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It's decidedly a "brave new world." Interesting that most of the "I'm glad I never had children" crowd are women. So much for the supposed nurturers (unless the object of their affection has fur).
Oh yes indeed. You would be surprised at how many men considered it a deal-breaker when I told them no kids.
I consider my cat as my roommate rather than my kid. The object of my affection is my kitty cat.
My wife and I got married we were both in our mid 30s. We are now in our mid 40s, we talked just last week on our decision to not have children, we are both ok with it. We seecthe trials, tribulations, our siblings go through raising their children, I saw the aggravation my parents went through with myself and my 3 sisters....we enjoy babysitting our nieces and nephews, also enjoy turning them back over to their mommy and daddy lol. My wife's siblings, their kids are older than my sisters children are, so we have taken them on trips with us, etc etc. Very nice.
I get nervous watching my sisters savings for their childrens education costs, even if my nieces and nephews get loans my sisters still will chip in thousands and thousands.
We don't think it is selfish, but we enjoy taking two great vacations a year, well not this past year since I got laid off for a while, but we are financially ok, we don't have the added expenses of children, etc etc.
No regrets here, we truly enjoy the freedoms of being able to do whatever we want, work late if we have to, live in a more modest house, and not have to worry about shuttling kids around here or there, listening to them complain that so and so got $120 jeans so they need them etc etc. My sis in law paid $600 for cheerleading uniforms for my niece 2years ago, and then the next year she was cut from the team. Aggravating.
Also no worrying about where my kids arecwhen they are teenagers, etc.
Dink and love it although being childless made it hard to have friends my age when going through childbearing year. When my friends were having babies, one friend I went though childbirth "at least" 50 times... at minimum!, first contraction all the way through to delivery, detail by detail, same child and oh loved the bowel movement conversationS, consistency, frequency, time and date. Many many bowel movement conversations. Terrible twos were terribly funny. Then there was one friend, away from jeffy for an hour meant the conversation centered on ... ooooh I miss jeffy for the 20th time. Try to get together for lunch, just the two or three of you. Impossible.
then coming to visit, both hubbys having adult conversation, me on the other had was in conversation practically the whole visit with a 7 year old who was attached at the hip to mom who's favorite subject was being a mommys boy I am a mommy boy and aint I so cute because of it. mom thought that was adorable. Many many I'm a mommys boy conversations too.
and oh the poor you look or direct comments or assumptions, it must be hard. Nooo it was a choice. Don't get me wrong even I like kids and some of the things they did or said was so funny. I soon learned that to have an adult conversation, it meant being with my older friends or male friends. Sorry but all things above are true.
Hubby was better than me, me I don't guess it was a misfire in my DNA. Hubby did make me laugh after we came home from visiting brother. The kids were bouncing off walls and ceilings as usual. He said, I am exhausted after an hour visit, what do they eat sugar 3 times a day, do you hear that (what), silence. Funny thing is I noticed I enjoy the kids more as they got a little older, the noisiness, and bouncing off walls and all lol. Me an my nephew play pranks on each other all the time (he's 10) super smart and I never know what to expect from him. I got him last now its my turn lol.
My mother is very maternal and nurturing. I had doubts about having children because of medical issues and I didn't know if I really wanted to be a mother. I'm a pretty good mother to my pets
My mom is very nuturing, too. We have a good relationship.
I chose to be childless over 10 years ago. Then three years after my decision, medical issues confirmed that I'm meant to be free from children. Yes!
I'm 28 and my wife is 32, so neither of us are elders. However, I thought I would offer my opinion
We chose to not have kids. Some of our reasons appear to be quite common (financial stability, no particular fondness for kids, love of traveling, and the need for independence). Further, I have no siblings. My wife has just one sister who is bipolar and likely will require 100% financial assistance from her parents (and later us) for the rest of her life. My mother is also bipolar. My parents have a very volatile marriage for this reason and when my mother gets an 'episode', I am the only person in the world who is allowed to talk to her and ensure her well being. It doesn't help that I live 13,000 miles from her though. It's a very stressful life for us and I cannot imagine compounding that stress by having kids now or at any time.
Some people think we are making a mistake by sacrificing our interests for the sake of our relatives but I don't see it as a sacrifice. I am very close to my mom and my wife is somewhat close to her sister. We made a conscious decision to take care of them, which subsequently influenced our decision to never have children.
I'm 28 and my wife is 32, so neither of us are elders. However, I thought I would offer my opinion
We chose to not have kids. Some of our reasons appear to be quite common (financial stability, no particular fondness for kids, love of traveling, and the need for independence). Further, I have no siblings. My wife has just one sister who is bipolar and likely will require 100% financial assistance from her parents (and later us) for the rest of her life. My mother is also bipolar. My parents have a very volatile marriage for this reason and when my mother gets an 'episode', I am the only person in the world who is allowed to talk to her and ensure her well being. It doesn't help that I live 13,000 miles from her though. It's a very stressful life for us and I cannot imagine compounding that stress by having kids now or at any time.
Some people think we are making a mistake by sacrificing our interests for the sake of our relatives but I don't see it as a sacrifice. I am very close to my mom and my wife is somewhat close to her sister. We made a conscious decision to take care of them, which subsequently influenced our decision to never have children.
Good for you to make the decision to help out your family. That is truly one of the most unselfish things I have ever heard. You and your wife are really wonderful people.
Quote: "Some people think we are making a mistake by sacrificing our interests for the sake of our relatives but I don't see it as a sacrifice. I am very close to my mom and my wife is somewhat close to her sister. We made a conscious decision to take care of them, which subsequently influenced our decision to never have children."
I started this post originally. My thought is, who will sacrifice for you when you are elderly? Where I work, we are growing old together. And everyone seems to be "taking care of their parents" in some form or another. When elderly, without children, who will be taking care of us?
My wife has just one sister who is bipolar and likely will require 100% financial assistance from her parents (and later us) for the rest of her life. My mother is also bipolar. My parents have a very volatile marriage for this reason and when my mother gets an 'episode', I am the only person in the world who is allowed to talk to her and ensure her well being.
Some people think we are making a mistake by sacrificing our interests for the sake of our relatives but I don't see it as a sacrifice. I am very close to my mom and my wife is somewhat close to her sister. We made a conscious decision to take care of them, which subsequently influenced our decision to never have children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Janeace
My thought is, who will sacrifice for you when you are elderly? Where I work, we are growing old together. And everyone seems to be "taking care of their parents" in some form or another. When elderly, without children, who will be taking care of us?
In arctic's case, his offspring are very unlikely to be supportive in his/wife's old age seeing as how bipolar is on both his and wife's sides of the family. Sadly, there is a very good chance that gene will be passed on to any offspring of arctic & wife. More likely than not any offspring would present tremendous challenges - rather akin to wife's sister who needs 100% financial support from them - and not be of any particular help when arctic and wife needed them - but rather the opposite. Offspring could very easily become lifelong burdens as the sister has proven to be.
Not a believer in borrowing trouble when the evidence stares you in the face. We have plenty of anecdotal cautionary tales on this board alone.
Quote: "Some people think we are making a mistake by sacrificing our interests for the sake of our relatives but I don't see it as a sacrifice. I am very close to my mom and my wife is somewhat close to her sister. We made a conscious decision to take care of them, which subsequently influenced our decision to never have children."
I started this post originally. My thought is, who will sacrifice for you when you are elderly? Where I work, we are growing old together. And everyone seems to be "taking care of their parents" in some form or another. When elderly, without children, who will be taking care of us?
Your co-workers taking care of their children in is one way but certainly not the only way.
Have you ever seen elderly parents who counted on their children to take care of them only to be abandonded by them? "Sacrifice" is the last word on these children's minds.
Having children is no guarantee you will be taken care of. If at all possible, people should inculde in their savings enough to take care of them at least financially in their twilight days.
If this is not possible, other family members can help or even government programs. I have a 67 year old friend who has only one living relative, her brother. He occasionally buys her a few necesseties like shoes but he cannot afford to take care of her. She is well taken looked after in a modern assisted care home due to a heart condition. She is on Medicade and of course that does not afford a lot of luxuries but there is no promising a child would give her any more.
She has nice friends in and out of the home and is pretty content there where she knows she will be taken care of medically if anything should happen to her.
My aunt died at age 86, she never had kids. She got sick only near the very end but her sister helped her through the last. Often if strong family ties are present brothers, sisters or even friends can help out.
When my childfree friend died, she was financially okay and had insurance coverage in an HMO which also supplied hospice care for her. Friends came in an kept a vigil. No one else in her family out of state gave a crap about this kind person.
Friends cared for her as much as we could, friends arranged her funeral ceremony, one of the most beautiful and heartfelt I had ever seen.
There are elderly communities where people help take care of one another.
I have also seen the reverse: elderly parents taking care of their children or grandchildren. My neighbor was pulled from a dearly loved elderly community on one state to come to another by her children who insisted she move to take care of her grandchildren while the mother attended school and her son worked.
There was nothing like her former retirement community in the new state and the cost of living was higher. Her son and daughter-in-law gave her a small allowance to add to her SS and pension for a few years then cut her off expecting her to fend for herself. Oh, and this was AFTER her daughter-in-law completed med school and went into practice for herself.
My sister was around 67 when her son moved in with her and my brother-in-law who was fortunately still working. Her son could not find a job for three years and didn't earn enough to move out on his own when he found one.
Some children do take care of their parents; some don't. You cannot just assume that your kids will take care of you in your old age but you can be prepared for yourself or others to take of you.
Last edited by Minervah; 01-30-2012 at 05:43 PM..
Reason: Fix quote
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The object of my affection is my kitty cat.
Not having kids
