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Old 07-27-2011, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 25,095,150 times
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Well my last six years on the job brought me no COLA so I guess I won't miss what I don't get if I don't get it.
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Old 07-30-2011, 11:50 AM
 
Location: Toronto, Ottawa Valley & Dunedin FL
1,409 posts, read 2,473,384 times
Reputation: 1165
Quote:
Originally Posted by ifa View Post
This implies that if he didn't, he would not be a loving son. So if that is true our choice is either give up everything of value in our own lives, or else be considered not loving. It is an impossible choice.

I don't necessarily agree that you must give up everything to be considered loving.
Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that he wouldn't be considered a loving son if he didn't take care of his dad. The fact is though, that he is doing it, and it is out of love, with some duty mixed in. Probably when his dad goes into a home (soon, I hope), he'll be there visiting most days. He's an only child, has a half-sister with a different father. So he's *it*. He recognizes the burden (his wife recognizes it much more), but has stepped up to do this. I admire the guy a lot.

But if he didn't or couldn't take in his father, the father would have gone directly into some kind of temporary nursing home space until they found a permanent place for him. This is what would happen if my friend dropped dead tomorrow I guess.

I agree this is a very tough choice, and may be perceived as a negative for those who choose not to have children.
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Old 08-17-2011, 09:56 AM
 
Location: Bar Harbor, ME
1,922 posts, read 3,943,736 times
Reputation: 1297
Quote:
Originally Posted by ifa View Post
If your child is a great success and rich and famous, that is HIS/HER accomplishment, not yours. I don't like to hear bragging, and I doubt anyone else does either. Especially when you're bragging about something someone else did.

I don't mind parents talking about their kids, as long as it isn't the ONLY thing they ever talk about, and as long as they don't brag and take credit for every good thing the kid does.

I had an aunt whose son became slightly famous. Well he had a local TV show. And my aunt was obsessed with talking about how famous her son was.

I was just a kid then, and whenever she bragged about her son, I felt like she was telling me I was nothing, since I didn't have my own (local) TV show.

I admit that it can be a bear if you don't have kids. It seems like bragging, and in a sense it is. But much of our conversations with people can seem like bragging if its somethign that you have or can do and the other person doesn't have or can't do. If I start a conversation about astrology in in the course of it talk about how complicated it is and how I was writing a book on vocational astrology, and you aren't the least bit interested in astrology, then you will probably consider it bragging. If both of us have the interest then its not.

I've never ever ever been in a gathering of friends or fmily where the first topic of the older people is NOT to talk about what their kids are doing. You may call it bragging, for most of us with kids, its simply part of the initial conversation. Now if it gets out of hand or you notice that the other party gets uncomfortble or looks away you stop.

One of my kids is just funny. He has had all kinds of funny adventures with stories that go with it, like the time he asked Santa at age five for a big red urinal to put on his wall. The other one we talk less about because she rarely has funny adventures.

Last edited by Zarathu; 08-17-2011 at 10:07 AM..
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Old 08-17-2011, 12:10 PM
 
Location: England
26,275 posts, read 7,007,935 times
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I greatly respect people who decide not to have children because they don't want them,
or in some cases don't like them. I sadly, had a mother who did'nt care for children, and
walked out on my father when I was 7 and my sister 3 years old. She left for the life she
really wanted, drinking and having a good old time. I did'nt see her again till I was 18 for a
short time, then she rejected me again. The next time when I was about 45, when I started
to see her again, mainly to try and figure her out. Sadly I never got to the bottom of her, as
she became ill with cancer, and it fell to my wife and I to look after her. The night she died, I
sat at her bedside, with my wife. I hoped for something from her, some sorrow. What I got
was "I've no regrets." People who don't want children, should'nt have them, and I admire
people who do so.
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Old 08-17-2011, 12:46 PM
 
Location: Lexington, SC
4,281 posts, read 11,354,592 times
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My wife and I (in our late, late 60's) have never regretted our decision not to have children.

As a matter of fact, some of the stuff we see like parents doing like supporting adult children, grandparents raising grandchildren, lifetime babysitter, siblings fighting over wills, moving to be near children then they move away, etc. actually reinforces our decision.
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Old 08-17-2011, 02:20 PM
 
48,508 posts, read 87,960,484 times
Reputation: 18168
One just has to plan differently for the last stage of life when not having children or even younger relatives who are not close.I am 64 and able to do fine but I have seen now quick things can change.
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Old 08-17-2011, 02:59 PM
 
Location: Arizona
419 posts, read 687,924 times
Reputation: 862
Quote:
Originally Posted by English Dave View Post
I greatly respect people who decide not to have children because they don't want them,
or in some cases don't like them. I sadly, had a mother who did'nt care for children, and
walked out on my father when I was 7 and my sister 3 years old. She left for the life she
really wanted, drinking and having a good old time. I did'nt see her again till I was 18 for a
short time, then she rejected me again. The next time when I was about 45, when I started
to see her again, mainly to try and figure her out. Sadly I never got to the bottom of her, as
she became ill with cancer, and it fell to my wife and I to look after her. The night she died, I
sat at her bedside, with my wife. I hoped for something from her, some sorrow. What I got
was "I've no regrets." People who don't want children, should'nt have them, and I admire
people who do so.
I am sorry that you were not blessed with a loving mother. All children deserve to be born into loving families. In a perfect world that would happen, but as we all know this is very very far from being a perfect world.

In spite of the blatant rejection from your mother, it appears you grew up to be a good & caring man. A lifetime of rejection from your mother and you still sat by her bedside as she was dying. You are to be admired. The world is a much better place having you in it.

Since the beginning of time women were expected to get married and have children. No if ands or buts about it. According to society if a woman didn't get married then it was because she was so plain that no man wanted her. If she didn't want to have children then there was something terribly wrong with her because all women were born to be mothers. Afterall, we all had dolls as little girls to prepare us for motherhood. Of course, the boys were raised to acquire a skill so that they could get a good job to support the families they were expected to have.

Thankfully, for the past couple of decades people have gained the courage to admit that they do not want to be parents and have stood their ground.
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Old 08-17-2011, 03:12 PM
 
Location: Lakewood OH
21,697 posts, read 25,095,150 times
Reputation: 35658
Quote:
Originally Posted by ifa
If your child is a great success and rich and famous, that is HIS/HER accomplishment, not yours. I don't like to hear bragging, and I doubt anyone else does either. Especially when you're bragging about something someone else did.

I don't mind parents talking about their kids, as long as it isn't the ONLY thing they ever talk about, and as long as they don't brag and take credit for every good thing the kid does.

I had an aunt whose son became slightly famous. Well he had a local TV show. And my aunt was obsessed with talking about how famous her son was.

I was just a kid then, and whenever she bragged about her son, I felt like she was telling me I was nothing, since I didn't have my own (local) TV show.
I have run into this where the only subject some mothers could talk about or wanted to talk about were their kids. It almost seemed to me that they went out of their way to constantly talk about them to people who did not have them.

Case in point, many of my co-workers would constantly talk about their kids when they were supposed to be working as well as on their breaks and lunches and they tried to include me and the other one or two childfree ladies in many of these conversations.

I understand that they liked to discuss parenthood with each other, but they would also insist upon talking about their kids to people who they knew were not interested in kids. If anyone tried to change the subject, they would go right back to the kid topic.

Another thing I always used to find odd was that sometimes people with kids would invite me to babysit or go on family outings with them so I could be with a family. These people knew I was childfree by choice and not interested in being around kids but even so they had the attitude that I was missing something by not having a family other than me and the cat.

I don't think they had the ability to grasp the fact that not everyone wanted kids. It may have been a sort of "see what you're missing" attitude.
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Old 08-17-2011, 05:06 PM
 
Location: Boca Raton, FL
5,702 posts, read 9,319,741 times
Reputation: 7557
Smile A surprise

From someone who can imagine my life without children, I was surprised when I had them and was shocked at my feelings when I had children.

I will not regret that part of my life. My children have taught me so many things.

That being said, not every one wants or needs children. I have an uncle who I am sure never wanted any, had 2 boys and just never acted like he was there in their lives. He and my aunt would have been fine with no children and I am sure had them b/c of the pressure at the time (1960's).

People shouldn't criticize who have or don't have kids. Some people are very happy being single, others being married and childfree and then are those who love having children all the time.
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Old 08-18-2011, 08:33 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,599 posts, read 33,113,248 times
Reputation: 29160
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bette View Post
That being said, not every one wants or needs children. I have an uncle who I am sure never wanted any, had 2 boys and just never acted like he was there in their lives. He and my aunt would have been fine with no children and I am sure had them b/c of the pressure at the time (1960's).
Same pressure in the 40s which is likely why I exist. I know my father would have been fine never having had a child, although he did his best to be a parent and the jury's still out about my mother.

But the reality is, they gave me life and even now, over 20 years since their deaths about a year apart, and way too young, I miss them. The older I got, once past the terrible teens, the better we got along.
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