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Old 12-09-2011, 02:02 PM
 
1 posts, read 3,544 times
Reputation: 11

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Wow! after reading all this comments, my mind is kinda doubtful right now whether to have children or not. It really made me think deeply. Hubby and I both love to travel, love to work full time, love to have freedom to go anywhere any time and love to do adventure things (sky diving, hiking, camping, snow boarding, and road trips). We both enjoy our time together and the privacy that we have right now. Lately, Hubby and I are planning to have children. However, after reading this forum, my mind is kinda confuse of whether I really want to have children.

I have several questions in my mind right now.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of having children?
What are the advantages and disadvantages of being childfree?
What benefits you can get of having chidren and being childfree?

I am also thingking that maybe I dont really like to have children, maybe I just want to have one because it is the normal thing that people do since the world began. I also feel that I won't fit in the society if I dont have one. I am really confused right now.

Or maybe I just want to have kids to follow the ecology of life

Birth-school-more school-get married-have children-retired-death.

Almost people in the world follow this kind of trend in life. This is what people know about.

I am confuse because I don't want to regret when I get old not to have a child but I also don't want to regret of missing things in life because I decided to have a child.

As of now, Hubby and I are happily married without a child.
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Old 12-09-2011, 02:52 PM
 
Location: Lexington, SC
4,281 posts, read 11,305,108 times
Reputation: 3737
I am also thingking that maybe I dont really like to have children, maybe I just want to have one because it is the normal thing that people do since the world began. I also feel that I won't fit in the society if I dont have one. I am really confused right now.

Or maybe I just want to have kids to follow the ecology of life

Birth-school-more school-get married-have children-retired-death.

Almost people in the world follow this kind of trend in life. This is what people know about.

I am confuse because I don't want to regret when I get old not to have a child but I also don't want to regret of missing things in life because I decided to have a child.

As of now, Hubby and I are happily married without a child.

I have always encouraged/advised that people do not have to do as others have done no matter the pressure form others to do as they did. Misery loves company.

I love little nippers, as long as they are not mine and can be returned to the manufacturer....including my own grand children.

I also believe a couple without children will have an easier life (economically, peace and quiet, and peace of mind) then most with children will have....watch the grief I take on this.

If childless and happy, then I suggest you stay that way. Life will be easier and more enjoyable and there is nothing wrong with that.

Dump the guilt/traditions and enjoy life.....LOL

For clarification. I have two children and now have grand children (via one of the two) from an early in my life marriage. My present wife (of 35 years) and I have no children nor has she ever had a child. It was a discussed and mutully agreeable decision (before we married) that we would not have children. A decision we do not regret.

Last edited by accufitgolf; 12-09-2011 at 03:13 PM..
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Old 12-09-2011, 05:21 PM
 
Location: Wisconsin
23,039 posts, read 48,975,477 times
Reputation: 17510
Quote:
Originally Posted by accufitgolf View Post
I also believe a couple without children will have an easier life (economically, peace and quiet, and peace of mind) then most with children will have....watch the grief I take on this.
Oh, absolutely. Having kids is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get. Hopefully, they are healthy and well-adjusted. But, not all of them are - depending on genetics and life's little accidents along the way. I have never, for the life of me, been able to understand people who have numerous children. Must be an enormous faith in God and/or life taking care of itself - or indifference.

Children, if you are a thinking, intelligent person, are an ENORMOUS responsibility - which you have your entire life. They don't bring up themselves, and they don't go away just because they grow up. Especially, these days, with homeless adult children coming home in large numbers with THEIR children to live once again, with Mom and Pop. No indeed, once born, they are with you forever.

I have one son. I enjoy him a lot. More than I thought I would. I never even played with dolls when I was a kid and could just as easily not have had any children and been just as happy. He and his wife have enhanced my life. They have no children and I don't care one whit. I know many others whose children - especially if there are several or more and the product of single-parent homes - create enormous stresses for their parents their entire lives. In these uncertain economic times, I would think very, very carefully about starting a family.

It's the luck of the draw, in some respects.
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Old 12-09-2011, 06:11 PM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
4,085 posts, read 4,581,179 times
Reputation: 7557
Quote:
Originally Posted by mattleah09 View Post
Wow! after reading all this comments, my mind is kinda doubtful right now whether to have children or not. It really made me think deeply. Hubby and I both love to travel, love to work full time, love to have freedom to go anywhere any time and love to do adventure things (sky diving, hiking, camping, snow boarding, and road trips). We both enjoy our time together and the privacy that we have right now. Lately, Hubby and I are planning to have children. However, after reading this forum, my mind is kinda confuse of whether I really want to have children.

I have several questions in my mind right now.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of having children?
What are the advantages and disadvantages of being childfree?
What benefits you can get of having chidren and being childfree?

I am also thingking that maybe I dont really like to have children, maybe I just want to have one because it is the normal thing that people do since the world began. I also feel that I won't fit in the society if I dont have one. I am really confused right now.

Or maybe I just want to have kids to follow the ecology of life

Birth-school-more school-get married-have children-retired-death.

Almost people in the world follow this kind of trend in life. This is what people know about.

I am confuse because I don't want to regret when I get old not to have a child but I also don't want to regret of missing things in life because I decided to have a child.

As of now, Hubby and I are happily married without a child.
I'm thinking you're not ready to have a child. You might want to share your feelings with Hubby, y'know?
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Old 12-09-2011, 06:42 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,601 posts, read 33,032,692 times
Reputation: 29158
Quote:
Originally Posted by accufitgolf View Post
I am also thingking that maybe I dont really like to have children, maybe I just want to have one because it is the normal thing that people do since the world began. I also feel that I won't fit in the society if I dont have one. I am really confused right now.

Or maybe I just want to have kids to follow the ecology of life

Birth-school-more school-get married-have children-retired-death.

Almost people in the world follow this kind of trend in life. This is what people know about.

I am confuse because I don't want to regret when I get old not to have a child but I also don't want to regret of missing things in life because I decided to have a child.

As of now, Hubby and I are happily married without a child.

I have always encouraged/advised that people do not have to do as others have done no matter the pressure form others to do as they did. Misery loves company.

I love little nippers, as long as they are not mine and can be returned to the manufacturer....including my own grand children.

I also believe a couple without children will have an easier life (economically, peace and quiet, and peace of mind) then most with children will have....watch the grief I take on this.

If childless and happy, then I suggest you stay that way. Life will be easier and more enjoyable and there is nothing wrong with that.

Dump the guilt/traditions and enjoy life.....LOL

For clarification. I have two children and now have grand children (via one of the two) from an early in my life marriage. My present wife (of 35 years) and I have no children nor has she ever had a child. It was a discussed and mutully agreeable decision (before we married) that we would not have children. A decision we do not regret.
Look on the bright side. Having children is not an imperative. You have a 50-50 chance of having them and wishing you didn't, or not having them and wishing you did. Like most of life, it's a total crap-shoot.

I have five, my wife has two and between us we have 10 grandchildren with another one on the way. We don't regret any of them. At the same time, we both acknowledge that our lives would have been infinitely less cluttered, confusing and expensive without them and that is true through today and beyond.

But on the other hand, would our lives be duller and less fulfilling? We'll never know!
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Old 12-09-2011, 07:37 PM
 
Location: delaware
698 posts, read 922,306 times
Reputation: 2423
my husband and i never had children,although we had considered it for a brief time, but ultimately decided against it. we were married 36 years before his death, and it was a decision that we never regretted. actually we often said, as we grew older, that we became more certain we had made the right choice.

i was an only child raised in a household of six middle aged adults. i became a part of the adult world fairly quickly, and learned to love their conversations, their secrets, and their humor. the few cousins i had were older so other children were not a part of the household on a regular basis. my husband was the oldest of five and much of his youth was spent being surrogate parent to the younger siblings. by the time we married he was very tired of this responsibility and was probably more aware than some of his contemporaries of the down side of parenting.

we had an unusually emotionally close relationship, and although i hate the cliche, we were each others' best friend. although we both had careers, the center of our life was our life together , not the work world, and the decision to remain childless was based on what we wanted our relationship to be rather than any externals. i don't think either of us felt anything lacking in the relationship by not having children, and i think, to some extent, it would have been difficult to establish the level of closeness that we had if we had been parents. on the other hand, unlike some people, we were never interested in a "family life"- little league games, pta meetings, birthday parties, etc. however i'm certainly aware that some couples really enjoy this kind of life, could not imagine life without a child, and would feel deprived if they could not experience it.


it is obviously a very personal decision and i have always felt that parenting is a mixed bag. i never had the interest or motivation to become a parent ; i never regretted it at age 40, and i don't regret it at age 68. i'm certain i would love any child or grandchild that i had, but it would have meant living a very different life. i am very satisfied with the life i had.

catsy girl
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Old 12-09-2011, 07:57 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,601 posts, read 33,032,692 times
Reputation: 29158
Quote:
Originally Posted by catsy girl View Post
i am very satisfied with the life i had.

catsy girl
In the end, that's all that matters.
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Old 12-09-2011, 08:32 PM
 
Location: Texas
40 posts, read 76,061 times
Reputation: 81
My husband and I were always happy about being childfree. We retired early and moved to a new town to start our new life but he died within a year of moving.

I wonder if having children would make the loss easier? I've talked to others who have lost a spouse and they say having children has given them a reason to go on.
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Old 12-09-2011, 09:23 PM
 
Location: delaware
698 posts, read 922,306 times
Reputation: 2423
Quote:
Originally Posted by desertrose09 View Post
My husband and I were always happy about being childfree. We retired early and moved to a new town to start our new life but he died within a year of moving.

I wonder if having children would make the loss easier? I've talked to others who have lost a spouse and they say having children has given them a reason to go on.


your experience sounds similar to mine. we had lived in a new location about 15 months when my husband died. even though it was a new town i had great support from new friends, neighbors, and church group. although i was often lonely i never felt alone; however i did sometimes wonder if children might have made the loss easier to accept. i have come to the conclusion that a parent-child bond is a completely different kind of connection than a husband and wife have, and although i perhaps might have welcomed the comfort of a child it would not have filled the void left by my husband. we had known each other since childhood and had a multitude of shared memories and history that nothing can replace.

although i have had another man in my life for some years now, and feel very grateful for the life i have,even this relationship, as fulfiling as it is, does not compensate for my husband's loss. he knew me longer and better than anyone else and i will always miss his knowledge of me. i have a good life, though a different one than i thought i would have, but that loss will always be a part of it. i don't feel a child or anyone else could ever be a substitute for what i had.

catsy girl

Last edited by catsy girl; 12-09-2011 at 09:25 PM.. Reason: word addition
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Old 12-09-2011, 10:40 PM
 
Location: Texas
40 posts, read 76,061 times
Reputation: 81
[quote=catsy girl;22057793] i have come to the conclusion that a parent-child bond is a completely different kind of connection than a husband and wife have, and although i perhaps might have welcomed the comfort of a child it would not have filled the void left by my husband.




You are so right.
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