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Old 06-02-2011, 02:37 PM
 
Location: NM
462 posts, read 872,675 times
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We are considering two places to move to. One place is near family (though "family" hardly gets along with each other). The other location has alot of pluses to it (comfortable weather, beauty, social organizations that we enjoy.. however, we don't know anybody there). Somehow, I have a tendency in my thinking to feel like as I get older (am 62) that I should be closer to family (even though family has never been supportive). I keep thinking about if we were to get very old and very sick, who would take care of us. I'm wondering if anyone has insight into this kind of decision-making. What you decided and why?
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Old 06-02-2011, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
21,539 posts, read 44,010,725 times
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You are young enough now to go anywhere. Since there is a 'we', just do it. But keep the option of moving nearer to 'family' open. Things change as one ages and health changes. Barring unforeseen events, you've got 20 good years or more ahead, so do what you want for now.

Last edited by Ariadne22; 06-02-2011 at 03:09 PM..
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Old 06-02-2011, 04:09 PM
 
4,574 posts, read 7,059,483 times
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I've wrestled with this issue for a long while too...but came to realize that if family isn't "supportive' at 62, they won't be at 72 or 82 either. And if you move near them and at some point need their help, they might help but it won't be for the right reasons...it will out of obligation not love. It's sometimes a hard pill to swallow but facing the truth about relationships is very important as we age. You have someone to move with and do things with, so you'll be fine moving to the place you really want to move to. 62 is young...go for it!
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Old 06-02-2011, 04:52 PM
 
433 posts, read 991,957 times
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I agree with loveautumn.
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Old 06-02-2011, 06:04 PM
 
Location: Verde Valley AZ
8,618 posts, read 9,682,513 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northanna_2001 View Post
We are considering two places to move to. One place is near family (though "family" hardly gets along with each other). The other location has alot of pluses to it (comfortable weather, beauty, social organizations that we enjoy.. however, we don't know anybody there). Somehow, I have a tendency in my thinking to feel like as I get older (am 62) that I should be closer to family (even though family has never been supportive). I keep thinking about if we were to get very old and very sick, who would take care of us. I'm wondering if anyone has insight into this kind of decision-making. What you decided and why?
I moved back near my family twice in the last 14 years! I was never that far away anyway, since 1995, but that last move back was THE "last move back". My family has lived in this town since 1931 and it's been "home" for all of us since we were born. Many of us have left and come back numerous times, some live in town and most live within 100 miles. This includes not just my own family unit but all the cousins, their kids, grandkids, etc. etc.. We can ALL be together in two hours, if we want. Even with all that I would never ever want to count on ANY of them to "take care of" me when I'm really old. So, I'll stay right where I am...till the "bitter end"~lol...and not depend on family at all.

Two of my kids live out of state and one is 45 miles away. We stay in touch just fine. But I would never depend on THEM for my benefit either.I think you need to do what is best for YOU and things have a way of working themselves out, over time. You will, hopefully, have a long time to figure out what you'll do when you are "very old and sick". I would never try to depend on family and especially those who aren't "supportive" in the first place.
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Old 06-02-2011, 06:32 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles area
14,018 posts, read 17,737,509 times
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Default A very similar thread is only three days older than this one.

To the OP: In case you missed it, you will want to check out a very similar thread in the Retirement Forum entitled "Moving away from adult children" which was started just three days before you started this one. You said you want to know other people's experiences, and there are a number of them there.
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Old 06-02-2011, 07:09 PM
 
48,516 posts, read 83,932,349 times
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If your talking about children then even when moving away they can take care of things. If they are not doing it now;then you likely are not hurting the situation really.I mean at 62 if your not close ;doubtful you ever will be really.You reaslly need to start thinking of make plans for that yourself is my belief;nopt rely on what you already don't trust ;sounds like.
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Old 06-03-2011, 09:26 AM
 
Location: Bar Harbor, ME
1,922 posts, read 3,779,535 times
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This is more complicated and not about moving near or far from family. Its about starting a new life somewhere else and meeting new friends and making new friends.

The key is the friends part. If there are not enough retired people in the community who are like you(same political views, same religious views, same stuff) and who are not xenophobic about new people, and who want to meet and get to know you, then this may not work.

If you want to talk privately about this, my wife and I are moving away from everything we know pretty much to a new place 650 miles north of where we are now. We've been exploring this process for 4 years and know about as much about it as anyone could.

Just use the direct mail below you name.
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Old 06-03-2011, 04:17 PM
 
Location: Sacramento
13,784 posts, read 23,809,056 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zarathu View Post
This is more complicated and not about moving near or far from family. Its about starting a new life somewhere else and meeting new friends and making new friends.

The key is the friends part. If there are not enough retired people in the community who are like you(same political views, same religious views, same stuff) and who are not xenophobic about new people, and who want to meet and get to know you, then this may not work.
I can appreciate your sentiments, having moved almost 5 years ago to an area where we knew nobody. We did it when just before I retired, with me going back to my place of employment for the last few months of my career (and my wife staying behind in our new residence).

Making friends though can be a good experience, and I've met a lot of folks who have different points of view than me when it comes to politics, different religious and ethnic backgrounds, and different wealth too. I haven't found these to be accurate measures of who I "click with" as a friend. I never found that making friends is easy if you take that as a specific objective, but happens quite easily if it is just a byproduct of other actions.

In my case, I've found that just getting out and doing things as a volunteer and getting active in civic functions has worked out very well in meeting folks and forming friendships. The political discussions we have aren't hostile, I know who enjoys discussing that stuff and who doesn't, who you can debate with and who just wants to state their view and be done with it, and who enjoys a deeper analytical process. Sometimes differences can lead to new understandings and growth (even if you continue to disagree) and this can be enjoyable too.

Just something else to keep in mind.
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Old 06-03-2011, 04:30 PM
 
Location: The Triad (NC)
28,497 posts, read 62,167,040 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Northanna_2001 View Post
I'm wondering if anyone has insight into this kind of decision-making. What you decided and why?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Donald Shimoda
Where were you born? Where is your home? Where are you going? What are you doing?
Think about these once in awhile, and watch your answers change.

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each others life.
Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illusions_%28Bach_novel%29

Last edited by MrRational; 06-03-2011 at 04:51 PM..
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