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Old 07-27-2011, 12:32 PM
ifa
 
294 posts, read 391,376 times
Reputation: 376

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Quote:
Originally Posted by GregoryS View Post
Yes, it can be a terrible burden. My father had ten children. He gave everything he had to those children. It was truly a vow of poverty. After having a stroke and reaching the point several years after of not being able to live in an assisted care facility any longer, we(my siblings and I), were faced with the dreaded nursing home option, or one of us taking him in. Even out of ten possibilities that someone could bring him into their home, ultimately there was only one who could do it. That would be me. And yes, it was truly something I was not prepared for. I'm sure it changed me and the balance of my life in many ways that I could never explain to anyone. I can honestly look back and say that I should have done more. But I will always be glad that I tried to return just a sliver of the loving time and effort that he expended throughout his life on all of us. And no, I hope my son does not have to do that with me. My expectations and hopes are that he lives a happy life and treat everyone he can as well as he treats me....and if he happens to be with me when my time is over as I was with my Dad, that will be ok too...
I'm only guessing but I bet you didn't spend all your retirement savings and quit your job and go into debt. I bet the intense caregiving phase didn't last over 10 years. There are millions of caregivers now doing work that is almost humanly impossible. It is almost worse than concentration camp victims. People who talk happily about having been caregivers usually did not go all the way into the depths.
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Old 07-27-2011, 12:59 PM
 
Location: New Orleans Louisiana
156 posts, read 361,867 times
Reputation: 215
Quote:
Originally Posted by ifa View Post
I'm only guessing but I bet you didn't spend all your retirement savings and quit your job and go into debt. I bet the intense caregiving phase didn't last over 10 years. There are millions of caregivers now doing work that is almost humanly impossible. It is almost worse than concentration camp victims. People who talk happily about having been caregivers usually did not go all the way into the depths.
And I'm guessing that you are confusing not being angry and bitter with "talking happily about having been caregivers". I would never suggest that I have any idea about what another person has been through in relation to being a caregiver. Every person's experiences are different...every person reacts differently to their experiences. It's very difficult for all and I'm sure there are many horrible stories to be told. I did not ever mean to get into a my story is worse than your story situation. I think this has been slightly off topic of what this thread was about anyway...
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Old 07-27-2011, 01:08 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,601 posts, read 33,077,233 times
Reputation: 29160
Quote:
Originally Posted by ifa View Post
I'm only guessing but I bet you didn't spend all your retirement savings and quit your job and go into debt. I bet the intense caregiving phase didn't last over 10 years. There are millions of caregivers now doing work that is almost humanly impossible. It is almost worse than concentration camp victims. People who talk happily about having been caregivers usually did not go all the way into the depths.
Ah! The little bluebird of happiness spreads her joy and misinformation again. I worry about her, as afflicted as she is with a case of that dreaded malady, stinkin' thinkin'. To equate the lives of care-givers with concentration camp victims is an insult to the caregivers, the victims and reasonableness. It's also delusional.

I realize that it's nowhere in your philosophy but there really are those who care for their needy parents, grandparents and others out of love (would you like me to define that for you?). They have a strong resolve of familial responsibility and look upon attending to such responsibilities as a sacred obligation and one they don't mind taking on in the least.

Is it hard work? Of course. But the rewards can be huge. I'm truly sorry the litter from which you sprang never had that sort of example or teaching to follow.

Thus far you're against marriage and against having children; even against being one. What a sad little life, and a lonely one.
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Old 07-27-2011, 02:08 PM
ifa
 
294 posts, read 391,376 times
Reputation: 376
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Ah! The little bluebird of happiness spreads her joy and misinformation again. I worry about her, as afflicted as she is with a case of that dreaded malady, stinkin' thinkin'. To equate the lives of care-givers with concentration camp victims is an insult to the caregivers, the victims and reasonableness. It's also delusional.

I realize that it's nowhere in your philosophy but there really are those who care for their needy parents, grandparents and others out of love (would you like me to define that for you?). They have a strong resolve of familial responsibility and look upon attending to such responsibilities as a sacred obligation and one they don't mind taking on in the least.

Is it hard work? Of course. But the rewards can be huge. I'm truly sorry the litter from which you sprang never had that sort of example or teaching to follow.

Thus far you're against marriage and against having children; even against being one. What a sad little life, and a lonely one.
And I bet you have not been a caregiver for a disabled parent. It's really easy to preach arrogantly and hypocritically. But I notice you have not said what exactly you have done for your parents.
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Old 07-27-2011, 02:15 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 25,066,662 times
Reputation: 35653
About three years ago maybe four my nephew moved back in with his mom and stepdad. He moved clear across country because life was "too hard" for him where he was living. He was supposed to stay there until he got back on his feet.

Well here he is today, still living with them and earning minimum wage at the age of 49. He refused to get his high school diploma and so can only find very menial jobs with a GED he only acquired when he moved back in with his mother.

So there he is. My sister and her hubby are thinking of retirement but if they move to a retirement community and then take up traveling as they would like to, where would sonny boy go?

Nowadays it's kind of a two way street. I think due to the economy or whatever reasons you hear more about children moving back home with their parents.

Who's taking care of whom?
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Old 07-27-2011, 02:48 PM
 
Location: SW MO
23,601 posts, read 33,077,233 times
Reputation: 29160
Quote:
Originally Posted by ifa View Post
And I bet you have not been a caregiver for a disabled parent. It's really easy to preach arrogantly and hypocritically. But I notice you have not said what exactly you have done for your parents.
Ya know, you're right. I haven't. My parents have been dead for over 20 years and were capable of maintaining their home until their deaths. I have cared for my disabled wife for many years and retired earlier than planned to continue doing so. Is that good enough?

As for "preaching," sorry, unlike you I presume, I've never been ordained.

"Mr. Bluebird's on my shoulder. It's the truth. It's factual. Everything is satisfactual..." I think your bird died!
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Old 07-27-2011, 03:16 PM
 
Location: Chicago
3,286 posts, read 5,110,832 times
Reputation: 4089
Default Very interesting thread...

I am not retired (or even close, sadly), but I stumbled upon this thread when I was looking at the general forum today and I'm really glad to have read it.

I am 29, married, and child-free. My husband and I are pretty sure we will never have kids. So, that said, it is nice to see some responses from people older than myself that have gone that route with no regrets. Most of the people I know are interested in having kids, my sister in particular just cannot wait for that day (she's still looking for Mr. Right though). I've never felt very maternal, even though many of my friends somehow have the impression that I am (Weird, right?), and the idea of being a parent does not appeal to me at all. There are so many things I want to do in my life, I know already I don't have time for all of them so for me, having kids is an endeavor that I really don't think I could take on and do properly.

Given that I'm 29 and my husband is 32 and we've been married a few years now, we're bombarded with the "When are you having kids?!?" question a lot. Currently, we just sort of blow it off with a "Me just got married!" type response, but I know already that we won't be able to get away with that for much longer.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that this thread is very interesting and it is nice to see that there are others like me out there. If any of you happens to have any good responses for the kid questions though, I would love to hear them.
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Old 07-27-2011, 04:53 PM
 
505 posts, read 636,350 times
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Mid 50's so I don't know that I consider myself elderly. No kids. No regrets. I knew from childhood I didn't want any. On the other hand, if I had I am sure I would have been a good parent.
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Old 07-27-2011, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 25,066,662 times
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Quote:
Anyway, I just wanted to say that this thread is very interesting and it is nice to see that there are others like me out there. If any of you happens to have any good responses for the kid questions though, I would love to hear them.
It all depended upon what state of mind I was in. When I was really young and was asked about having kids I would try to explain how I felt about it in serious conversation. After a while and as I got older I began to resent so personal a question especially from the same people over and over again who just didn't get it.

So I have gone so far as to tell them it's personal and I don't care to share. I've also told them someone else was having my quota. My favorite was it simply wasn't something I wanted to do because it is my choice and I chose not to.

Nowadays at the ripe old age of 65 I get some people asking me why don't I have grandkids. Duh!

There is a list of funny responses on another message board I belong to. If I can find it again, I will PM it to you. It may offend some here.
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Old 07-27-2011, 06:26 PM
 
1,870 posts, read 2,651,095 times
Reputation: 5656
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minervah View Post
It all depended upon what state of mind I was in. When I was really young and was asked about having kids I would try to explain how I felt about it in serious conversation. After a while and as I got older I began to resent so personal a question especially from the same people over and over again who just didn't get it.

So I have gone so far as to tell them it's personal and I don't care to share. I've also told them someone else was having my quota. My favorite was it simply wasn't something I wanted to do because it is my choice and I chose not to.

Nowadays at the ripe old age of 65 I get some people asking me why don't I have grandkids. Duh!

There is a list of funny responses on another message board I belong to. If I can find it again, I will PM it to you. It may offend some here.
Well stated! and precisely my situation. I think as young people, we tried to be kind and explain or rationalize our decisions. Now, for sure, it's nobody's business and I don't owe anyone an explanation. Sure am getting crotchity in my old age huh? But seriously, I am thankful I made the correct decision for myself. I could never have had so much fun and so many adventures had I had children. Regrets? No. Lonely? don't know the meaning of the word.
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