Old and In the Way (45+, inherit, retired, graduate)
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Around 25 years ago I was 35 years old, and started thinking about changing careers. Then I thought I was old, but now I think I was young. I started taking graduate classes, in psychology and then in linguistics, and I also started learning computer programming. All that probably seems totally unrelated, but to me it all made sense, and still does.
After 10 years of that, when I was 45, I had several degrees, including a PhD in linguistics. But of course I had not saved any money, having been a student for so long. At 45 I was just starting trying to get experience in IT, which was not that easy. But I did, because it was the internet bubble and anyone could get hired as a programmer, even a woman.
So I have been doing that as a career since then, and have been at my current job for 10 years. The field has always been mostly men, especially young men, and it still is, but I think more so. In the department where I work, it's strange to find anyone over 30. Let alone almost 60!
In the mean time I have been careful about saving money, trying to make up for so many years in school. Also, my first career was painting pictures and selling them, and I only made enough money to survive, not enough to save.
All the things I did were fun and interesting, to me. I hated having to make money, but did not realize at the time well that's life. My priority was learning and doing things I liked, and that's ok for a while, but eventually you have to get realistic. Which I think I did, and I think the amount I managed to save is above average.
Well anyway, what was my point? Well I am working as a computer programmer, because I had decided years ago it's a fun creative job that you can actually get paid for (well you could a while ago, not sure if there are any jobs any more).
And if there is a fun creative job you can get paid decently for, odds are the field has been taken over by men. And this one definitely has, it seems to me.
I still like doing this work, even though it changes constantly and as soon as you really know something it's obsolete. But that's ok, the basic concepts don't change much.
After all this time, I should be feeling confident about my job skills. But I don't. It seems like every time my 30 year old boss says anything to me, it is followed by an unspoken "you idiot." I mean, I actually can hear him thinking it!
So, I figured I must stay at this job at least 3 more years, to get the health retirement benefit, and to get early SS (because I will be 62 then).
Needless to say, I can't have an ego at this job. I always felt I was a smart and talented person, always driven to learn and accomplish things. But here, I'm just Old and In the Way. That's how it is.
Does anyone else here feel that way? How do you deal with it? My strategy is to pour my energy into my hobbies, and think of my job merely as a means to a paycheck.
When I "hear" my boss thinking "you idiot" I just pray and try to keep my mouth shut.
Around 25 years ago I was 35 years old, and started thinking about changing careers. Then I thought I was old, but now I think I was young. I started taking graduate classes, in psychology and then in linguistics, and I also started learning computer programming. All that probably seems totally unrelated, but to me it all made sense, and still does.
After 10 years of that, when I was 45, I had several degrees, including a PhD in linguistics. But of course I had not saved any money, having been a student for so long. At 45 I was just starting trying to get experience in IT, which was not that easy. But I did, because it was the internet bubble and anyone could get hired as a programmer, even a woman.
So I have been doing that as a career since then, and have been at my current job for 10 years. The field has always been mostly men, especially young men, and it still is, but I think more so. In the department where I work, it's strange to find anyone over 30. Let alone almost 60!
In the mean time I have been careful about saving money, trying to make up for so many years in school. Also, my first career was painting pictures and selling them, and I only made enough money to survive, not enough to save.
All the things I did were fun and interesting, to me. I hated having to make money, but did not realize at the time well that's life. My priority was learning and doing things I liked, and that's ok for a while, but eventually you have to get realistic. Which I think I did, and I think the amount I managed to save is above average.
Well anyway, what was my point? Well I am working as a computer programmer, because I had decided years ago it's a fun creative job that you can actually get paid for (well you could a while ago, not sure if there are any jobs any more).
And if there is a fun creative job you can get paid decently for, odds are the field has been taken over by men. And this one definitely has, it seems to me.
I still like doing this work, even though it changes constantly and as soon as you really know something it's obsolete. But that's ok, the basic concepts don't change much.
After all this time, I should be feeling confident about my job skills. But I don't. It seems like every time my 30 year old boss says anything to me, it is followed by an unspoken "you idiot." I mean, I actually can hear him thinking it!
So, I figured I must stay at this job at least 3 more years, to get the health retirement benefit, and to get early SS (because I will be 62 then).
Needless to say, I can't have an ego at this job. I always felt I was a smart and talented person, always driven to learn and accomplish things. But here, I'm just Old and In the Way. That's how it is.
Does anyone else here feel that way? How do you deal with it? My strategy is to pour my energy into my hobbies, and think of my job merely as a means to a paycheck.
When I "hear" my boss thinking "you idiot" I just pray and try to keep my mouth shut.
Congratulations on your various successes in life. My admiration for your accomplishments knows no bounds. Please do not allow your boss and his attitude to push you out before you are ready. It is indeed a bummer to have a boss who is not appreciative, but you correctly have your eye on a particular financial goal regarding retirement. The following may sound trite, but have you tried to focus on what is positive about your job? That it is at least intellectually stimulating? (Some are stuck in a boring, routine job where they can't stand the actual work.) We live in a youth-oriented culture, and you have triumphed by achieving a place not only as an older person in a young envirornment, but also as a female in a male environment. There were years when I also poured my energy into my hobbies - and I think that strategy saved my sanity - but it had nothing to do with young versus old. Best of luck.
Wow, what a heartfelt post. You have had an interesting career, and have gone your own way and been fulfilled in various ways. You remind me of a friend of mine (male, in his 70's) who is a computer whiz and is now doing contract programming for a bank because he's had a personal history like yours--not saved much, thought about learning and exploring instead of acquiring. But he's happy, doing his thing in the corner, and having his 30-year old boss evaluate his performance. But he can't afford to retire.
I too was in IT, for 20 years, not as a programmer, but as a tester first of all, then in QA, and finally managing software development. Herding programmers, in other words. At the end, I was pushing 60, and managing a group of programmers whose average age was 25, and who treated me like their mother. Not great for the ego, but it's what is. They mostly respected me, although, as a woman, upper management respect was almost always grudging.
So I have some sympathy for the way your life has played out. Perhaps you should shop your skills around and see if you can find a better gig. Or, perhaps, at this late date, think about sharpening some project management or other skills and stepping up to the management plate. I know, your personality might not be right for it. But at least find a boss who respects your experience.
Nothing like having a ' kid as a boss' ....I went back to my original career just to be "the Boss" again, my forays in other line of work where total failures. 4 Years to go till 62, I'll be out working part time before that!
I'm so sorry for your current situation, ifa. I recently retired from a company and worked there 20 years..not in IT, but I worked closely with the IT people. The IT supervisor is a 45+year-old woman and her boss is a 65-year-old man. All the people in that department have been there for 20+ years; many of them are women and they're definitely not young chicks. But they're all great in what they do and their boss (the 65-year old) recognizes greatness and appreciates it. I think he also gets out of their way a lot.
Congratulations on your various successes in life. My admiration for your accomplishments knows no bounds. Please do not allow your boss and his attitude to push you out before you are ready. It is indeed a bummer to have a boss who is not appreciative, but you correctly have your eye on a particular financial goal regarding retirement. The following may sound trite, but have you tried to focus on what is positive about your job? That it is at least intellectually stimulating? (Some are stuck in a boring, routine job where they can't stand the actual work.) We live in a youth-oriented culture, and you have triumphed by achieving a place not only as an older person in a young envirornment, but also as a female in a male environment. There were years when I also poured my energy into my hobbies - and I think that strategy saved my sanity - but it had nothing to do with young versus old. Best of luck.
I like my work and I love my hobbies, so I think I can stay sane for the next 3 years. I can't blame my boss for wanting to have young guys working for him. I think/hope he can tolerate me a little longer. I just try my best to be useful here and to not make mistakes. I think he would love an excuse to fire me, but I think/hope I am smart enough to not provide it.
It doesn't matter how progressive and enlightened a person thinks they are. We are all prejudiced and prefer to be around people similar to ourselves.
I realize I am blaming sex and age discrimination for not feeling appreciated. But what if the real cause is that I'm not very good at my job? I just have trouble believing that, knowing what a hardworking driven person I have always been. Also, given that I have a lot of experience in this work and I like doing it.
But it is also true that I am much lazier now than I used to be, since I feel that if I do 99 things right one little thing not perfectly, my boss will still think "you idiot." So why even bother trying?
Well, my goal is mostly to not get fired. Don't make mistakes, don't make anyone mad.
And I just keep thinking "Three more years, three more years."
Wow, what a heartfelt post. You have had an interesting career, and have gone your own way and been fulfilled in various ways. You remind me of a friend of mine (male, in his 70's) who is a computer whiz and is now doing contract programming for a bank because he's had a personal history like yours--not saved much, thought about learning and exploring instead of acquiring. But he's happy, doing his thing in the corner, and having his 30-year old boss evaluate his performance. But he can't afford to retire.
I too was in IT, for 20 years, not as a programmer, but as a tester first of all, then in QA, and finally managing software development. Herding programmers, in other words. At the end, I was pushing 60, and managing a group of programmers whose average age was 25, and who treated me like their mother. Not great for the ego, but it's what is. They mostly respected me, although, as a woman, upper management respect was almost always grudging.
So I have some sympathy for the way your life has played out. Perhaps you should shop your skills around and see if you can find a better gig. Or, perhaps, at this late date, think about sharpening some project management or other skills and stepping up to the management plate. I know, your personality might not be right for it. But at least find a boss who respects your experience.
Oh no, I'm not going to end up as a contractor when I'm 70! I started saving late, but I made up for it by saving about $30k every year. So I think I'll be ok to retire.
I don't feel like searching for a better job. It's better to suffer from age discrimination here than go someplace else and get the same, or maybe worse.
How would I even get hired? No, I am hanging on here.
I'm so sorry for your current situation, ifa. I recently retired from a company and worked there 20 years..not in IT, but I worked closely with the IT people. The IT supervisor is a 45+year-old woman and her boss is a 65-year-old man. All the people in that department have been there for 20+ years; many of them are women and they're definitely not young chicks. But they're all great in what they do and their boss (the 65-year old) recognizes greatness and appreciates it. I think he also gets out of their way a lot.
Actually, there are older people here in this IT department, just not in the group I'm in. My manager was hired here when he was 18, because he is a computer genius. He inherited some of us from the previous manager, but everyone he hires is under 30 and male. And now I'm the only over 30 left. When my last over-40 co-worker quit, I was very sad. He was right to get out, because he was still far from retirement. I think I was right to hang on, though.
Ifa, I cannot imagine how difficult your work position is. But knowing that you can retire in 3 years hopefully will help. You were wise to put yourself in a position that you could save for retirement. I have a good friend who is an artist. She is extremely talented and bright, but as you know, making a living as an artist is very difficult. She is close to retirement age and has no money saved. She can barely pay her bills, always worried about not enough money coming in.
I so wish that she had been a bit more practical in her career choice, since her economic future is not very promising.
I am guessing that most of us who have approached retirement age in a place where there were close co-workers have faced obvious age discrimination. Grey hair in most American professional workplaces is like wearing a "kick-me" sign on your back.
I too went through a lot of jobs before settling into a professional career of my choosing. I pumped gas back before service stations went extinct, I was a jet fighter mechanic in the Service, I drove semi-trucks, I was a student of biology for almost a decade, I was a researcher at a nuclear waste site and a biology lab teacher, I worked as an international and a domestic agricultural inspector and lastly, I worked as a USDA headquarters staff wildlife biologist and eviro-scientist. It costs a lot of money everytime I changed jobs but I am now retired and quite happy just to be able to tell my grandchildren of my travels and adventures. What I learned from all this is that a job is a job no matter what it is but retirement can be wonderful if that is what you really want.
Hang in there. I'm betting you will make it.
Best of luck.
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