Still pleased with being childless by choice as an elder? (parenthood, psycho)

[HarryLou]

Originally Posted by catsy girl

... it would have meant living a very different life.

That is the heart of it.
Adding that maybe nothing prepares you.

[LivingDeadGirl]

I have never regretted my choice (and thankfully I HAD a choice) to not have children. In my old age, I am doubly thankful I never had children. I cannot imagine what a hassle and expense they are and then you would have to worry about them coming back, dragging their brood along with them! Ugh!

[ipoetry]

Originally Posted by ifa

I think if someone wants to have children it should be out of a selfless desire to create and nurture life. It should NOT be so you can lean on them physically, financially or emotionally. That is NOT what children are for, in my opinion. My mother always leaned on me and my siblings emotionally, ever since we were very young, and I think it damaged us. You should not have children to fill your emotional needs and protect yourself from loneliness, or to be your nurse maids and servants if you become disabled.

This is beautifully said. I brought up my son to be independent in every which way and I expect nothing back in return. The way I feel 'repayed' is seeing him pass down the legacy, to know that he's raising his boys to be independent thinkers and that he's being the best father he can be.

[accufitgolf]

When you have children and grand children, you will always be waiting for the other shoe to drop no matter how well you raised them and/or no matter how well they are doing in life.

My observations/experience says even with a well raised child, they can quite easily be talked into do things (as adults) by their spouse.....like becoming a burden to parents.

I know one case where the spouse had the son (college educated and a good job) talk their way into living with the parents so they could save to buy their own home. It soon became obvious she had no interest in saving when she bought a rather expensive new car, manicures, pedicures, and they went on vacation to Las Vegas.

They damn near cost their parents their marriage....but he was a well raised child.....LOL

[Ariadne22]

Yup, what's yours is yours and what's mine is yours. Especially as parents age, young people want it all now - and if you aren't 'using' - whatever it is - your money, your possessions - they want 'em.

I have a friend whose daughter is jealous because her 70 y/o mother isn't working anymore. Doesn't matter this woman has to pinch every penny until it bleeds, somehow daughter thinks the mom is on easy street. Mom also has to deal with a disabled epileptic son who goes on alcoholic benders, so now daughter won't invite Mom over for holidays. Instead, had estranged father who never did one thing for those kids in 30 years for her 1st Thksgvg dinner in her new house (only bought b/c Mom scraped up the money) w/his new Russian wife.

[Minervah]

No regrets since the first time I post "no regrets" back in July. LOL!

Seriously, there are many reasons to be child-free and many good ones have been posted here. But the main reason, at least my main reason doesn't have to do with the problems caused by raising kids. My reasons for choosing not to have children was that simply I had no desire to be a mom and I am not all that crazy about kids in the first place.

I saw firsthand the negative aspects of having children when the decision was not a choice in my own mother. I did not want to repeat that mistake. I have had a good life without them. There are lots of things to do besides raising children if raising children is not one of them.

[Maggysimpson]

I never had children. I do not nor will I ever regret it. I see it this way. I would rather pay to have someone care for me in my old age and know for a fact that I am alone, instead of thinking I have children who might come around to see how I am doing but who never will. I have elimited a source of disappointment

[Texas User]

Originally Posted by Janeace

With my parents out of the picture and my siblings living far away or estranged I feel like I have no more family, apart from DH. I've never regreted not having children but with my parents suddenly gone, I'm feeling like an orphan. Most of my siblings have children and so the beat goes on for them. But my very elderly parents were the heart of the family, the planet we all circled, and with them "gone" I'm wondering if I made wrong choices back then, not having produced my own family. Of course, having kids doesn't mean they will turn out well or be living near you when you are older. I'm not even talking about them taking care of you when you are feeble. Anyone ever be hit with this realization?

I am 33 and do not plan to have any kid(s). I guess I will know how it feels but I am not worried because it is all part of life and it is natural.

[brightdoglover]

At 58, I am still very glad and relieved to be childfree by choice (even if I did likely lose one great guy over it some 20 years ago). I simply never wanted to be a parent, nothing about it appealed to me. I have never regretted it for any reason. It always seemed like something that other people did, yes, but I knew I wouldn't and simply didn't wanna.

[brightdoglover]

I think the *only* reason to become a parent is the conscious desire to *be* a parent, to spend a lot of years of your life devoting a lot (or all) of your time, resources and relationship to raising a child or children.
Doing it to be sure you won't regret later not having done it is a mindtwist of the first degree.
I do think some of us are born with the wiring to be childfree, known as "early adopters". There are also "procrastinators," who don't seem like they want to do it but keep holding it out as "maybe later/maybe I'll regret it" etc. I have always felt fortunate to be so absolutely clear on the subject.