

Has anybody here retired or semi-retired and moved away from adult kids?

My husband and I are in the process of moving from Ohio to Florida. Our move won't be final until December but we are set to go, sold our house, winding down business, etc.

I love the area where we are moving and I am looking forward to this adventure with my husband. We've worked pretty hard to make this happen.

Lately, now that the house has sold.... I'm having pangs of guilt and anxiety about "leaving" my 26 year old son "behind"... He has his own place with his girlfriend and is doing pretty well, so I don't really know why I am feeling this way.

Can anyone relate, and if so, how did things turn out for you?
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Old 05-31-2011, 09:20 AM
 
Location: The Triad (nc)
17,194 posts, read 21,839,868 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GrainOfSalt View Post
I'm having pangs of guilt and anxiety about "leaving" my 26 year old son "behind"...
He has his own place with his girlfriend and is doing pretty well, so I don't really know why I am feeling this way.
1) Ultimately you need to do what is right for your own selves regardless of what other factors might influence that.
Not harshly or cruelly of course but out of "motivated self interest".

2) You mention only the one child... it's a lot harder with more kids and young grands in the picture.

3) A 26yo who is "doing pretty well" today is a very good (and rare) thing.
3a) A still single, childless, adult has countless other opportunities to explore many of which may be more easily accomplished after the folks have broken the family trail out of OH.

Good luck.
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Old 05-31-2011, 09:45 AM
 
Location: NY & Fl
10,961 posts, read 7,558,525 times
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Yes , we did it.
Although we do come back for summers, it's more similar to visiting than 'being here'
Truthfully, with IM's, email, web cams and FB, for those that use them ,there's not much of a feel of separation like it was when an occassional phone call or letter was all there was.
Sometimes it's still too much contact
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Old 06-01-2011, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Tennessee
1,339 posts, read 2,504,479 times
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We did it too. We left CT and our then 27 year old son behind who has a girlfriend. He has his own apartment up there. When we lived there, we didn't see him all the time. We do miss being close by for holidays, barbecues, etc., but we talk all the time. We probably talk more now than when we lived there. We have flown him down once a year for a week or so and enjoy it. Life has to go on and if it's better for you to be in FL, then take it a day at a time & enjoy.

I grew up in NY. My brothers moved to both CO and AL far away from us. I was the only one to live close to my parents. I don't think families stay close like they did years ago.

I bet your son will enjoy visiting you in FL for a nice sunny vacation!
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Old 06-01-2011, 07:57 AM
 
Location: Manassas, VA
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Ok - I'm not a parent but I can tell you what my co-worker just went through. His daughter lives in San Diego with her husband. He lives here in Northern Virginia but has aspiration to move back up north in New England. He decided however, that he and his wife would probably move out to be close to their daughter....so, they are looking at houses and such and their daughter informs them that she'll be leaving the area and moving to another state within the next year or so.... He then was telling a friend about this, saying that he was glad he hadn't bought anything... And his friend relayed to him his own story of buying a place near where both of his children lived - only to have both of his children move away in three years time....and then he was left by himself in an area he never wanted to be in in the first place. His advice was this:

Don't follow your children. Go where you want to go because - that's exactly what your kids will do and then you might be stuck. You can always visit them! Bottom line - live where YOU want to live.
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Old 06-01-2011, 08:05 AM
 
Location: Newport, NC
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Don't follow your children. Go where you want to go because - that's exactly what your kids will do and then you might be stuck. You can always visit them! Bottom line - live where YOU want to live.[/quote]

That's exactly what my wife and I intend to do. In another year or so, we're headed a little bit south. Our kids who are currently in Denver and Pasadena can come visit us. We already know from history that they'll be moving again, but we intend to stay put once we retire.
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Old 06-01-2011, 09:00 AM
 
17,789 posts, read 16,860,694 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GrainOfSalt View Post
Has anybody here retired or semi-retired and moved away from adult kids?

My husband and I are in the process of moving from Ohio to Florida. Our move won't be final until December but we are set to go, sold our house, winding down business, etc.

I love the area where we are moving and I am looking forward to this adventure with my husband. We've worked pretty hard to make this happen.

Lately, now that the house has sold.... I'm having pangs of guilt and anxiety about "leaving" my 26 year old son "behind"... He has his own place with his girlfriend and is doing pretty well, so I don't really know why I am feeling this way.

Can anyone relate, and if so, how did things turn out for you?
We were kids in FL and moved north when I was in 6th grade. My brother moved back at 18, my sis at 20-something when she got married. I never got back there. Parents moved back down there a few years ago thinking that was where they'd be happiest, and they lasted 3 years. Came back up here, lived with me for a year while they built a house, and never looked back. So they had kids in both directions - that really didn't matter in the end. What mattered is where they felt most "at home". They have a lot of family here (not me - but their own cousins and such) and that is what makes them happy.
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Old 06-01-2011, 09:21 AM
 
Location: The Triad (nc)
17,194 posts, read 21,839,868 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vermonter16 View Post
Don't follow your children. Go where you want to go because...
Another vote for this very good common sense.
Been there. oi!
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Old 06-01-2011, 11:30 AM
 
507 posts, read 609,489 times
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Thank you everyone for the responses, it really helped! I talked to my son yesterday and admitted to being anxious about "leaving him" and he laughed and told me DON'T WORRY! So... I suppose I am just having some irrational fears. Part of it may be that my own mother never encouraged any of us to leave the area and in fact got quite upset when we did and laid some pretty heavy guilt trips. I've lived about an hour and a half from her the last 13 years... but my issues with her are for a different post. I *want* my son to do as he pleases and to go where he will be happy.

Even though we are moving out of our house this month, we won't be in FL full time until December and are renting an apartment while my husband takes care of some business things. Sometime before December I'm going to take my son and his girlfriend to FL for a week or so and show them all around our new area. I think I will feel better then too because as of now he hasn't been there, seen the new place, etc.

I just need to get over all my jitters. I mean we planned long and hard for this, and really want to do it... I'm actually kind of surprised to be having these bouts of anxiety, lol...

Thanks again everyone... hearing your thoughts and stories is just what I needed
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Old 06-01-2011, 11:37 AM
 
433 posts, read 562,879 times
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I agree with what everyone, including your son, said. Don't worry. Your idea of taking your son and his GF to Florida to show them around is a good one, very kind and generous.

Good luck with your move and enjoy the new place!
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