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Old 07-25-2011, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,978,143 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
I buy all this. I believe in love and marriage. But you can do all these same things without being married, right? You can be married in your heart but not on paper. After all, marriage is a government institution these days.

I keep on looking at all the 'what ifs'. Let's assume your insurance has a 1 mil cap. Wait... that's not nice and I don't want to wish you ill. So let's say a hypothetical married couple has this insurance and one gets very ill but survives. The medical bills exceed 3 mil. If you are married, you are forced into bankruptcy and you are both ruined. If you are single, the person with the illness files bankruptcy and the partner is fine and can still get a loan, buy a car, etc. Doesn't it scare you a lot that you may be put in this situation? Or a hypothetical SO needs LTC and you run out of money. Can you cope with being financially damaged in one of the most vulnerable times of your life? There's no way for you to remake what you lose. If you are single, the only person who can be hurt is the one who is ill/needs the care. And with their finances exhausted, they would qualify for medicare too.

You are already happily married and that's a great thing. But what if you were contemplating marriage today?

I didn't just pull the 3mil thing out of the air. I know a young couple who are in this position and really suffering financially. They are young enough to recover but the will have to go bankrupt.
What if the one with most of the money is the one to get seriously ill and run up a ____load of debt in a hospital or nursing home? Then they both lose, just like a married couple, right?

What if the couple is not married and the ill one is hospitalized--is there hospital visitation rights for the (unmarried) partner?
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Old 07-25-2011, 04:50 PM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
27,093 posts, read 5,907,337 times
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I agree with you and have knowledge of a couple who did get divorced for just some of the reasons mentioned.....no plans to remarry for me....money-wise and plus I love being single.
Quote:
Originally Posted by yellowsnow View Post
Let's discuss the pluses and minuses of marrying late in life. Is it worth it? For the sake of discussion, let's say you aren't wealthy. Money has a way of changing things! What's the advantage of getting married?

Here's my understanding of how SS works. If I'm not married, I get my SS and he gets his. If we marry, we both get less. I also think there is a tax 'marriage penalty' and married people pay more taxes. Please correct me if I am wrong.

So, kids aren't an issue at our age and all the financial/medical issues can be dealt with by wills/legal documents. Maybe you would set up a corporation to own your house? A one time expense that shouldn't be outrageous.

Last, all the ugly stuff. If/when my partner gets sick or requires extensive medical help, I can't lose what is mine to pay his bills. If he dies, I'm not responsible for the bills he leaves behind. And the same thing holds true in reverse if I am the one who gets sick first. He can't lose his home or be held responsible for my bills.

I must be missing something here. What are the big advantages? What have I left out? I've been thinking about this for a while and it confuses me that older couples don't get divorced for financial reasons.
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Old 07-25-2011, 04:56 PM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,978,143 times
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Elderly divorcing for financial reasons:

Nursing Home Costs Forcing Elderly Couples to Divorce
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:12 PM
 
Location: delaware
688 posts, read 864,694 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
What if the one with most of the money is the one to get seriously ill and run up a ____load of debt in a hospital or nursing home? Then they both lose, just like a married couple, right?

What if the couple is not married and the ill one is hospitalized--is there hospital visitation rights for the (unmarried) partner?

i can speak to the question of hospitalization, at least from personal experience. i am the medical decision maker for my significant other, and have power of attorney if he is no longer able to make medical decisions for himself. his doctor and another specialist whom he sees fairly regularly have been made aware of this, know who i am, and i go to many doctor appointments with him. when he was hospitalized briefly there was never any question of my being with him prior to a medical procedure or with him in recovery following that procedure.
when i had to have several breast biopsies four years ago, in a large city hospital where we were not known, the forms identifying who he was and his role in medical decisions were given to staff at admissions, and i made a point of telling the nuse who prepped me that i wanted him to be notified and allowed back into recovery with me. there was never any question or issue made, and they actually called him back to help me get dressed
i do think it is important to have the proper legal forms completed and to have them with you when you feel there might be a question. but i can say from my days in social work in a medical setting, i don't remember that visiting by anyone was ever an issue or question unless the patient objected to that person visiting. in the case of hospitalization when time in icu is anticipated or a possibility, i would, as a precaution, establish the SO as a spouse from the outset. i've certainly never seen hospital staff request a marriage license be presented.

catsy girl
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas
13,890 posts, read 25,327,549 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by newenglandgirl View Post
What if the one with most of the money is the one to get seriously ill and run up a ____load of debt in a hospital or nursing home? Then they both lose, just like a married couple, right?

What if the couple is not married and the ill one is hospitalized--is there hospital visitation rights for the (unmarried) partner?
The rights of both partners can be spelled out in a legal document. POA, etc. So medical privacy/visiting wouldn't be an issue.

There's no doubt that both partners lose when one becomes dependent on LTC. But they wouldn't get wiped out.
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Old 07-25-2011, 08:58 PM
 
Location: SoCal desert
8,093 posts, read 13,234,579 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dollydo View Post
If you are planning not to have children, why marry? Why comingle anything, it will not enhance the relationship one little bit.

To me, I see no reason to marry.



Marriage should be a renewable contract anyway.
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Old 07-26-2011, 06:40 AM
 
7,339 posts, read 16,646,140 times
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Religious beliefs play a big part in our marriage as well! AND, if we thought about all of the "what if's", we'd be walking on eggshells/thin ice all the time in our minds......not the best way to live or even conduct a marriage!
I've been unemployed for quite awhile now and my wife has had no problem getting some money from her retirement (she had before meeting me) to help us along. I was never the "saving" type, so I never had money set aside for retirement. However, I have recieved unemployment benefits/money three different times (EUC) and that has definitely helped out us.
As far as what financially happened to one young couple, that can happen to anyone and does. When a married couple has financial problems, the marriage doesn't always end, a lot of times things are simply worked out and the marriage goes on!
Wife and I are firm believers in marriage and the vows we took at the alter! I was divorced/single for 22 years and hated being single for 21 1/2 years. Yes, I was only happy for the first six months and then I started missing the ring on my left hand and saying "I'd like to introduce you to my wife ......." to people. To us marriage is the Marriage Certificate, but also much, much more!!! And, sure isn't a "government thing"!
If an older person doesn't want to get married again.....don't! If you think, there is that "what if" again, you are going to lose financially on somthing, get a dang divorce and live "happily everafter"......just not all older couples think that way or want to!!
But for those that "bad mouth" marriage, ain't going to get away with it around me!!
By the way, we were married when I was 49 and she was 50.
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Old 07-26-2011, 06:44 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 31,487,261 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gandalara View Post


Marriage should be a renewable contract anyway.
Sadly, it is. Just look at Hollywood - on again, off again, and real people too. Commitment, for all too many, is a lost art or never existed in the first place.
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Old 07-26-2011, 06:48 AM
 
Location: Near a river
16,042 posts, read 18,978,143 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LoveBoating View Post
Religious beliefs play a big part in our marriage as well! AND, if we thought about all of the "what if's", we'd be walking on eggshells/thin ice all the time in our minds......not the best way to live or even conduct a marriage!
I've been unemployed for quite awhile now and my wife has had no problem getting some money from her retirement (she had before meeting me) to help us along. I was never the "saving" type, so I never had money set aside for retirement. However, I have recieved unemployment benefits/money three different times (EUC) and that has definitely helped out us.
As far as what financially happened to one young couple, that can happen to anyone and does. When a married couple has financial problems, the marriage doesn't always end, a lot of times things are simply worked out and the marriage goes on!
Wife and I are firm believers in marriage and the vows we took at the alter! I was divorced/single for 22 years and hated being single for 21 1/2 years. Yes, I was only happy for the first six months and then I started missing the ring on my left hand and saying "I'd like to introduce you to my wife ......." to people. To us marriage is the Marriage Certificate, but also much, much more!!! And, sure isn't a "government thing"!
If an older person doesn't want to get married again.....don't!
But for those that "bad mouth" marriage, ain't going to get away with it around me!!
By the way, we were married when I was 49 and she was 50.
While I appreciate what you're saying, we all know couples who are married and are miserable as well as couples who are lovingly committed but not married. It does not take a marriage certificate to create loving commitment. There is just no correlation there in evidence, other than what one believes. The study of anthropology also shows us that various cultures have various ways of establishing commitment outside of "legal" means. Also, a ring on one's finger does not have to be the outward sign of commitment for only a legally married couple. A ring is a symbol of commitment and can be exchanged and worn by any committed couple. Our cultural morés are really mixed up anyway. I personally know of three married couples that have cheating going on.
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Old 07-26-2011, 06:56 AM
 
5,822 posts, read 13,318,850 times
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A marriage certificate or ceremony is useless without total commitment to each other. I know several people who have or had affairs during their marriage. While I served in the military for 20+ years and during civilian career, affairs were very common. Whatever their excuses or reasons, being married doesn't necessarily mean total commitment.
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